Reviews for Present less Christmas
ChrisCLX898 chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
This is a somewhat funny Christmas story. Pretty long comedy. I get what you mean by something more original than a parody. Parodies are like watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. It's funny. but too much spoofing. I didn't see any OOC. Some grammar mistakes, and besides that everything looks great. Goodluck in the contest.


P.S:: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
DianaGohan chapter 1 . 12/25/2009
Who stole Christmas? Find out in this mini Christmas parody.

(SCENE: The smashers awake to find out all they're Christmas presents have been taken).

IKE: Again? How many times is Chris going to mlik this idea?

MASTER HAND: Hey this time it can't be Dedede. He, Bowser, Wolf, Ganondorf, Lucario, Snake, Wario, Mewtwo, and Meta-Knight, aka the characters considered too serious/moody/evil/jerky to celebrate Christmas aren't here. {IMPORTANT PLOT POINT ONE!}

MARTH: Yeah and since the legendary/sub legendary Pokemon aren't here, no one can read anyone's mind on whose the thief due to Ness and Lucas still being too young {IMPORTANT PLOT POINT TWO!}

CRAZY HAND: I sing Christmas songs that aren't Christmas songs. {NOT AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT, BUT FUNNY ALL THE SAME}

LINK: Well technically "A Nightmare Before Christmas" is still a Christmas movie. Maybe if he sang "What's This" it'd count.

MASTER HAND: Crazy Hand sings worse then Fall Out Boy. Besides there's still the matter of who took Christmas.

FALCO: Let me guess: The Grinch, Monty Burns and Barbera Stresiand are behind this.

MASTER HAND: No those are the thieves of arbor day.

FALCO: How the hell was I suppose to know that?

MASTER HAND: (Gasps) That's a swear. Wasn't one of the rules of the contest that the stories weren't so to contian cursing?

FALCO: We don't give a *amn about that rule. So someone find these gifts already.

MYSTERIOUS COAT MAN: I'll do it. (Figure walks down the stairs) If you can guess who I am-

MASTER HAND: Yoink (takes off Coat to reveal its' Popo).

POPO: Yes it is I, Popo, Master Detective.

MARTH: Please you're not even at Detective Conan level. And by Conan, I mean Conan the Barberian.

NANA: Well he has been reading Giant Boy Detecitve Novels.

POPO: That's right, so I Sherlock Popo Holmes will solve this case. Just like my idol Sherlock Holmes, whose newest I'm sure to be awesome movie we should be watching now. Seriously how can you go wrong with Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law? I mean what would you rather see, that crap know as Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakqual. All that film needs is a hula hoop... to be taken to all copies of the print several times-

MASTER HAND: Would you just solve the mystery.

POPO: I'm bulding up dramatic suspense. (Blows bubbles) One of the first rules of being a detecitve.

PIKACHU: The first rule is expect the unexpected and never rule out any possibility.

POPO: Well it's the fifth rule then. And just to let you know you're all suspects. Everyone from ShadyMcCloud, to IronNipples, to even Briefsboy.

SONIC: Dosen't Dick Tracey give his enemies weird nicknames, not Sherlock Holmes?

POPO: Be that as it may, anyone could be behind this caper. Everyone except me.

NANA: Isn't incriminating everyone BUT yourself making you the prime suspect?

POPO: I think I know what I'm doing. Which is why the first thing I'm giong to do is build up drama, then get a chair. Then I'll list off the suspects while creating even more drama-

JIGGLYPUFF: What is this, Total Drama Mystery?

POPO: Well we are going to play Truth or hammer/embarassement, so maybe. (Looks at paper) Okay here are the 8 principal suspects. Olimar, because he's a loner, Captain Falcon because he's a weirdo, Sonic because he's Sega, DK because he wanted to have fun which is a reason anyone could of had really, Pit because an angel at Christmastime who ISN'T trying to get his wings is suspicous, Fox since he's fun to anger, R.O.B since he needed love at least according to that other story in the contest, and Master Hand himself since he's the boss.

MARTH: That's the most ridicoulous logic I've ever heard of.

POPO: Uh we've all been to Deviantart man: we've seen worse (they shudder at the Deviantart mention which Chris wanted to have me do an arc of) Okay first things first. Time to interrogate Olimar, who wanted to take the presents to give to his kids on his home world of the smurfs.

OLIMAR: That sounds like the sequal to Avatar, but no! Besides no one here has any good children gifts.

POPO: You could try returning them.

OLIMAR: Right after Chrismtas? Are you mad?

POPO: Yes, but I see your point. (Next up on the chair is Captain Falcon) Aka Douglas Jay.

CAPTAIN FALCON: (Groans) I'd rather you call me Iron Nipples. Seirously I would? How sad is that?

POPO: Sad enough to steal Christmas you man child? Seriously only kids yell out the names of theyr'e attacks.

CAPTAIN FALCON: Or people in RPGs. We should all know this considering how much Chris has us do it in the main story.

