|Reviews for the love the loved|
| AresChild chapter 1 . 6/30/2011
Wrong characters, wrong timezone, wrong everything! Whats more,
it would be a LOT easier to comprehend if the spelling, punctuation and grammar were correct. This could be good, but it needs a lot of editing, and not to be listed as a fic for the Roman Mysteries
| Hawka chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
okay, unexpected story. I'm guessing you put it in the wrong catagory because this is the wrong timezone and the wrong people, and not really Roman mysterys at all.
Also, just a piece of advice and I'm sorry to critise but it would be a lot easier to read if you paragraphed it.
| elizabeth's lullaby chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Sorry - is this in the wrong category? Because this ISN'T Roman Mysteries. Either that or you are taking advantage of a book which doesn't have as many stroies as it deserves.
| Grace chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
up,why is this in the Roman Mysteries category?This is completly is a Misc. bit of the site you know?Might want to put it up there.:)
I'm going to be brace yourself.
I don't see the point of isn't very good.I understand it's comletley something you made up I think,but even so the plot is not so of that happened in the space of a day and a half?She barely knows him?I'm sorry,but it just has so many holes how she magically has his number and old is she anyway?11?Cos that is how it sounds by the way she and her friends interact.
Next .It is is vital,crucial and any story suffers when it is not used properly.(You should,at this point notice the commas I'm you don't seem to be into :P)
When listing stuff,a comma should come after every word except in between the last two where you put and.I.e: Pink,orange,yellow and it?
Commas are also used to break down sentences.
"When we all took are seats me and my friends sit in the back row."
"When we all took our seats"is a complete phrase,you should put a comma note the quotation marks I them before sentences that the charcters are saying.
Okay,I know I'm being hard on you,but next up is spelling.
Try not to use text langaguge when looks you want people to take your story seriously,present it in a professinal manner.
Okay I think I've given you enough to chew on hey?Lol.I figured this is your first fic so well done :)But I reckon you can do better.:D