|Reviews for Chapter of a Lost Future|
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/24
I know It has been quiet time ago... but, would you mind write a story telling the part when Diablos travelled to the past and ended with the Potters, please? You can include the meeting with Arsenic and Odium or something like that...
(sorry if my english is a bit messy, I'm still learning it)
I love your stories, each one is special and creative, I always enjoy curl up in the coach with my tablet and read voraciously until it ends.
| Jace chapter 10 . 8/28/2016
It's always a sad moment when I reach the last chapter of this story. But I know that I'll come back to read it again. Thank you very much for sharing Diablos' story with us!
| Ishkabod chapter 5 . 7/27/2015
I have a horrible Monty Python Plot bunny attacking me! What would happen if Lucious went to Rita Skeeter with a Dumbledore Zombie story... Evil Forces have raised the Devil and disguised him as Dumbledore to trick Light families into following him. I think it would be a slight story killer Depending BUT someone with a different style than you could easily take this and run to some very interesting places. It would cut out allot of battling and have allot more dialoge and an even more crazy plot. Your plots are really somthing special. Well rounded, Great balance between drama/character development/character exploration, Action, Plot twists, and surprises. I must say you have very good forshadowing skills and i have seen them improve just over the course of this series. Its a very rare skill that few will ever come close to doing as well as you because its somthing easy to skip over and not develop. You are one of the best i have seen on There are allot of amazing authors BUT there may only be one other i think that matches you but that could also be me remembering a story i read of yours ages ago... Wonderful Job! This story is the most original, iteresting, fully developed, complete Story i have read in many months. Average 1-5 stories per week. I have read the HP continuation story that my sister and many others rave about... HP Kids Married to ginny, Ship to American wizardy school where kid enrolls, Quadpot game houses etc etc. Cant remember the title but long story short It took HP moved it to The USA copied the basic plot outline, Houses, Sports, School, Mystery, Evil. Blended with bad Collage frat movies with the underdog house. Allot of filler and slow moving. Read it for my sister. Great story and i want to read more but i can easily wait till its complete to re read it. Yours... Seat... Glue... Oops missed work... Oops Its my alarm clock i guess i should have stopped reading a few hours ago:-)
Thank You again for this wonderful Experience I see the makings of a bestselling author. sooooo cloce to JK perfect. another series like this and i would be suprised if you didn't have everything perfected!
Okay to put in
| Ishkabod chapter 6 . 7/26/2015
Bummed. Just about finished a full page review praising you and your work and oops refreshed? or somthing and poof gone! And i dont do wishy washy ooohhh aaahhhh praise but more detailed. Breakdown because tablets are no good for typing with nails.
1. Foreshadowing- An amazing skill and very difficult to master and most dont bother. At the start of this series 6/10 comparing to masters with only one other story can i remember seeing someone as good as you on . 99% near perfect. the last percent? well i see the potential for mastery and a few bits that were perfect foreshadowing in the last fee bits of the story but i need to see more to be sure. Plus you can never ever be perfect as my grade 6 teacher said so Great Job!
2. Overall story... Perfectly blended, balanced and exciting story without bogging us down with too many details. only one point do i see needing work... We know the original story Characters but the new ones with the twists in their history that changed harry to Diablos... Well... I get a hint here and there about their personalities but maybe fleshing them out within the story using harry to prompt Dia to share happy or funny stories about them would help. You can even add these to the story as is or if its too hard to modify a bit of the story without getting carried away you could write some shorts and at the chapter where they are introduced fully Make an authors Note to direct them to the individual story(s)as part of a flashback.
#3 This story is perfect. To publish though i would flesh out battle scene details and character profiles for some of the secondary characters introduced in the latter half of the story. This will increase the length and details and slow the pace down a bit but properly done it wont change the excitement or enjoyment of the reader. The story started this way when it came to characters but i understand having too many characters to use and leaving some out later on. For Fanfiction though If you were to do this from the start it would be very difficult to keep the momentum of the story going so you probably would never finish it so like i said. Its Perfect. Maybe setting up your character roster for yourself of major, minor and oneshot characters. Profile details like description of personality, History, Looks, Quirks, Relationships, etc then getting to integrate them in the story with a set point when they are to appear and reasoning for some of their dissappearance in the main plot. I think it might be the loss of HP to Dia and the balance there was before on their two perspectives that i am seeing somthing... Okay enough of the food for thought. I could go on forever but i will soon develop carpel tunnel if i dont stop again now.
Thank You sooo Much for this amazingly original well thought out, Exciting Rollercoaster of a Fanfiction.
