|Reviews for Whorehouse|
| Judgementality chapter 1 . 2/22/2010
Hmm. I'm going to start pinpointing all the mistakes I noted unceremoniously. Because... well, I believe in pain-then-reward rather than reward-then-pain.
1. He was pretty much sure he was familiar with the area, but one wrong turn he ended up in a dark street. Good thing he put on a jacket, because the rain starts to fall.
Problem: Only the last sentence had a tiny bit of problem. Since previously, the sentences were written in Past Tense, it is VERY advisable that you write in Past Tense for ALL sentences.
Solution: Good thing he put on a jacket, because the rain (had) started to fall.
2. "Oh great," he muttered as he wrapped the jacket tighter around his body. But it wasn't long until he soaked.
Problem: The problem lies in the word "soaked". To soak something, means to submerge something in water and get the object wet. To get soaked is being submerged or splashed with water and get wet.
Solution: But it wasn't long until he got soaked.
3. He walked in and widens his eyes at what he sees.
Problem: "He walked in and widens his eyes at what he sees." Well... it's a bit 'chaotic' to clash Past Tense and Present Tense together in one sentence. Soo..., yeah!
Ignoring all those (insignificant) eyesores, the story was pretty much written off good! And, write more Jenrika/Henrika! I simply adore that couple! Actually, I will like it, regardless of who Jenrya is paired with... EXCEPT for Ryo and Shuichon (Susie). They just... (Shudders) Seem strange in a bunch.
Well, lots of love!
Watching in the Shadow,
** P.S: Why was Rika in the whorehouse, hm?
| Some1 U Dunno chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
Short but Oh so sweet! :3 Finaly someone made Henry a man! This one cheered me up a lot! Thanks and keep up! :D