Reviews for The Night Before
Renee Aubin chapter 4 . 6/14/2014
Given SM’s description of her vampires’ strength and, um, hardness, I think you gave us a realistic description of how Bella’s human body would have fared. Canon Edward was right to be cautious, at least.

Aww, ‘I shook my head, tears pricking my eyes, as I struggled to understand what had happened to me, what was happening to me.’ How could she possibly understand?

Good call, having Alice come over to help. Excellent moment: ‘She hissed loudly at the sight of my blackened torso and for a brief moment her reaction frightened me. Every instinct seemed to scream at me to run away from her…’

What!? ‘Edward had been ignoring me for over a month now…’ A little surprising that he didn’t leave town altogether. And I imagine Alice isn't supply any explanation about her brother.

Aww, even though she saw Alice every day, ‘We never spoke to each other during those times and we rarely made eye contact during school hours, but every now and then she would pass me in the corridors and I would feel a small cold hand reach out to give my own a light squeeze.’

A reasonable conclusion: ‘Edward was clearly very attractive – my beautiful boy – and probably had girls throwing themselves at him all the time… I didn't know where he'd been or what he might be carrying.’ Wrong, we know, but reasonable.

Fun use of Mike’s (and later Eric’s) invitation to flush out Edward’s continued interest in Bella. I like this: ‘I was shocked when a cold hand suddenly shot out to grip the wrist that was buried in my rucksack.
Edward's hand was firm, but I could feel the slight tremor of his fingers as he fought to restrain his strength. When I looked at him though he seemed confused by his actions, as if he couldn't quite understand what his hand had done.’

Snicker: ‘Edward stuck to his usual routine of zooming out of the door as soon as the bell rang, leaving me to follow my usual routine of staring at him in amazement…’

I like your version of Edward’s reaction to Tyler’s ambush much better than canon. This made me laugh: ‘I sat and I stared and yet I still couldn't comprehend what had just happened.’

So did:
‘Locked in a stare-off I fought to find words to describe what I was feeling.
"What the hell was that?!"
Ok then. Not quite as controlled and well-thought out as I intended.’

Whoa, I didn’t expect the ending! About damned time.
Burton74 chapter 11 . 6/11/2014
I can't believe you left this story with that last line!
Renee Aubin chapter 3 . 6/7/2014
Dang it, so “we need to talk” was not “let me tell you the truth about me” but “we can’t see each other”.

Good job with their mutual awkwardness. For example, ‘He looked so sincere and so tormented (again). I was torn between wanting to wrap my arms around him, to hold him tight, and wanting to slap him.’

A great visual image: ‘Making sure to keep eye contact with Edward, I lifted one arm up, my hand reaching out to him. Edward stared at it as if it were a snake.’

Good for her: “I made exactly the same decisions that night as I would have made if I knew that I was awake. I wanted it, I wanted... you.”

I enjoy Bella’s boldness, despite her inexperience. She quite rightly guesses that if he runs away, he won’t ever be back.

"Not that I don't respect you, Bella. I do. I just... God, I'm making a mess of this." Uh, yeah.

This was amusing: ‘I shook my head, unable to reconcile his old-fashioned principles with my somewhat limited knowledge of teenage boys. It didn't add up.’

And this is smart: ‘I decided action was the way forward. … I licked his bottom lip and that wonderful rumbling growl started up again, causing me squirm on top of his lap as the shockwaves from the vibrations pulsed through my body.’

This made me laugh out loud:
‘He shook his head slightly, briefly glancing towards the window and his escape. "I'm going to hell."
I took that as consent and assaulted his mouth again.’

These two are certainly no slouches in paying attention to what works for each other. Quick learners.

Jeez, at the end of the chapter there’s no clue whether she’ll ever see him again! Of course WE think we know… Plus the longer he waits to tell her, the more risk he runs that she'll be furious.
Guest chapter 2 . 6/1/2014
Enjoyed Bella’s panic the next morning. This made me laugh out loud: ‘I had sex with Edward Cullen, passed out afterwards and opened my bedroom door to my father the morning after, without even checking first to make sure I had clothes on.’

Wow would this ever be difficult: ‘I needed to focus; I needed to have a shower, get dressed and go to school, just like usual.’ Creepy that she finds ‘My body was completely littered with bruises, overlapping most of my bare skin.’ And yet ‘How could Edward possibly have caused this? He was so gentle with me.’ Definitely adds to the mystery of the van accident.

It would be tough enough processing last night’s events while pretending nothing is different, but when you consider this, too: ‘All day I had had to smile politely and make non-committal comments when person after person approached me for my first hand daring account of how I had narrowly escaped death the day before.’ Yikes.

Terrific: ‘I secretly wondered if [Jessica] would have delivered the story with even more relish had I died.’

And of course: ‘I needed desperately to talk to him; to find out what it was that just happened last night.’ After all, the last thing she “remembers” is passing out, and when she woke he was gone.

