|Reviews for The Other Man|
| femme-mal chapter 8 . 8/4/2011
Am enjoying this fanfic so far, Bella's frustration and desire communicated very clearly.
Only two nits I would take with this piece which is otherwise well-written and editorially clean of errors.
1 - Unless they are unconsciously (or in Edward's case, consciously) looking to get caught, it makes no sense to go to Bella's & Jasper's apartment for a rendezvous, too easy for Jasper to come home unexpectedly. [Of course I'm only on Chapter 8 as I write this, perhaps that's part of the plot - if so, please disregard this. ;-)]
2 - Chapter 8 contains a single graf that is 630 words long (and it's the lemon, too). Ideally when writing for the internet, optimum graf length is 100-300 words for ease of reading, very important due to variations in readers' displays. The graf in question could easily be broken into a minimum of three grafs; this would also allow the content to feel a bit more leisurely and less rushed. As it reads now, one feels like E/B never "came up for air" at all.
Looking forward to the rest of this fic, keep up the nice work. Hope you will come back soon and wrap this one up, too, it's worth the investment in closure.
| Patte chapter 18 . 4/24/2010
There was no chapter to review! Was this an error? At any rate, I do love the story so far...looking forward to the next chapter.
| jellyjo2014 chapter 17 . 4/23/2010
I've just caught up with this story, and I've got to say, it's a really good one. It reminds me of a Harry Potter fanfic that I was reading but that's a different story.
P.S. You should have Bella make Edward stop smoking. How can he expect to be protecting her when he gets winded just walking up stairs because of his bad tar-filled lungs?
| sherylb chapter 17 . 4/22/2010
I just LOVE Edward so much!1
| sherylb chapter 16 . 4/22/2010
Well, I guess we know who's helping Jasper... is Alice a sociopath, too?
| sherylb chapter 15 . 4/22/2010
Crap! Jasper really is a sociopath!
| sherylb chapter 14 . 4/22/2010
"I love you Bella."
| sherylb chapter 9 . 4/22/2010
"Bella, he doesn't even look at you anymore."...sad
"You mean more to me than anything in this world Bella. I'd give it all up for you." he lifted my chin with his finger, and looked me in the eyes. "Would you do the same for me?"...he is such a sweetheart
| sherylb chapter 7 . 4/22/2010
"One day very soon, I'm going to make love to you, and you're going to see how you really deserve to be treated. I am going to kiss every inch of your beautiful little body, and make it mine. Do you want that?"...Yes, please! raises hand!
"Three doors down the hallway, Jasper worked in his office, on a dirty text message to his assistant"...Not surprised at this-my first husband cheated on me, and he was always staying late and sex became a once a month thing
| sherylb chapter 5 . 4/22/2010
"In your heart, it feels like you're finally doing what's right." He said, and kissed my hair. "My heart tells me the same thing Bella."...Love this!
"I frowned as I thought about how Jasper and I had never shared a shower."...that is really sad!
| sherylb chapter 4 . 4/22/2010
"You deserve ecstasy."... Holy Crap! he sure knows how to deliver...
Just started reading...Love it!
| twifanficfreak chapter 17 . 4/3/2010
I am loving your story and looking forward to reading more!
| Anea3000 chapter 17 . 3/31/2010
Really good story so far. It's keeping me on the edge of my seat and I want to see what's going to happen next. Please continue.
| StrawberryMii-Chan chapter 16 . 3/25/2010
what a lovely little present and i think alice sent them for jasper...or not o well
| justwanttoread chapter 1 . 3/25/2010
Just found this story after reading "Teaching Miss Swan" - I like it - very creative