Reviews for Duel For You, Ben Davidson |
---|
![]() ![]() Interesting! Very historical too! You really did your research for this one and it shows! What a well written fic! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I rather lol'ed at the comments about Elizabeth being jealous of Felicity's bosom - rather risque talk for colonial Williamsburg! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Brace yourself, cause I'm going to be quite frank. So far: This chapter need lots of work. Hear me out. I think you are a GREAT writer. I think you researched lots of stuff. I just think...well how about I just list what I think you could work on. 1. Okay, 2 sixteen year old girls. In a bar. With two guys. And they're getting drunk. Its the 1780s! Respectable ladies just didn't do that sort of thing. Or associate with someone who would call them "prostitutes". Sorry. The rules of society were very rigid, and this sort of stuff didn't happen. 2. This chapter is somewhat too long and overly detailed. Don't get me wrong, I love authors who give good detail, but this one just goes into every detail. 3. Too sexual. This is more of a follow up to the first one, but innocence was regarded very highly in colonial society. I feel like you throw around sexual stuff (i.e.: bosoms) too casually. 4. I think you take the old version of "sweetheart" too much like a new version of "girlfriend". People back then weren't necessarily tied to their sweethearts like girlfriends now, who were just objects of affection. You could have multiple ones. It wasn't particularly a crime to like or look someone's sweetheart the wrong way. Maybe you see it my way now. I'm gonna continue reading, hopefully it gets better. Again, great writing, just some historical inaccuracies and other bits and pieces. -iSailTheSeas PS. I'm aware that this story is finished, so the criticism is sorta unneeded, but I'm giving my two cents, in case you decide to write another fic for these books. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Thank you for the acknowledgement, Commander! I do hope this means that you are getting ready to post another chapter of a great story! Any hints? |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is probably one of my favorite Felicity/Ben fanfics ever. I laughed with Walter and those little chats between Lissie and Ben when they're alone and the man gets a little bold, got real ticked at the man in the bar insulting Felicity and Elizabeth, blushed (and awed) with the romance between Felicity and Ben, and cheered Ben on when he and Walter were in the bar fight, and when he had ended up punching Atherton (even though he shouldn't have..). Overall, amazing fanfiction! I'm tempted to draw comics for this fanfic over all of them so far! XD |
![]() ![]() ![]() Interesting! |
![]() ![]() Ooh, I love your story...you're a great Felicity/Ben writer... |
![]() ![]() Why the heck do you only have two reviews? This is the most well-written story I've ever read... |
![]() ![]() OMG, I love this story...I love how you make it sound so real...I mean you're great at writing in 18th century style...although I did feel that the 'wows' were a bit out of place..Great story! |
![]() ![]() ![]() How has anyone not reviewed this story? This is pure brilliance. Not only is it well researched, but it's also hilarious and truly captures the spirit of the series. I'm only on chapter 2, but I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this! Fantastic work! |