|Reviews for Everything Changes|
| neo-chan chapter 3 . 1/2
Just wanted to say that the part about Gwen thinking Justin Timberlake's career would be over and Destiny's Child would stay together made me laugh so hard.
| Psycho Weasel chapter 11 . 12/20/2011
Well! That was sure one hell of a ride you put me through! XD
This story really caught my attention from the beginning. You wrote with such clarity and the tension you created in this story was very believable. I really liked the characters Gwen and Clair that you created. Usually, I feel rather hesitant about OC's, but these two worked fairly well with the story. :) I admire them both and also you for creating such great believable characters.
The only problem I had with this story, and this is coming from a personal view, is that I feel like Matt and Tai's relationship went too fast. It started off great, where Matt was unsure about whether to tell him or not, to when Tai was ok with Matt being gay, and finally when Tai finds out that Matt actually really liked him. I think that was all brilliant. The problem I had afterwards was towards the end of chapter seven, where Tai gets that he does love Matt, and then the next chapter they have sex. I think it might have been more interesting had his personal battle gone on for a little longer, maybe a day or two.
However, I did appreciate the small conflicts you threw in there with Tai and Matt, where Matt wanted to be public and Tai didn't quite yet. That was a good twist...but then it went back to them immediately being all hunky-dory and lovey-dovey again.
That was the only part of this story that sort of made it iffy to me, but that doesn't change the fact of how well written this was. It had such strong characters, I mean, I can't believe how empathetic I was feeling to all of them. I routed Gwen on when she hoped that Sora would return her feelings, I cheered when Clair got proposed to, and I even felt disgusted and horrified when Bryan raped Veronica. You have such a great writing style and I really enjoyed this story. I will most definitely have to go and read your sequel now! :) Great, great job!
| PinkCandy-x chapter 11 . 7/24/2011
This story really gripped me, and I HAD to read the whole thing today once I read the first chapter! I LOVED the fact you actually included hardships within the story (such as Matt getting beaten up) because that's real life, and so many people (including me) only have soppy views of life. :) I liked the fact it was so romantic, although I felt the relationship with Izzy and Clair went too fast, but hey, that's just my viewpoint. Either way, it was refreshing to read a story like this which is, in my opinion, so different to others and I can't wait to read the sequel! xx
| Suki Uchiha Lamprouge chapter 11 . 12/29/2010
amazing story i love it very much yama and tai make a cute couple
| Stand bi me chapter 11 . 12/27/2010
ok, so i've read the whole. that means it was good enough to keep me going. also, it was good enough to make me want to go and read the sequal too :D
your plot? brilliant. just, wow... alot was un expected, and that is key to a good story. it was complex, and had to have taken a lot of skill.
my only critism, and i say this with empathy as i am no good at it either, it that yor dialogue seems un-natural, and doesnt flow realistically... no one talks like that.
(but this was posted a long while ago. im sure you are way better now)
oh, and try to keep the sex scenes mysterious and enticingly erotic rather than straight out what it is.. if u get what i mean... :s
oh oh oh! and their college life is soo relatable! haha you described the "collegy" scenes with dorms and classes and dining hall so so well ;-)
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 7 . 12/26/2010
AWWWW MORE CUTENESS! D
Ok, so I'm not gonna comment on any technical stuff; we both know it by this point. This is a brilliantly made story through and through. The fact that you cover so many issues, using so many different characters, without leaving any of them out, clearly shows how powerful you can be as a writer. )
Phew...now we've reached somewhere happy I'm gonna take a break for the night. XD
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 6 . 12/26/2010
Ah-haaa, a worthy continuation of the previous scene; which, in basic terms, means it was AW-SHUM! D
Aheeem...over the last couple of chapters the emotional intensity has increased tenfold; but this is a great thing. Not only does it show a certain versatility in terms of the story content, but it shows a certain versatility in in terms of your ability as a writer. Creating such emotion is terribly difficult to do; you handled it like an expert. )
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 5 . 12/26/2010
Oooof, rough chapter. Those poor guys just can't catch a break, can they? /
Aheeeeeeeeeeeeem...as usual, this was utterly absorbing. It's taking a lot of willpower for me to write this review instead of moving onward haha. It was well written, as expected; it was also cleverly thought out - as is the plot for the whole fic. At this point in the story, the reader is at your mercy. Sheer class. )
Anyways, great stuff...
