|Reviews for Above the Serpentine|
| The Dark Emi chapter 23 . 2/7
Such good writing is so hard to find these days...
I should you a review for each chapter, praising the way you tell this story, laying out the plot and building up the characters. But you must forgive me, I couldn't stop until it was over.
There are loads of greatness in here, but it is Desmond's state of mind that I love the most. There is something so enticing about his frayed tether to reality. Old man Altair comes second, with all his vagueness and deliberate misleadings and his calm badassness (who am I kidding, this is Altair). And if I continue to list everything I like, this will never end. So let me just say that this story exceeds my expectations, and you are a great writer. Peace and safety, my dear.
| ladyowl chapter 23 . 7/22/2013
thank you for this. I really enjoyed it. :)
| Gwachaedir chapter 23 . 7/15/2013
Amazing story. Elegant and poignant in plot with great characterization. I'd have loved to have seen the real story end like this one; the cyclical nature of the story at the end was a nice touch.
| Obelisk of Light chapter 23 . 4/28/2013
I found this story yesterday, and I can safely say that it has everything I'm looking for in an immortal ancestors fic, and then some. Altair and Ezio's rivalry is both awesome and funny, even if Altair is being a little too manipulative. I still don't know what to think of Altair/Lucy, but I find it amusing in a twisted way.
I understand why you wanted to keep Altair and Ezio's fate vague, but it would've been nice to see them with Desmond in the epilogue. He'd have more than the voices in his head for company.
| Dreamer chapter 23 . 3/9/2013
Thank you for this story. I haven't read many stories that are better than what 'canon' tells us - but this is one of them.
I'm looking forward to your other stories!
| isphira chapter 23 . 8/22/2012
I am beyond being dumbfounded at this gorgeous fic (which seems too base a word to name it). Even as I type this, I have nothing to say, I'm just stuck feeling awed and humbled.
And the last two lines... every time I remember and recite them in my head, I get goosebumps. This game, since the first, has been so epic (in the true sense of the word) and has had such an impact on me. The Creed seems truly as timeless as you have written it to be... especially reading Desmond's last words.
Insert a veritable tidal wave of praises here, you deserve it! 3
| WamprickNyx chapter 23 . 7/28/2012
I love this so much! Truly enthralling story, great characterization, such a captivating narrative! My god, I really loved this! I have so many things to comment on and not enough time to do so right now, but perhaps when I do, I'll point out every single thing I loved about this and the few little details that had me cringe (such as the Lucy/Altair romance, didn't see that coming or what Altair did to Ezio, which is simply treacherous in my opinion). Anyway, awesome job and I hope to read your other work. Maybe something like a sequel, little bits of drabbles here and there, of important events that happened during that Hundred Years era (if you haven't already, didn't have time to check)?
Thanks for sharing!
| Guest chapter 23 . 6/12/2012
This is the best story I have read in i long time. The ending was absolutely perfect. Everyone can be pleased with it. No character deaths. Only room for another perfect story
| icedragonchilde chapter 23 . 2/19/2012
Say what you will about the pros and cons of epilogues, this one at least gives a definitive sense of closure to the story, along with adding a further dimension of EPICNESS and ending the story on a note of hope and freedom (as opposed to the note of impending chaos and destruction it would have otherwise ended on.) I very much enjoyed this story!
| icedragonchilde chapter 22 . 2/19/2012
Ooh, I love the detail about "those who come after" in Desmond's letter. Very cool and cyclical. _ On the whole, I did quite like this chapter-I liked how you resolved the whole "save the world" issue, and how it came with a large price-tag; I like the arch Desmond's character has taken; I really liked the addition of Tam's character and story (and how you tied it in to Atlantis, very cool.)
In this particular chapter, I think it drags a little bit after Desmond returns to the rest of the team, and the subsequent denouement was a little jumbled/confusing to me. I wasn't entirely sure what exactly was going on with Ezio and Altair (whether they were really going to live out their normal lifespans or whether. . .something else would happen and they'd just sort of cease existing sometime soon) nor was I ever quite able to understand what exactly was going on in Tam's time, and what Nona/Decima/Morta's motivations or goals were (and what exactly they did to try to achieve those goals.) I spent the last few chapters in a bit of a haze of incomprehension on this point. This might just be me, though. (And I'd also understand if some of this confusion was intentional on your part, in keeping with the whole "you never know what is true" theme of AC.)
I'd also be interested in seeing what the state of the world actually is post-technology. Desmond's letter comes several months after the end of the world, and he says he both saved and destroyed it, and I would perhaps like to see some of what he really means when he says he "destroyed" it. We are told that tech no longer works, but we are never really shown the real implications/results of this. (This could be blown up into an entire sequel, or it could just be a few sentences summarizing what The Team has been up to the last few months, and some of the things they have seen and gone through.)
Anyway, good job!
| icedragonchilde chapter 18 . 2/17/2012
Rikkin! Nuuu! :(
| icedragonchilde chapter 17 . 2/17/2012
Once again I'd like to say how much I am enjoying your characters. I love how Desmond, Ezio, and Altair are all extremely different from one another, and I love watching Desmond's character grow and change. It is smooth and believable with no huge or abrupt breaks in character. I believe in these characters and am invested in what happens to them.
I love all the little quotes and references you throw in, too. They really add a layer of interest and depth and (while they might be possibly be considered pretentious) *I* think they make the story just that much more interesting.
Be careful of your point-of-view shifts. Since this is written in omniscient-third person, and you can hop around among all the characters' perspectives and inner thoughts, it is easy to sometimes lose control of the POV and have it slip around without you meaning it to. Make sure you clearly transition the reader when you make a POV shift, so that we always know whose perspective we are in. (And this doesn't mean line breaks or anything. It can be done any number of ways, but just be very conscious of every time you switch POVs, and make it clear and intentional.) In general you do a pretty good job with this, but occasionally the POV will slip just a bit, or become slightly unclear.
(Also one small note that might have been mentioned before: you sometimes confused "then" and "than" (which is understandable.) "Then" is used for locating events temporally ("I ran, then I fell over.") "Than" is used to compare things ("Ezio ran faster than I did."))
| icedragonchilde chapter 11 . 2/16/2012
I am enjoying this story very much so far. It is compelling and well-paced, and keeps the reader engaged. I am excited to see how the characters and plot develops. Thanks for pushing through and continuing it!
| icedragonchilde chapter 7 . 2/16/2012
I forgot to add that I also really liked how you took the time to characterize minor characters (who were doomed to die just a few paragraphs later) such as the kind guard at the fence, and the Templar lady. It really gives a sense of weight and significance to the killings (which, in this type of story, it is all too easy to become inured to) and also draws the reader into Desmond's conflicted emotions. Good job.
| icedragonchilde chapter 7 . 2/16/2012
I appreciate how you are keeping Desmond's character realistic-taking into account both his Assassin training/memory but also (importantly) remembering the fact that he himself is new to all this. His horror at having to kill others brings an added depth and reality to the story, and also creates a more rounded, interesting character. Having that aspect in Desmond also creates a nice contrast to Altair, and makes the interaction between the two more dynamic and powerful.
If I were to have a critique so far, it would be to say don't doubt yourself. I notice you have a tendency to make general, vague statements sometimes like "rather more than," "somewhat unsettled" or something to that effect. Don't feel like you have to qualify emotions or soften them by adding words like that; just let the statement stand on its own, and trust your readers to infer from the situation (and from what we already know about the characters) what you mean. The general effect of these qualifiers tends to make the author sound unsure or hesitant, rather than giving the reader a clearer image of the scene. Be bold! :)