|Reviews for The Future Begins|
| ms chapter 14 . 2/21/2012
| ADORKABLEGIR chapter 4 . 7/4/2010
lol...at the begining i read the chapter it said McGrath U.S.S Wolcott...thats my last name...it was good keep up the good work.
| Blue Crescent Moon chapter 1 . 2/3/2010
Hi, clever mary sue etc. etc. your story idea is great etc. I'm sure you have fun writing it and lots of people will have a lovely time reading it.
I'm not here to praise or stomp on your story doll, but just an FYI T'Pel is also the name of Tuvok's wife (from ST:Voyager). This is very confusing and is prolly a copyright protected or something along the lines. Not implying you're gonna get in trouble but your oc's name really threw me for a loop. /
Have fun writing and enjoy the creations you bring forth.
| girsawasquirrel chapter 14 . 1/11/2010
i loved this story. it was too cute!
and with Kirk being the overprotective
older brother. this was simply awe worthy.
lol. if you have anymore that comes after
this i would love to read them. I hope you
do a sequel, perhaps an mrated sequal? ;)
| StrLght chapter 14 . 1/8/2010
Where to start...
In regards to the multiple majors, I think you are confusing extra circulars with actual majors. I am in the middle of getting my RN. Thats nursing not even a doctorine, and I can guarntee you that I have no time for another major. With my class work, home work and practicums I have time for some fun stuff, but not for a degree in enginering.
Just take a step back and think it through. An engineer of a starship would take a good 4 years of hard studying. Same with any medical field. Throw in at least 2 full years of Xenolinguistics, where you need to know, what 50 languages, your charecter should be at least 25. Yet you expect us to believe that a teenager is head of all of three, pft. Again, stick with one thing.
I to was in multiple activities during highschool, about the same as you have listed, as well as honnor programs. Yet college is completly different, and so is military. (BTW I loved being in band and color guard some of my fondest memories, also synchranized swimming and basketball)
I'm just trying to help you see where I and probably others are coming from in pointing it out these things out.
Also, try coming up with some original lines, instead of just switching some to your Mary Sue. If I want to watch the movie I will, I came here to read a story that expands cannon, not copy it.
As for rushing into relationships, if a guy told me he loved me after knowing me a week, I'd question his sanity,dump him and be worried about him stalking me. Its just weird is all.
Self insertion happens in every story, the author is always going to throw a litle bit of them selves in there. That is not the issue, the issue was/is your charecter IS a Mary Sue. There is no way around that. Take a Mary Sue litmus test and just be honest with your self, it will help you improve in the long run.
This will probly sound much harsher then I intend so please take it as me trying to help you improve...but Get over yourself. If you want to be a good writer step back from your work and become your harshes critic. Take what others say to heart and improve, don't whine and try to explain your self away.
I wish you the best of luck in the future.
| sam chapter 14 . 1/7/2010
i loved all your stories. keep it up!
| Ravenclaw Slytherin chapter 14 . 1/7/2010
I do the same thing with putting myself in as a charater.
| ocramed chapter 5 . 1/7/2010
| patriotgirl101 chapter 14 . 1/6/2010
Totally understand. And for the record my grandparents started "dating" the day they met, so it does happen...again wonderful story and I enjoyed it immensly!
| mistressofdarkness666 chapter 14 . 1/6/2010
Dude, I totally get you! All of my characters are some what based off of me or who I'd want to be. So no biggy, I think your writing is amazing. )
| StrLght chapter 13 . 1/4/2010
I'm sturgling on how to put this reveiw. Please do not take it as a flame, as it is not, more of a opinionated sugestion.
The story was unoriginal, but thats to be expected of an insertion, yet you handled it...well. I'm trying to say that I would have liked to see the story actully change. Even adding one person should change the story. All you did was switch some of the cannon lines to your charecter.
Speaking of your charecter, she was more than a Mary Sue.
Everyone loved her. Shes everyones friend, no enemies? Even Ghandi had enimies.
She had no flaws except to seem to atract trouble.
This story was suposed to be a Chekov/oc Romance. Romance takes times, a one night stand does not.
They know eachother for what a couple of hours and all of a sudden they're dating?
There in love after what, kissing once?
Shes supposedly half Vulcan, then how does she have such control over her emotions? Maybe have her strugle with this.
Being in charge of three departments? This just screams Mary Sue. Give her one job and have her excel at it, thats much more plausible.
Build your charecter up instead of just throwing her in there. Give her some horrid flaw, maybe buck teeth, at least something that'll make her seem real. Have her develop a realtionship not just state everything.
Like I said, this was good for a novice, teenage writer. Its something I would expect in a freshman class.
Its not bad, just shallower then I think you could have made it.
| patriotgirl101 chapter 13 . 1/2/2010
Wonderful story! Enjoyed it immensly.
| Ravenclaw Slytherin chapter 13 . 12/31/2009
Loved your story!
| sam chapter 13 . 12/30/2009
this was an amazing story. write more about chekov and a girl! i hate all these slashy fan fics. ugh. great story tho and i love the ending3
| Superdani4Ever chapter 13 . 12/30/2009
Oh I LOVED it!
Happy New Year!