POPO: Good enough. Next suspect. (Sonic sits down) Sonic you're the only one with the speed to steal all the gifts so it must of been you. And you stole them to get the most dreaded yet always needed Christmas gift: Clothing!

SONIC: Hey if I wantd clothing I'd chase around a zoot suit into a cave and fall into an alternate dimension where I parodied being a detecitve. {THAT IS A PLOT TO A SONIC COMIC, I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP}

POPO: Alright suspect number four. (DK sits on the floor) DK we all know you'd kill for bananas, in works that emphazize you're love of potassum based fruit to the level of going psychotic, so you must of tried stealing all the gifts to get Diddy's bananas.

DIDDY: Hey he'd be able to smell the food and would just eat it right away. No need to hold him for questioning.

POPO: No but let me hold the suspense for a few more pages. (They do so) Okay next suspect (Pit sits down) Okay BriefsBoy you have a clean record, but can anyone vouche for you and make you admit to doing increidbley kind deeds?

MARIO: I can.

PIT: Which makes me admitt I give gifts to everyone. Though I thought that's what everyone was suppose to do like in that last story.

POPO: This is different, since this has an ending. (Fox then sits down) Okay Fox you're shady and you're porbably ticked off I crashed your Arwing-

FOX: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! (The swordsman restrain Fox).

POPO: Man there's so many jokes I can make with that line that I won't. Oka your'e too cuckoo for coca puffs to do it, so next R.O.B. (ROB stands next to the seat) ROB we all know you have a lot of secrets, like you're origin we are even hinting at here.

ROB: Hey if I was behind this I'd take dozens upon dozens of chapters, rambaling about my reasons to myself before actually taking any action.

POPO: Yeah you would. Also you seem to be leaking. (R.O.B leaks oil and blows up). Now that's what I call Super Samurai Jacktion. So onto the last suspect. (Master Hand "sits' on the seat) Did you take the gifts?

MASTER HAND: No. If I wanted to take them, I would of used my powers to transport them far away and erase all your memories of what Christmas is until next year.

POPO: Yeah you so would do that, and also not realize someone tampred with your security monitors.

MASTER HAND: (Spots this) Why do we even have these anyway if they just break when we actually need them? (Lucario comes in).

LUCARIO: I'm just here to get my gift for my master whose name I can't say due to the rule about no OCs here. Instead I'll just use my mind reading powers to see who did it. (Finds Popo did it).

POPO: Yeah I'm the culprit. I just wanted a test of my awesome detective skills.

NANA: Wow Popo that's awesome.

FOX: Yeah hearing that suddenly makes me not psychotic.

MALE SMASHERS: You rock Popo!

FEMALE SMASHERS AND MARTH: Make love to us Popo! (And so it ends with everyone admitting Popo's awesomness, or would of if that ending wasn't too cheesy). {THAT KIND OF ENDING ISN'T CHEESY. THAT'S BADLY WRITTEN EGO BOOSTING, WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO WITH THEIR OCs IN FANFICS!} (Oh yeah that. Everyone ends up just chasing Popo around).

PEACH: Except the people considred too nice to do such things. Or some of the people considered too nice anyway.

LUCARIO: Well I'm off. Sniff you morons later. (Leaves with his trainer's gift)

MASTER HAND: Man I just wanted to have a nice christmas without people resorting to violence.

MARIO: That's not what you wanted last year-

MASTER HAND: Shut up about that! (And so the story ends with Popo being put in the Ultimate Chimera's cage for Christmas).

POPO: You know I admit what I did was stupid, but how come the same thing didn't happen to Jigglypuff, when she did something AS ridicolous in an actual CANON story?

NESS: I don't know. I'm just here to make sure you aren't killed but still get horribly mauled. (Popo does so) The holiday do go better with red.

POPO: Oh cause I'm bleeding everywhe I'd get it. If I wasn't being torned to pieces right now I'd laugh at that.


It's kind of weird actually: looking at some of the other entries, most of the people who went for pure comedy instead of trying to teach a more serious lesson wound up with shorter stories. You're the only one who went with a really long comedy story. Hell this chapter is longer then mine was actually. Unllike the last comedy story though the bousts of OOC bloodthirsty before felt more validated, and I do admit I got a lot of good laughs out of this one: from the mentions of Deviantart, Crazy Hand singing non Christmas songs, Popo mimmiking Sherlock Holmes and his build up of drama, and most of all Fox's outburst of anger. Truthfully though this didn't really seem to do too much with Christmas besides you know people's gifts being taken and a couple of other more specific mentions. Also truthfully I didn't see the suspect coming till the last minute so good job with that. There were some mistakes (the grammar needed it's usual fine tuning, the explanation of the false ending could of been handled better, the ending was fairly cliche, and like I mentioned you swore which I believe is a no no for thsi contest) but it's still a fairly good Christmas story. Does it deserve to win? That's not up to me but it should fit well with all those in the running.