|Reviews for Naruto: Bijuu Chronicles|
| Jozern chapter 18 . 8/6/2011
Fucking insanely awesome story! I have pretty much loved everything; the character development, powering them up with proper training etc. However 2 things spiked some dislike in me (however as a whole I love the story).
1. Kakashi so easily telling Sakura and Sasuke about kyuubi. It just felt too light. Mayby Nartuo telling after going berzerk against Haku might have made a bigger effect?
The last one is very minor but could snowball into a grave pitfall.
2. Naruto suddenly calling Hinata with -chan suffex. Why? There as no reason, no development which could have give reason for this. True it was only 2-3 but flipped my brain the wrong way when it occurred.
Hopefully Sakura's denial of Sasuke's assholeness (is that a word?) will start to crumble soon. Also I don't understand why such a good story has so few reviews, count on me reviewing allmost all future chapters!
| dai sennin kurosaki d naruto chapter 18 . 7/31/2011
wow way too detail oriented here just tell the story we don't need a step by step detailed description of what they're doing. wow i couldn't do this much detail if i wanted to.
| narukyuu94 chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
That was probably one of the best intro/explanations from a story than I have ever read. You even to the time to explain the hand seals. Bravo!
| FlawlessCowboy2552 chapter 18 . 7/31/2011
as per your request, I did notice a few things that you could be doing better.
first, as you have said to me, your background is in bio chemistry. as such you are prone to use many large scientifically oriented words. my suggestion is that you avoid the use of words like systole and diatole unless they are either both relevent to the plot and neccessary to describe the events taking place, or having a character avoid thier usage in speach would be out of character for them. such words tend to be turn-off's for those who read these works for enjoyment and do not share the same background as you, since they might not want to take the time and effort necessary to go and look them up. and if you must use them, at least make an effort to have them explained in-story, such as having a character who would not know the words present to have them defined to.
second, there was a particularly bad typo/un-understandable sequence of words durring your description of konohamaru's encounters with the sound nin utilizing a / mark that made things incomprehensible for me as I did not even get the general idea of what you were trying to state. it occured durring the seqences after the initial encounter with the first sound chuunin but before the encounter with the giant snake, and, and lasted for less than a paragraph, if that helps in locating it.
| FlawlessCowboy2552 chapter 17 . 7/21/2011
I am new to this story, but I must say that I have never seen anyone have Naruto beat Gaara by essentially spanking Shukaku to pieces with what amounts to a giant telepathically-controlled hammer made of air. That. Was. EPIC!
on an unrelated note, however, as I was reading through your story, I had noticed that you seemed to have a slight grammatical problem. you would often add an "s" at the end of Japanese words in an attempt to make them plural. words such as Kunai, Shinobi, Gennin, Chunin, Jonin, and Kunochi just seem to sound wrong when an "s" is added to them. I am not sure what the actual grammatical ruling in these instances is, but whenever I have felt that a wording is off in a specific way, I have usually been right about it when I have actually looked it up.
I have noticed that you seemed to have corrected this more recently, but as the correction seemed to coincide with NekoKaru's induction as a beta reader, I was only pointing it out on the off chance that it hadn't already been pointed out to you by him/her and instead just corrected without anything being said.
I do have a couple of things I would like clarified, however, such as the fact that I have serious doubts as to how Naruto could have had such problems with his summoning jutsu. since I've always thought that a summoner usually dictates which summon one gets when utilizing the Jutsu by means of a mental command/image, one could also logically extrapolate that that same mental image would be usable as a means to prevent just such confusion when one has multiple contracts, since that mental image of the desired summons would also inherently be of the desired summon species. As Naruto had only just learned of the jutsu, he most likely wouldn't understand that technicality just yet and wouldn't have had such a well defined image in his head.
to top it all off, I was under the impression that the seal that was formed on the surface of whatever the summoner touches when the jutsu was performed was actually the means by which the Summoning takes place, as it is reflexively changed by the users mind to target the specific creature the mental command/image pictured, and the blood only serves two very specific functions here. the first is that it acts as a sort of "signature" for the "request form" that the Jutsu essentially comprises, while the second is to be utilized as a target for what essentially is a more advanced and much more powerful version of a substitution technique replacing the blood of the summoner with that of the summon, since it is still essentially a part of the user in composition.
even if this theory doesn't hold up, all Naruto would have to do to come up with a viable means to utilizing the jutsu would be to come up with a secondary seal that could be placed on either hand that would essentially cause Naruto's chakra to be directed only towards the desired species instead of two different ways at once, or a seal that could be placed on either palm that would essentially nullify the part of the summoning seal that is generated by the Jutsu towards the species that he does not want at the moment, and just remember that one hand would summon toads, while the other summons snakes. essentially, it would be like stating the phrase, "I summon you, (insert desired summon type/individual), but not you (insert comparable summon type/individual from the currently undesired species)." instead of just saying "I summon you, (insert desired summon type/individual)"
on a related note, should you go the route of a new summon contract or no summons altogether, would Naruto still get Sage Mode? If so, how? if he is unable to utilize the Toad Summoning, he will be unable to learn it from the toads unless he physically walks to their mountain, which for all we know could be on the complete opposite side of the planet, or another planet altogether, both of which would be impossible for Naruto to reach on his own in a timely manner.
another thing I would like to know would be if we shall see the Kiri team ever again, especially since I had them pegged for being a allied rival team of the "Only I'm allowed to beat them up" sort. they are characters that are a little too well developed and well established to just never be mentioned again like a throw away OC, and I always feel sad when someone wastes such a character that they obviously spent a large amount of time fleshing out and making sure that they don't buck the system.
I just thought that I would voice my thoughts on these matters and hope that I inspired some ideas in the process of you going over this review.
| Selwynn chapter 2 . 6/28/2011
Ooooh ,its heating up!
But naruto's slowness was what had me throw away the manga and anime, and here, I'm might give up just because of that. Cause,insane Naruto who totally reverts people to narutoism, genius Naruto and total stud naruto is fine.
Stupid? not so much.
sorry for horrible way i'm writing this, but I 'm much too lazy to actually fix it or make it right in the first place.
neh,this is only the beginning so we'll see, right?
| lounger chapter 17 . 5/16/2011
This is in fact a great story, it is well written, the cjaracters are realisric, but the plot is overused. So far it seems like it's the same old "Naruto gets smarter" idea, and I'm also wondering, why are other characters making different desicions than they normally would?
| god of all chapter 17 . 5/12/2011
Great chapter and story so far pleases continue this story soon.
| Insanity Lord chapter 17 . 5/11/2011
Hooo damn, this fic is awesome. I hope you continue it :) Two months to the next update? Cool.
- Insanity Lord.
| The Omnipotent Pirate chapter 4 . 5/2/2011
I hate your version of early sakura more than the canon early sakura. by early i mean pre-chunnin exams. any reason she's meaner in your story? As a fan of Sakura this is hard to read, but the story seems good, so I'll deal with it.
| Fuyutaro son chapter 17 . 4/23/2011
Love the update, still one of my favorite fics. :D
| dzk87 chapter 17 . 4/23/2011
An excellent chapter, and good luck on creating the next chapters.
| dzk87 chapter 10 . 4/23/2011
Sooo cool. I really love how you gave their entire team Orochimaru-affiliated stuffz.
| bleeerrrrgh chapter 1 . 4/23/2011
you have the honor of receiving my first flame
hahaha you have flame!
in case you couldnt tell this was a flame
| dzk87 chapter 4 . 4/23/2011
An excellent chapter, although we really see no signs that Naruto's sloppy taijutsu is anything except for his natural lack of grace.