|Reviews for Into the Nothing|
| me chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
This is really nice, but you misspelled Magikarp and Ninetales.
| pfft chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
I do not think song fics are allowed. -shrug- The concept is good though.
| Farla chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
In addition, it's "ninetales" not "ninetails", and "magikarp" not "magicarp". It's a good idea to look up any pokemon species to get the right spelling.
"many a male had tried (and failed) to covet her"
Coveting is one of those things you do inside your head. You can't fail at it. It's like trying and failing to be jealous.
"Evolve or Die. Not much of an option, is there? It kind of sucks having to make this choice, being on the brink of death and all"
Anyway, as to your story, the real issue is you never actually address the central question it's about.
There's a vulpix. Somehow, she's in charge of the whole pack despite being a vulpix. She is now very old, and will die if she doesn't evolve. She sits about not evolving. People point out this is weird. She continues to sit about not evolving. She quotes music lyrics in a jarring manner that, despite not knowing the song, I can generally identify by when the dialogue goes from stilted to making no fucking sense at all. She dies.
None of it fits together. We're told they all rejected her except for one that didn't, except she's in charge and they're all worried she'll die, so it just comes off as pity me rhetoric. There's some suggestion picking her for leader led to a big fight, but none of that is ever explained and it's not even clear what that has to do with the story.
There's some mention of regal blood she doesn't have, which doesn't make sense because we have no idea what it means or even who the ninetales is to her. (Her kid? Another claimant to the throne? Some random subject?)
You've got the vulpix sitting around being crazy, so the fact anyone else cares (or that this is their idea of a leader) doesn't make sense either. Leaders don't respond to "please don't die you are a great leader" with "TACTICS ARE MEANINGLESS SOONER OR LATER THEY WILL OVERCOME AND KILL YOU JUST AS I WILL DIE SCREW YOU ALL".
And also there's random banishment of some other ninetales because, and this means something about their relationship with the other tribe except for it not meaning anything, or something.
And so on. You never explain why the vulpix is throwing a fit over not evolving, or how on earth this society functions, or why anyone wants the wangsty vulpix around in the first place, and your already poorly done story then has half the lines be total nonsense because you're quoting a song. I'm not sure how much of the incoherence is you trying to set up lines or if the story started off this bad and the song lyrics are just a random addition, but whatever the cause, this is an absolute mess.
| Twilight Smash chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
Wow now that was good. You really captured the emotion of it I loved it.