P.s. i am not writing a story so ignore spelling and puntation errors/ typos as i simply am too lazy to correct them in a review on a tablet that is a pain to move a cursor on to edit. so uness i caught it before i had to delete more than 3 words i left it as is.
| QueenGenevieve chapter 10 . 5/22/2015
OK, great story, both of them. What I'm wondering, though, is what is Salerna? you said he wasn't human, but what is he?
| Helena chapter 10 . 6/22/2014
This is one of my all time favourite fanfictions and I think anout it quite a lot, even after it's been a year or so since I last read it. It's too good to only read once in your life, to just forget Diablos and Salerna and the others. I love this story so much, thank you for writing it!
| Kaya70 chapter 1 . 5/13/2014
| ShadowFireHime-Sama chapter 4 . 4/5/2014
odium is a zombie x.x i didn't know he ate human pieces x.x you just said undead not zombie oh crud x.x warning next time please
| FirePhoenix86 chapter 10 . 3/8/2014
I don't usually read Dumbledore or Ron-bashing stories (Which is ironic because I'm currently writing a story that could be considered a Dumbledore-basher.)
(If anyone is reading this review before starting this story, be aware, I will mention spoilers in this review. I'm reviewing both the first story and this one in a long review. If you don't care, read on...)
There were tons of grammatical errors in this story and the prequel. But they were the kind of errors I've seen from people who aren't originally English speakers so I didn't let it get to me. Usually, I'm a bit of a grammar nazi. One of the most common errors I've noticed is that you say things like, "He grabbed on her." or "They greeted on so-and-so." The 'on' isn't necessary in those instances. You make this mistake very often and I figured I would mention it.
I also noticed in the last chapter when Harry, Hermione, and Draco were kidnapped, they were all sitting in Snape's office and mentioned doing history homework. Earlier in this story you mentioned that Binns retired and Remus was now the history professor. But when they were in the office, they said Binns. Just a small continuity error but I figured I would mention it.
I actually enjoyed this story, and I had absolutely no idea that Diablos was actually a time traveler. It completely threw me for a loop to find out who he actually was. I felt like, in the beginning at least, that Diablos was a very unstable character. He comes off as such a strong, fearsome person, but actually he's really likeable and everyone who knows him in Italy really likes him...But he's also a manic depressive hermit...and a war hero... but also a Dark Lord...
It's like when you first started writing him you had no idea who he was going to be or you had too many ideas that clashed. Because Diablos was such a main, central character at first (and for good reason, Harry was too young to really be interesting then) the story follows him, but because he was such a confusing personality it was a little difficult to get into the story. He lacked any kind of predictability. Now, I'm not saying all main characters should be entirely predictable, but a little more of it would have been nice for Diablos' character. You achieved this towards the end more I think. Either that or I became used to the character enough to guess.
Another thing I would like to comment on is bringing the Weasley's to the future as well. You did an okay job with making sure we knew which Weasley you were mentioning, but it got a little tiring reading "The older/younger Weasley." every time you needed to mention them. It would have been nicer if you had given them code names for their previous lives that carried on into this life. Similar to how you did Arsenic and Odium's names. Or how we had Tom from the first life and Voldemort from the current one. Having people with the same names was a little more confusing than it should have been.
You also, just a small issue I had, you used the person's hair color as a dialogue descriptor a bit too much. "The white-haired man said..." You can use their names. I had a teacher tell me once that I needed to use "descriptors" with my he said/she said dialogue more, and then another teacher tell me I was doing it too much. It's a weird balance but I figured you should know, you used their hair color (or in Diablos' case, eye color) a bit too much to describe who was talking or doing something. (Sorry if this is a bit confusing, I'm a little tired.)
Overall, I really enjoyed the two stories. I think you handled the balance between Harry and Diablos very well. I loved that you would occasionally have a flashback to James and Dia's relationship in these last chapters. Knowing that Harry and James both called him Dia was adorable.
I do have one question. Why is Diablos' eyes Blue and red? If he is Harry from the past, shouldn't his eyes be Green and red?
| CharmedArtist chapter 10 . 3/7/2014
Awesome stuff. I really love your writing 3
| MADStar529 chapter 10 . 1/4/2014
So great. Love the ending.
| Lunacom chapter 6 . 9/17/2013
I wish they would call the Italian on Dumbledore.
| Pyrane chapter 10 . 9/11/2013
Well done, no loose ends :D
That was great, so THANK YOU !
| burntblood.1982 chapter 10 . 5/11/2013
please write a past story love dia and his friends stories
| cilia-chan chapter 10 . 4/30/2013
yet again, this fic is amazing! I LOVE Diablos and Harry's relationship 3