|Reviews for The Cult|
| Aheartwithglass chapter 11 . 8/21/2012
| AlineLopes chapter 5 . 11/28/2010
hello! your fic is incredible! i must admit that on the tree first chapters i didn't like it so much, it was a little confuse i don't know. however at the chapter you explain about the cult, when cassie show naru and mai the videos and the next when charles try to read the future of both, you really get a lot better. i also loved the way cassie and her friends started screaming, a fight full of care and regret, i mean, it was really great, congrats, keep the good word, i'm certaly gonna read your others fics!
| Autumn Midnight chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Some corrections (There are more, but it’s too many):
I can't help myself to be owed in amazement – In all honesty, I don’t think this really makes sense. I would rewrite to “I can’t but be wowed’ or something. It’s easier to understand.
Eleven different buildings grace the wide perimeter as what I supposed to be, the eleven colleges of the said University – take out the comma
Our team's miko, shouted one Saturday morning while pointing at Dr. Matsuzaki – move the comma to after shouted
Apparently, seeing his doctor for a father sitting on SPR office is the oddest thing she had ever encounter on her 24 years of life. – This doesn’t make sense. What does ‘seeing his doctor for a father’ mean? I would rethink this sentence.
…Tokyo University." begun the 54 years old client – period, should be a comma
Doctors have scary façade…- the word ‘doctors’ shouldn’t be capitalize
his black suite – suit, not suite. A suite is a room at a hotel.
Brief case (briefcase) is one word.
But I have to add though that this decision do not came from the head of the University itself. – change ‘do not’ to ‘did not’ & ‘itself’ to ‘himself’
Our college, you see, was having disturbing deaths that increases on an alarming rate during the past few months. - Our college, you see, is having a disturbing amount of deaths that has increased an alarming rate during the past few months.
Dr. Matzusaki pointed at the file again I reluctantly look… - it’s a run-on. Add a period after again and change ‘look’ to ‘looked’
And last week, another medicine student, Yukari Hayashi, drown – change ‘drown’ to ‘drowned’
"With all due respect sir, I don't see anything odd about this death at all except that they all happen this year." John Brown, a twenty year old Australian priest asked our client politely. – John didn’t ask anything so I would change ask to said or comment.
not of them are malicious – change not to none
I roomed my eyes inside the van. – How do you room you eyes? I would get it if it was something like “My eyes roamed the inside of the van.”
…Ayako who, by the look of it, is fidgeting as if she is trying to sit on a red hot poker …- ‘was’, not ‘is’ The tense your story is past not present. You tend to switch between those two.
daija vou – déjà vu
I didn't now – ‘know’, not ‘now’
Ayako decide to struggle him – is this suppose to be ‘strangle’?
I would suggest you look over your work more carefully or have a friend who’s good in grammar read it. Also, try and get a beta.
| xSapphirexRosesxFanx chapter 11 . 10/6/2010
| sousie chapter 11 . 10/6/2010
wow that was one great story
| Cheesecake and Coconut chapter 11 . 9/23/2010
nice ending but I'd love it if you do a sequel XD
| FeuWitch chapter 11 . 9/23/2010
And 'THe End' has ,it could take me minutes to process the 'THe End' thing.I really hate endings when the story was so awesome...*sigh* but everything has to end..Well,,4 the last note 4 the story:U are a great writer and got 41 reviews in this 11 chaptered story and tat proof smthing!I'm glad I could read ur in the future I'll re-read knows?Anyways,r u considerin of makin' an sequel?
| FeuWitch chapter 10 . 9/4/2010
My God...So sad they have to die.. :( Well,people die,rite?I'm looking foward to the funeral scene...And the Naru Sleeping Scene:I could just imagine the look on his face!So cute! xD
| sweetymai90 chapter 9 . 5/12/2010
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay love it please update soooooooooooon
| Blackraven4400 chapter 9 . 5/11/2010
so Mitchiro is the leader of the Satan Church and she is the one who did the killing. I like this chapter update when you can great chapter.
| Death Cab 4 Cutie chapter 9 . 5/11/2010
THNX 4 DA THNX! I was 2 lazy 2 log in. (-_-;) Awesome chappie as always! PLEASE UPDATE AGAIN SOOOOOON! (-)
| Blackraven4400 chapter 8 . 5/4/2010
Welcome back and I like this chapter I never thought that Hikaro was a member of the Satan's Church and now that they have Naru and Mai I wonder what will happen next. update when you can. great job.
| Death Cab 4 Cutie chapter 8 . 5/4/2010
WoW! You left me speechless.
Thank heavens you updated - I thought you died!(J.K.)
No need to thank me, I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! - Sorry 'bout dat. When I'm happy i tend to say Dupid (Stupid) things. When I'm REALLY happy, i tend to actually type them! I guess you could figure out what my mood is right now. Anyways, please update soon!
| sweetymai90 chapter 8 . 5/4/2010
yay please update son
| Miss March Muffin chapter 8 . 5/4/2010
wow, I was really honored when I read the special thanks.
I should be the one thanking you for soing that and also updating your latest chapter! great cliffy by the way! so excited! hope you update soon!