Smile: ‘I was nearly knocked off my feet when I walked blindly into a brick wall...
Or not.
Alice Cullen had grabbed my elbows, stopping the sprawl backwards I was about to end up in.’

Funny, the corkscrew logic Bella uses when Alice gives her the cream for her bruises: ‘She knew and that meant that there was something to know. I really did have sex with Edward Cullen last night.’

What a trial for him to see her bruises for the first time in such a public forum. Nice: ‘How I had gone from wanting to demand what the hell was going on to comforting Edward, I don't know. But something inside me, deep and ingrained, couldn't let him suffer.’

Arggh, and NOW he comes up with this line? “it's best if we're not friends. It's best if I stay away from you."
Well said: ‘So that's how it would be. Back to the beginning.
The rest of school went by in a blur. A blurrish hellish blur.’

Fun – she inventories all the clues about Edward from the past couple days: ‘Adding all this up I had...
...absolutely nothing.’

Well at least he shows up at her room that evening! And oh my: ‘"I tried to stay away. I really did... and I'm so sorry that I'm weak. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I needed to be here with you. Please forgive me." Edward's tortured murmur nearly broke my heart.’

Wonderful: ‘As much as I wanted to stay right where I was, kissing Edward forever, I really needed to breathe. Passing out once was just barely acceptable. Passing out twice would just be stupid and humiliating.’

“We need to talk”, huh? How much is he going to tell her?
Renee Aubin chapter 2 . 6/1/2014
Enjoyed Bella’s panic the next morning. This made me laugh out loud: ‘I had sex with Edward Cullen, passed out afterwards and opened my bedroom door to my father the morning after, without even checking first to make sure I had clothes on.’

Wow would this ever be difficult: ‘I needed to focus; I needed to have a shower, get dressed and go to school, just like usual.’ Creepy that she finds ‘My body was completely littered with bruises, overlapping most of my bare skin.’ And yet ‘How could Edward possibly have caused this? He was so gentle with me.’ Definitely adds to the mystery of the van accident.

It would be tough enough processing last night’s events while pretending nothing is different, but when you consider this, too: ‘All day I had had to smile politely and make non-committal comments when person after person approached me for my first hand daring account of how I had narrowly escaped death the day before.’ Yikes.

Terrific: ‘I secretly wondered if [Jessica] would have delivered the story with even more relish had I died.’

And of course: ‘I needed desperately to talk to him; to find out what it was that just happened last night.’ After all, the last thing she “remembers” is passing out, and when she woke he was gone.

Smile: ‘I was nearly knocked off my feet when I walked blindly into a brick wall...
Or not.
Alice Cullen had grabbed my elbows, stopping the sprawl backwards I was about to end up in.’

Funny, the corkscrew logic Bella uses when Alice gives her the cream for her bruises: ‘She knew and that meant that there was something to know. I really did have sex with Edward Cullen last night.’

What a trial for him to see her bruises for the first time in such a public forum. Nice: ‘How I had gone from wanting to demand what the hell was going on to comforting Edward, I don't know. But something inside me, deep and ingrained, couldn't let him suffer.’

Arggh, and NOW he comes up with this line? “it's best if we're not friends. It's best if I stay away from you."

Well said: ‘So that's how it would be. Back to the beginning.
The rest of school went by in a blur. A blurrish hellish blur.’

Fun – she inventories all the clues about Edward from the past few days:
‘Adding all this up I had...
...absolutely nothing.’

Well at least he shows up at her room that evening! And oh my: ‘"I tried to stay away. I really did... and I'm so sorry that I'm weak. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I needed to be here with you. Please forgive me." Edward's tortured murmur nearly broke my heart.’

Wonderful: ‘As much as I wanted to stay right where I was, kissing Edward forever, I really needed to breathe. Passing out once was just barely acceptable. Passing out twice would just be stupid and humiliating.’

“We need to talk”, huh? How much is he going to tell her?
Renee Aubin chapter 1 . 5/26/2014
Hello, Evieeden. I have to confess I read all available chapters (a while ago) and am just now getting around to writing reviews. I hope you’re still intending what the note on your profile says, to finish eventually. It would be a shame to never know what you had in mind for the rest of this story!

I found TNB in kind of a roundabout way. I saw a recommendation for your story “The Cullen Girl” on the (late, lamented) Fictionators. An intriguing AU premise, so I added it to my TBR list. Then when checking your profile, this one sounded so interesting that I had to read it right away.

I loved that you ran with the outtake from the movie. Thank you, Catherine Hardwicke for having a juicier imagination than SM!

Good question: ‘Why wasn't I screaming to Charlie that some boy who may or may not hate me but did save my life was hovering over my body while I slept?’ As readers we’re so immersed in our knowledge of how the story goes, that a simple, logical question like that can shake us up and remind us that this is not everyday reality, in other words, what’s special about this story.

And this is wonderful, what she observes about Edward: ‘No longer was this the carefully formed blankness apparent in the emergency room. The illusion of calm was completely shattered.’

Interesting: ‘The predatory hunger should have scared me off, made me recoil back against the headboard, but the intense sorrow held me in place.’

