|Reviews for Swastika|
| JustAReviewer chapter 1 . 6/3/2014
Uhm...I'm not one to leave mean or critical reviews or anything, but I feel like there's a bit to say in this first chapter. Though I don't think that you'll read this since this was updated a while ago, I feel the need to write my piece nonetheless.
Firstly, some grammatical errors. It happens to everyone, don't worry. Just be sure to proof-read. It may seem boring, but autocorrect is your best friend here and it doesn't take that long, trust me.
Also, I picked up on the whole overuse of the adjective "modern" here and there.
There's a little trick called 'show-not-tell,' which is super nifty when writing any creative fiction. You don't need to reitterate the fact that Gilbo's house is super-uber-mega posh and modern and amazing and oh-so perfect that anyone with a brain would want to live there.
The majority of the readers are going to pick up on the fact that his house is nice and spacious based on what he does, the general surroundings etc. etc.
For example, instead of over-using adjectives in the phrase "modernized, wider-than-average shower stall," try belaying the fact that the shower is new and chic by describing how Elizaveta ineracts with it.
Like: "She took a few moments to stare at the temperature dial/buttons/switch, marvelling at the advances in today's technology before finally ifiguring out how to turn the shower on. The water was warm, warmer than she would've expected given the glacial weather outside, and she practically melted across the smooth tiles underfoot..." and so on.
Secondly, I'd like to address the issue of assault in this chapter too. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously - it's been a long day - but you do realise that what Gilbert does by cornering and touching Elizaveta without her consent is considered sexual assault? I'm not going to use the "R" word here, but his actions are dangerously close to that. And Liz's reaction! If you had just been assaulted by someone you considered a close and trustworthy friend when you were vulnerable, would you be so calm about it!? Calm enough to stay the night!?
Yeaaaahh, no. No. Definitely. Not.
Not only is this poor characterization, but also poor social depiction.
I haven't read any more than this first chapter and, frankly, I don't think that I want to. This isn't really the kind of story that I thought it would be.
| RawrFox chapter 4 . 7/5/2013
Asshole badass Gillbert is perfect.
This fic is perfect.
| Mossy8 chapter 4 . 9/4/2012
i seriously HATE prussia now...
| UberOtaku chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
I...F***ing...LOVE THIS O_O I F***ing LOVE YOU FOR WRITING THIS! YOU MY FRIEND...are an amazing writer! Do you know how hard it is to find GOOD angst, tragedy, or hurt/comfort stories of your favorite pairings like this?! _ its so bloody hard DX thank you for writing this! you have made my day!
if you can maybe continue this? i would love you forever if you did that!
| NekoNinja-chan chapter 4 . 5/27/2012
Holy %#*(! $!#... That was... (gulps) intense. I couldn't stop reading. I just couldn't! At first I didn't get the title but THEN! It all made sense! IT ALL MAKES FUCKING SENSE!
sorry... you just kind of blew my mind. ehehe... _'
but seriously, so epicaly amazing.
Prussia was a Physo! I don't normally see him like that. (Selfcentered... yes, but THAT physo?)
Ok, I really liked this. (If you haven't been able to tell by now.) Keep this up. *Maybe even an epilog?* I don't know. Either way, you've just earned yourself a fan! :)
| Lothlorien93 chapter 3 . 3/17/2012
Well, it's a really amusing and thrilling story - although I can't understand every single word, 'cause I'm Hungarian, but it's still enjoyable. :)
On the other hand, I've found a few mistakes. First of all, we don't use "szarik" as a swear. We use expressions like "A francba!" and "Basszus!" in general (and lots of others, but I always try to maintain the mask of being a lady :D).
The second thing, that ALL the nouns are begin with capital letters in German (Frau, Fraulein, Liebe, Tag, Soldat etc.). And the "understood" is "verstanden", and not "verTstanden".
I enjoyed your story very much, I hope the last chapter is as good as the others!
Greetings from Hungary: Loth
| Elda chapter 4 . 12/25/2011
If I said that I loved it and I was hanging by every word, I was captivated and I couldn't stop readin wegkwfhbkqfwh
Kesesesese! Prussia here! Actually this story might be almost as awesome as the AWESOMEST ME! Prussia Aproves! hblkrqip
Okay! Now that Hungary helped me get him of the keyboard, she hit him on the head with her frying pan warning him not to EVER try ANYHING like this OR ELSE! I think it's time to finish my sentence... Would you make an epilogue or even better a sequel? Peeease!
| Dei-Dreamer chapter 4 . 11/29/2011
Hm. It's a tough story to review. At first I thought "Ok, so Prussia has to console Hungary after she lost Austria." but with the shower scene and his blatant ignorance to her feelings I began to think "There's something wrong here." Interesting that you would use the swastika. I had forgotten the name of the story up until then, and it all really clicked. I enjoy a good demented Prussia story. No mercy and he did everything within his power to get what he wanted. I particularly enjoyed the death of Austria because it really brought out the crazy yet in a surprisingly cool way to me. I felt uncomfortable reading about rape. You tried for a little bit to get Hungary to see the good and hotness in Prussia but at the same time you had her so in love with Austria that there was no plausible way that she would fall for him. The ending was a bit confusing. Did she wind up submitting? She gave up trying to resist him? I enjoyed the story, but it could have been a little bit longer with more detail. It's a feat to write as much as you did though, don't get me wrong. I always try to write but it never works out the way I wanted to. Keep working on your writing, get more things written, and eventually you'll be getting more reviews and praise for your work.
| Cynthia888 chapter 4 . 9/25/2011
oh that was cruel, but it was good to read Nazi!Prussia :D
| Cynthia888 chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
Ohhhh it was so kinky and hot *heart* even though they didn't do much thing
| The same thts bellow chapter 4 . 8/25/2011
Oh my God, this is the best thing I have ever read on this site! Can you write epilogue please? Puppy eyes please?
| KinkyGrammar chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
| GothicYandere95 chapter 4 . 8/23/2011
I love Nazi!Prussia fanfics!
The story was really well writen and ugh I just love it :3
| TamoraSky chapter 3 . 8/22/2011
OMG that was awesome! usually I'm the type for cute lovey-dovey things but that was insane. I love how you make Prussia seem like an innocent guy at the beginning and then in the end it's like all yeah I'm gonna rape the shit out of you. at the beginning I was expecting the ending was gonna be like 'lizzie i love you' 'i love you too gilbert' but now I'm OMG insanely awesome/creepy ending. awesome job!
| Luna144 chapter 3 . 7/19/2011
...I hate you...WHY DID AUSTRIA HAVE TO DIE?...fuck you...to the deepest levels of hell...where you will be forced to watch re-runs of the tellie tubbies and barney for all eternity! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
now that my (ugh)praise(bleck) was given...i have nothing else to say that i haven't already said.