Reviews for There's Wolves About
Wolfswoods chapter 1 . 5/8/2014
I know this is an old story, but I just have to say I enjoyed it immensely. A touch of surrealism, and overall just wonderfully crafted together.
DemonRaily chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
It was really interesting piece indeed _
Lady Cheshire chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
So. . . I really liked this. I mean, really really liked this. My only disappointment is that it isn't longer, and the story doesn't go as deep as one might like. Regardless, this is a very crafty, ingenous piece of work mirroring the fairy tale. I'm very impressed. Can't wait to see more from you!
Rayless Night chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
Great idea for this story. There are the obvious things - Yukiko and red, Adachi being a wolf - but it really hearkens back to the fairy tale's (maybe?) origin of being a cautionary tale.

I like the psychological back-and-forth between them, also Adachi's warning at the end. Good ambiguity, whether he's trying to appear innocent or is in fact threatening her. Adachi throughout is very well written, so innocuous on the surface and so ugly just beneath.

Good style too, the italicized dialogue, parentheticals, the way the short lines narrow it visually, almost like a poem. The way the pet name, Yuki-chan is so often repeated and isolated from the other lines. Great economical use of description, the forest-like fog, Adachi's reflection in the windshield, his cheek "twisting" as he smiles. Sets the scene, ties into the fairy tale, and is never purple-prosey. Really great.


This piece feels like an extended metaphor to me - about Little Red - and in that way, it works well. However, I don't think it works as well as a story. There's little context (why is Yukiko creeped out by Adachi? She's remarkably un-savvy after all, and even if she is subliminally afraid, wouldn't she second-guess it?). Also, there's what feels like a momentary break into Chie's perspective ("but the last part she never says aloud") - and the line itself doesn't really match Chie's tone either.

Basically, I think that a strong, flexible, meaningful metaphor is awesome, no question. But it has to be built on something that makes sense, stands on its own. So while this is an excellent image to work with, I don't think there's quite enough of a story to support it. It doesn't need much more though, just some rounding out, particularly with Yukiko. (For instance, why, aside from the theme, does she ask him if he's met any wolves?)

Other than that -

"Isn't it, he says" - traditionally, his line should have a question mark, but if his inflection is really flat or offhand there, the comma works.

"to catch him" - the bolding there is jarring

"engine's howl" - the wolf theme is good, but engines don't really howl, so it's not as effective there

This could go either way, being dialogue, but "I hear there [are] wolves about" is technically correct. But people are pretty sloppy when they talk, so it's your call.

End crit

It's a great idea, and I like the streamlined writing. I hope you didn't mind that I went on and on up there - and I hope my review was helpful.
We Stole Vodka From The Optic chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
This OneShot is made of pure awesome.