|Reviews for Torment|
| yakari school chapter 10 . 3/10/2013
Gah! This needs an update! (Sorry if that sounded rude) :(
This is definitly one of the creepyer fics I've read. I look forwards to a new chapter!
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 10 . 11/29/2012
I'm so sorry about your laptop. I hope someone gives you a new one for Christmas! (If you celebrate that of course). I enjoyed the chapter and I too wonder why Ryou's so angry. Must be the stress. I wish this story had a bigger reception especially with the effort you're making to upload it. I haven't written anything by hand longer than a paragraph in years so I can only imagine your pain.
| Kingdom Hearts Slayer chapter 9 . 11/11/2012
Keep going its good
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 9 . 9/24/2012
And it gets thicker! Ganbatte Ryou-kun!
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 8 . 8/26/2012
Good one. I'm curious as to who is on the phone.
Also there is this:
"One hundred sacrifices are needed. Their blood and flesh must mix with the gold." Kul Elna anybody?
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 7 . 8/10/2012
No Ryou you're not gonna die. If he does I'll cry! This story is pure genius but if you kill him off I won't forgive you!
| Kingdom Hearts Slayer chapter 7 . 8/6/2012
nice keep going its good
| Vivian Lynn chapter 6 . 7/19/2012
Well, it's been around two years since I last read this story, and I'm glad to say I still love it. It's always nice when a story actually portrays Bakura as something other than a weak-willed, spineless, lump of a pitiful person. People often forget that he fought against Zorc constantly when his friends were in danger, especially in the manga/season 0. I especially like how you're tying in his past as the thief king, as well as the fact that the spirit of the ring was not the thief. I nearly pull my hair out every time someone makes that mistake.
As for writing, I don't see many mistakes, spelling wise. However, there is an error in the second chapter, about half way through, where it says "She wore only a blue hakama, and her bare chest and arms where covered in dark blue marks like tattoos". The "where" in here should be "were". Other than that, I don't think I spotted any other errors.
I do have a few (hopefully)constructive criticisms: We don't get a lot of how each place feels. The descriptions of how the areas look is nicely done, but it would be good to see other senses be addressed. For example, when Bakura is in the decrepit manor for the first time, what's it smell like? Obviously it'll be dusty, but will it also smell overpoweringly of must as well? Or is there so many holes in the wall that fresh air can still get though? When he ends up in the dream manor each night, is he suddenly jarred by the coldness of the place(if it is cold)? Does he feel a sudden chill in different rooms, possibly alerting him to the presence of a spirit? Or does the coldness creep up on him gradually enough that he doesn't realize it until too late? If it is cold in the manor, does he occasionally have to stop to warm up his hands and arms? Do the floor boards creek as he steps on them in certain spots? Or is there dust on the floor that muffles the sound of his footfalls? And if he stops for some reason, is he put on edge because of a lack of his own footsteps?
I really *really* hope that this didn't come off as condescending or unappreciative at all. The story certainly works very well even without any of that stuff I mentioned. There were several moments when I had to look around worriedly, just to make sure there wasn't anything behind me. I really would watch this in an instant if it existed in anime form.
I greatly look forward to future updates.
Reading this story a few years ago actually inspired me to play Fatal Frame for the very first time.
I blame you for my constant paranoia, seeing things, and general sleep deprivation after I was done playing. Also, I will blame you for my addiction I have developed to the suspense/horror genre in general.
Expect my lawyer. Or not. Maybe.
| Mermaid Ninja chapter 6 . 7/8/2012
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 6 . 7/6/2012
Well that's new. Now is when it starts to really become a crossover and not just him replacing Rei, Miku, and Kei I see. I can't wait to see what this evolves into. It was already epic but now. Now you get to really make it something special. Keep up the great work!
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 5 . 6/21/2012
Nice chapter! I'm so glad you updated!
| Dragonkiller12012 chapter 4 . 6/9/2012
This is awesome! I look forward to more!
| pixelhuskey chapter 4 . 5/29/2012
Yay! I was really happy when I saw this in my inbox! Made my day.
| Bloodwitch Raven chapter 4 . 5/28/2012
I was afraid that this story would be forgotten :'( and, was going to be forcefully removed. Now I'm happy x)!
| Mermaid Ninja chapter 3 . 6/13/2011
More More More!