|Reviews for My Heart Will Sing|
| Rose chapter 6 . 12/9/2012
I'm sorry if I seem pushy but if you could update your fangs and feathers that would be awesome
| Hyperpegasi chapter 5 . 8/22/2012
It seemed somewhat rushed to me (and I'm not flaming, this is constructive criticism), and the use of italics in Autor's POV was excessive. If you can get the inflection across without them, that's what you should aim for. The king giving in so easily seemed a little forced and OOC, considering his attitude as you'd set it up in earlier chapters. Work on your dialogue to make sure it flows like it would in actual conversation, and don't make things gaudy if there is a simpler solution or phrasing. You've matured a lot since you started this and it shows in your writing, so take that into account as well. Enjoy my long, Comp 1 influenced review and I hope it helps you. At the very least, know that it was terrible to read despite my distaste for first person fanfiction. Ja ne.
| Hyperpegasi chapter 4 . 10/11/2010
I noticed some typos in chapters two and three, "rapped (should be wrapped) and beaconed (shoud be beckoned, I believe,)" Buuuut, you should hurry and update BEFORE the NaNoWriMo so we dedicated readers don't have to wait as long.
| Nanenna chapter 4 . 10/1/2010
Good to see this back! I'm sorry to hear your internet was down so long, I'm glad it's back now! And not just for my reading pleasure.
So much plot moving forward! It seems weird to think of Drosselmeyer as being excited about anything, and poor Autor is always the one being dragged into everything.
| Hyperpegasi chapter 3 . 4/22/2010
... I despise you. WRITE MORE!
| AlleluiaElizabeth chapter 3 . 4/21/2010
I'm *very* pleased with this chapter. :)
A bt that is confusing me, though. She met Mytho years ago? I was confused in chapter 2 as well b/c at the end she says she told Pique and Lillie that she had met him (tho not the specifics of him) and it left me wondering "When did she do that?" A time skip btwn chapters 1 and 2 of a few years would definitely explain it. But there is no indication of a time skip until this chapter's dialogue. (Unless Ahiru is lying here, which I don't think was the intent.) You should go back to chapter two and indicate its "_ years later" at the beginning. Just for continuity's sake. :) B/c, as it stands written now, it seems like Ahiru is sneaking into practice just after having saved Mytho.
Femio was everything I was expecting/fearing. The dolphin, the gaudy jewelry, the silverfish for that extra bling! XD That is exactly what Femio would be like if he were a merman. XD Yeah, Yeah, I *bet* his father wants him out for an extended stay. Prolly as long as he can make it. XD Probably hoping his bling will attract some bandits, too. lol Sure, they'll eventually return Femio b/c they can't handle the insanity either, but it'll keep his nutcase son out of his hair for a while. XD
ROFL him fainting when Ahiru yelled that she didn't love him! XD
I'm curious as to what Lillie wants to say to him, but I agree with stopping her before she does. I would too in that situation. Tho, who knows? MAybe she was gonna ask if he wanted a hug from Squishy? XD Poor Pique and Ahiru, especially Ahiru, having to put up with that. lol (Although, sometimes Pique doesn't help, either. :P)
I totally support Lillie/Femio, btw. For the poetic irony of it all. lol
And so the setup for the main plot commences! :D Looking forward to it immensely.
| AlleluiaElizabeth chapter 2 . 4/21/2010
I love the little family dynamic you have going in this chapter. XD Pique and Lillie as her sisters works so well, as does Mr. Cat as the father. (And not a cat. ) His threats of marriage work so much better in this context. (Is it bad that my mind immediately flashed forward to the end of this story with him "threatening" marriage one last time to Ahiru only to surprisingly give his permission to marry who she wants? Or even say "Fakir" specifically? XD Gah, I feel like a sap. XD)
That bit about "Squishy" had me in stitches! XD The whole dialogue was excellent! "Auntie doesn't want a hug!" LOL That was awesome, seriously. XD It sounded like a real conversation they'd have, knowing Lillie and Pique. lol Assuming she had a jellyfish to train. lol
It did sound like you were confusing a jellyfish and an electric eel here though. Jellyfish don't actually use electricity and, so, don't cause your hair to become unmanagable. In cartoons, it works as a visual effect (and that's what I thought of after a minute), but just a heads up about it here since reading is about the mental imagery. If your readers know about jellyfish, they'll be confused for a second as to why her hair became "hopeless". (as hilarious a mental picture that is. XD)
Autor! Yay! I like him. :D Glad he's in this story. Nice call back to Ahiru's behavior with Rue in the series with the running. lol
Will this story be Pique/Autor? I know that's a somewhat popular couple. And the grandson of the siren with the crown princess would be... interesting to see you pull off. lol
Speaking of which, I am glad you made Pique the oldest. I always thought she acted like it. And she's one of my fave side characters, besides Neko-sensei.
I wonder how you are going to work in Freya and Malen and the others, if at all? Before this chapter, I thought they'd be Ahiru's sisters too. (Triton had 7 daughters, I think?) But if Pique is the eldest, I gotta think Ahiru is the youngest and you've limited it to just those three. So I am VERY curious for the coming story. :)
Also, and I know this doesn't *really* need to be said out loud, but...
Femio's coming! EVERYBODY HIDE! XD
*swims off to read next chapter*
| James Birdsong chapter 3 . 4/20/2010
I guess you did great
| Nanenna chapter 3 . 4/18/2010
I got mentioned twice! It must be because I recently changed my name... *coughNatsuko37cough*
Anyways... the plot goes on! It seems that we're getting to the good part! Ahiru being turned into a girl and finding the prince but ultimately falling for the knight. At least... I hope that's in the works because I do support the canon pairings. And one crack pairing which I hope to see by the end. *Grins quite evily*
| Kaito Lune chapter 3 . 4/18/2010
Yay! New chapter! :D It's pretty good. Three month, at least that's more time than Ariel got. You're story seems to be a mixture of the original and the Disney rendition of it. Anyway, good luck on your studies. Summer is just right around the corner at least.
| Kaito Lune chapter 2 . 4/15/2010
HPrince Femio. Oh, I wonder who would be chosen for him? (Personally, I think Lillie would be a good choice.) I really like this take on the Little Mermaid tale so far. Please update soon. :)
| Svettstrumpa chapter 2 . 1/26/2010
Ohh great story! I love it but where is Fakir? (his my favorite character, him and Ahiru)
| tsubasamemories chapter 2 . 12/29/2009
I love this it's really good I can't wait for Chapter 3 to come out I know it will be great I really wonder who will Prince Femio will interested in and if Ahiru will ever meet Mytho ever again
| Hyperpegasi chapter 2 . 12/29/2009
*highfakishsoundingvoice* No, Not Femio! Egads! *faints*
| Hyperpegasi chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Dark haired boy, huh? I like it already. )