Good capture of what it’s like to be a teenage girl: ‘The kind [of hunger] I'd always secretly wanted to be a part of, despite the fact that no one had ever caught my eye or made me feel that way before. It was want and need and desire and it was my dream… and I could do what I wanted in it.’

Thank the goddess your Edward is different from canon in this way: ‘I was touching him. And he wasn't backing away.’ This whole story is predicated on both of them choosing to explore what they wanted from each other. I like that you manage to convey that that takes courage, too.

I enjoyed that you included details like this: ‘As we fell Edward shot out his right handbracing himself so as to avoid crushing me underneath him as we landed.’ I feel as if I’m watching a movie when I read this. You did such a great job building the details of how she was affected by his every action.

Your Bella’s voice is so much fun: ‘I secretly smirked to myself at the thought; I'm having my way with Edward. Not graceful and not seductive, but lustful and desperate... and working.’ And of course believing she’s dreaming removes a huge layer of self-doubt and inhibition. ‘What? Stop? No no, no! This was my dream and we were not stopping.’

And although there is (deliberately and believably) so little dialog, there was something electrifying about this moment's connection back to canon: ‘"Bella breathe," a smooth voice commanded…’

Nice: ‘Real Edward had stood there and mocked my efforts to explain how he had stopped a van from crushing me to death with his hand. Real Edward had no place in this fantasy.’ I was surprised when rereading the first book a while ago how snarky and verbally unkind canon Edward was.

‘that decadent mouth’ … yumm. I like that you included his moment of bloodlust panic, although of course she doesn’t know why.

Great how she calls him on this:
“It wouldn't be right. There are things that you don't know about me..."
"Only because you won't tell me," I blurted out, interrupting him. "I asked and you laughed in my face."’

This is very brave of her: ‘"I just... Don't you want me?" I asked brokenly, suddenly very tired of trying to fight for the affection of someone who didn't feel the same way.’ Good girl: ‘I'd heard what I wanted to hear and decided to shut him up the only way I knew how.’

Perfect: ‘His eyes never left mine. The torment and frustration were gone now, replaced by a gaze of awe and wonder, as well as a healthy bucketload of lust. This was how my Edward should look.’

A wonderful turning point: ‘Edward, who had been staring entranced at where my hands were held captive by his, glanced up. Taking in my expression and the desperation in my voice he hesitated before nodding, teeth clenched together and heavy pants resounding through his body underneath me.’

Terrific: ‘A low sinful chuckle interrupted my brain meltdown at the discovery that Edward went commando. I slowly peeked through my lashes to meet Edward's deliciously crooked smirk.’ Commando Edward, brain meltdown? Oh yeah.

Loved this too: ‘I blindly reached downwards until his cock was cradled in my shaking hand. The smirk vanished to be replaced with a low groan as Edward's eyes fluttered shut and a look of pure bliss crossed his face.’

That was some orgasmic haze, that she didn’t react to “you need to breathe love” – she’s certainly never heard that word from him before. Of course she doesn’t even get a breath to think about it before they’re on to bigger and better things.

Now this does sound like canon Edward: "Bella please forgive me... I didn't mean to... I knew we shouldn't have done this. Please forgive me?"
It made me smile that it’s his apology that makes her realize it wasn’t a dream.

Can’t wait to see where you take this story. Such a different beginning could change EVERYTHING. (PS I'll try to shorten my future reviews - this was just SOOO good)
1WhoLoves2ReadAlot chapter 11 . 2/25/2014
Great story! Love it! It's one my favorite Edward/ Bella, hope you get a chance to finish.
cela chapter 6 . 2/17/2014
Carlisle should tell Edward what's going on with all the over protective crap. i'm sure he can see that Edward is staking his claim on his mate. of course Edward is to stubborn to see this.
YamiLuna chapter 11 . 1/28/2014
!Please continue writing this story!
X3X
666Spektor chapter 11 . 1/27/2014
NO NO NOOOO
COME ON!
YOU CAN'T STOP NOW!
Jejejdiwnsjwggwbdyqoatscwnw
NOOOOOOO
PLEAASE PLEEAASE FOLLOW THIS AMAZING STORY! PLEASE!
I LOOOOOOOVE IT!
Please don't stop now ):
Please
Please
Please.
Andrea chapter 11 . 12/2/2013
hi :)
I love your Story, I started reading it a while ago, but I would love to know if you complete the Story.
TwilightChangedMyLife chapter 11 . 10/28/2013
I really wish you would continue this story. It is great! I like these versions of Edward and Bella. Do you you plan to contunue it eventually?
Guest chapter 11 . 8/14/2013
This story rocks. I love how you mixed things up. School scenes would be awesome. Please, PLEASE, pretty please another chapter of this AU retelling. It's so deliciously raw and aggressive. Cheers.
Emmauk26 chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
hey hun, are you still writing this? I hope so coz I'd love to see how it turns out.
Ellie Aluinn chapter 11 . 5/22/2013
:-D
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