Reviews for Pick Your Poison
SnowyHedwig chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Loved this - hot and funny, yet showing the realistic side of marriage as well. Great job!
goldenmeadow chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Okay, I fully intend to pick over the bones of this contest like T-day, tryptophan laden turkey tug, deep fat fried, of course. But...Pick Your Poison sings WIN right off the whipped cream to me!

Sophie and daddy and Yo Gabba Gabba and honking like full-feathered goose (BTW, those fuckers are MEAN) hit my gut and punched my heart.

Whole Foods...Hippy Mecca and wallet suckage! But, for my life...their Samosas and Chipotle chowder alone have me coming back for more. Jesus sandels on the right feet get my rocks off too.

Fuckhot Daddy...I seen you around. You're a vision with the Strawberry Shortcake backpack over your muscled biceps, delivering your child to school. Thank you for the manly eye candy every second day of the week.

I'd had more painful, gasping-for-breath laughter with those three harpies than I ever had with any male friend. I couldn't imagine a day without talking to at least one of them. After years of hounding after anything with tits, I had finally learned how to be friends, really close friends, with a woman. Three of them. All completely hot too. I still have eyes, for Chrissakes.

That's when the vag stopped growing and became permanent. They were my best friends.

Uh, yeah. Awesome!

Hi. Hot:

He was in the middle of pulling off his sweatshirt to reveal an equally obscure T-shirt underneath, but not before I glimpsed a slice of heaven while the shirt momentarily stuck via static cling to his upper body. His dusky skin pulled taut over his well-muscled arms and torso as he flexed his abs. Jesus, who made pulling off a shirt a weight lifting event? And those legs. A tremor curled through my belly. His strong calves were hard as rocks. Just standing there ogling his legs caused my toes to twitch. Yes, they remembered just this morning. Remembered it well.

Okay, who the HELL wrote this...does your DAD wantto brew his own freakish hippy healthy tea and do yoga while I lift weights and run? FML:

I couldn't stand the New Age Phillip Glass-ish synthesizer shit he'd been composing this fall. It started about the same time as the vegan diet and the yoga. Why couldn't Edward have dealt with turning thirty-five like most men and start to go strip clubs and ogle high school girls at the neighborhood pool? Where was my carnivorous, piano-playing, hard-loving Edward? This macrobiotic shake swilling, emotionally distant, semi-mystical piano guru was hardly recognizable as the man I married.

Holy fucking NOEL! Hiya, christ...I wanna do Bella...of only I had a Yule Log in me chonies!:

"Edward, now. It's Elvis...now." I stretched my leg over his lap, all merlot and squid ink black, with tender, sweet scallops of white flesh puffing from the weave of my fishnets. My knee nudged at his ever-rising Bouche de Noel. I was so ready for that decadent yule log to slide between my marzipan thighs. I had the caramel drizzle all ready. Fuck the lonely abstinence of wheatgrass and soy cheese and little electronic beeps from behind those pocket doors.

Damson!

What?

TUPELO!

Nina Fucking Samone.

Go on, have sex with me ;).

I'm A little teapot long strong and thick...my streams are creamy and my dick's like a stick shift...

Cain't even tell you how much I want to massage Esme's weary lovely sexy, I-Know-Who-I-Am shoulders. And maybe make her forget the puffs...

Don't you go there, Emmbeefmarinatingmett...bfing momma;s round the world still have sexy racks:

Kate had really nice tits two years ago.

I'm smoking with Rose right bout now-ish. Hey, Em, not blaming you...yet.

Pure awesome, this:

Damn, Bella is lookin' edible tonight. Was she getting spa treatments from a competitor? I hadn't seen her name on our esthetician's appointment list. Edward, the proverbial hot mess, even worse than usual. Mind above his surroundings, sensitive artist, blah, blah. My girl would coldcock me if I went out looking like that.

Fucking heartbreaker:

My sweet, sad girl loved stories about children.

So did I, especially at Christmas, when I missed our babies most.

Carlisle POV...So YES! Bless and bliss!

Oh goodness, because it is a love story my romantic's heart is swaying and I love you:

Frankly, I couldn't get my wife inside my house fast enough. Not only was she delightful to watch as she commanded the attention of every man in the room, she made it quite clear she still had eyes only for me. I'd watched Esme work a room before, her natural humor and the bit of a bawd, just under the surface of the well-heeled suburban lady, had been turning heads for years.

And she was indeed still mine.

And you brought it all home:

"Ssh. Just relax and let Mama take care of you." I lifted the hem of my dress just atop my thighs so I could swing myself over his lap and settle in. I moved slowly so both of us could enjoy the anticipation. When my curves came in contact with the fly of his Armani trousers, he moaned. Instinct took over when Em brought his hands up, lifting and palming my ass with strong sure massages, sifting and rubbing us together, his fingers plucking at the jeweled tab sewn to the back of my g-string.

MY MAN! I love love love love love that...forever.

So I'll end with that.

Merry fuckin' Chrimbo to you! WOW. Epic, funny, seething, EVERYONE, trials, taunting, trifling, torrid from torpid.

Honestly...this bitch is everything.

Rie
latuacantante4him chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I love Emmet! Enjoyed it.