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 4 . 12/26/2010
HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS REALLY CUTE! D
Ahem...ok, so there's another thing that's popped into my head. Your writing style creates a story which is mercilessly accessible; which means that, unfortunatly for the reader, people would struggle to pull themselves away from what you've done here. It's just so easy to read, and the content is just so smooth, and everything about it makes you wanna go 'aaaaaaaaah...' )
...ok, so maybe I'm tired. Still, I loved this chapter; as I have loved all of the previous ones. Moving along... )
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 3 . 12/26/2010
After eating much rainbow sherbert, I'm back with a vengeance. D
Aheeeeem...so yeah, this was another awesome addition to the story. It went really well; it wasn't rushed, or unrealistic, and the intervention where you showed us Gwen and Sora watching them added for some much needed humour. It was a brilliant structural device as it reduced the tension for us. That's a great skill; it means that you don't have to be thin on the realism to make things funny, you can do both. )
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 2 . 12/26/2010
Haha, it's great reading through this again; getting lots of memories coming back. )
Ahem...alrighty, so the main thing that I felt stuck out as a strength in this chapter was the relationship between Matt and Tai; and the relationship between Tai and Izzy. Something about their conversations in particular to everyone else's, no matter how small or large, were very cleverly constructed. It's natural, it's funny and it's very interesting to read. The character development is already starting to shine through. D
Also, there were genuine moments where I giggled out loud - and, once again, I'm going to make this clear that I've read this once before. I remember laughing then, too. My point is that if you can make someone laugh twice with the same thing, then you know you're onto gold. )
| MrGooseyMoose chapter 1 . 12/26/2010
Well, it's been...I'm not sure how long haha; must've been in the summer when I read this, and the sequal, in one go. At the time I didn't have an account, though, and when I got one I never came back to review. A few months too late, and here I am - fully determined to rack you up some more reviews. D
Ahem...alrighty, so above all I feel that your strength lies in your imagination, and your ability to meld plot so effectively. This is clear from the first paragraph. You've set yourself up to pull off something brilliant; the plot is original, and captivating. )
| ChibiLee chapter 11 . 11/16/2010
aw that is so sweet thou dont like bryan or victora damn brats
| YaoiLover12460 chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
i've read most of this story and it has explained something to me that i've been wondering for a while: i'm bicurious! i didn't know whether to say that i'm gay or bi and i just want to thank you for helping me realize that i'm bicurious. i love how it's not a label, it's just a thought.
also, this story is freakin' excellent!
| Scorchin chapter 11 . 7/19/2010
Well, after banging my head through nine chapters, I finally got myself to stop reading and just review. I really don't know why I kept reading for so long, but I did by some strange compulsion, and just to make sure that what I'm about to say still applies, I also checked out the most recently updated chapter of Even Changes Can Change (11 I believe) and chapter 11 of Everything Changes.
To put it simply, the way the story flows is unnatural. The wording just seems kind of fake, like it's forced or something. The sentences don't usually mesh together smoothly and I can't imagine a real person using half of the phrasing the characters use for dialogue. The end result of reading the stiff wording was a very bored reader with a "why the heck am I still reading this" look plastered on her face.
The best suggestion I have for improving the flow of the story is to read it aloud to yourself. Remember that a story is just that- a story. It's the same thing you'd tell your friends or parents when you're talking about how your day went, you're just using made up events and people. If the words on the page don't flow like words off of your tongue, they probably aren't very interesting to read. When you say something aloud, it's easier to see how everything fits together and it can help cut out choppy portions of texts and catch weird phrasing. I used to have the same problem with boring, choppy writing, and to be honest, I still do, but it's getting better. I can at least stomach my own writing, though it still bores me to death.
There were a few grammatical errors too, but those are easily fixable with a good beta, or any kind of grammar-fiend really. Other than that the only major awkward sections were based on characterization because the boys seemed pretty OOC a lot of the time. I can't really imagine the Yamato Ishida I grew up watching on TV, the ice-cold loner who liked to pick fights with Tai and would actually try and beat the crap out him, not to mention the fact that he's a Digidestined who squared of with the Dark Masters etc. (your story could be AU if you want to exclude the whole digimon thing, but the boy's attitude is still his), wussing out just because a few guys didn't like the fact that he was gay. I'm pretty sure he'd at least -try- to defend himself, even if he failed. So yeah. It just didn't really seem like him and Tai had a lot of those moments too where it just didn't seem to fit with the personality he's been shown to have.
And this is a little nit-picky, but "Izzy's" name isn't Izzy Izumi, so it's kind of weird to use it in a formal setting like with the whole proposal thing. Izzy is a nickname based on his last name, but I'd still hope that someone would remember that the guy getting married is really named Koushiro. I don't think the name Koushiro ever appeared in the fic actually...
And my last point is really random, and to be honest, it has no real purpose towards helping your writing, but I really just have to say it as a girl who used to be in love with her Easy Bake Oven. It's physically impossible to make a cupcake with an Easy Bake. The to make a cupcake just won't fit. You can however, make mini double-layered cakes which are really cool, or a single-layered cake, which really looks nothing like a cupcake. ... I -did- say that this would have no real relevance.
Now,I'm not saying you should scrap your writing style etc., get rid of your OC(s) or anything of the sort. Nor am I saying that I am perfect and have all of the answers. Just look at my review, it's probably riddled with mistakes. I'm just offering some criticism. Whether you take it or not is your choice.