|Reviews for The Long Way Home|
| AccioBourbon chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
I already gushed all over a chat box about how excited and proud I am of you that you’re posting this, as if I really was your doting aunt. I won’t do it here too, but ... I REALLY AM! :-) (Excited and proud, that is.)
In fanfic especially, I think prologues tend to get overlooked and readers misunderstand them or don’t really give them much thought. When I read this, I tried to glean as much from it as I could - to use it as a way to frame what was going to come later. Already we see Rose as a strong little girl with an instinct to protect and defend (h.m.m. to mother, perhaps?) and Edward as a sensitive boy who lives in his head and in his books, whose feelings are close to the surface.
I love the use of third person and you do it so well here. It really flows nicely and has that “storytelling” tone to it, but it’s not at all obtrusive (not easy to do, imo.) The fact that it’s limited to Edward, however, helps us see Rosalie a bit more clearly than if you did this from her POV. You clever thing, J. :-)
And then, of course, there are the words. Lots of lovely words.
“He watched in fascination as the girl’s nostrils flared and her eyes grew large.” I bet not many kids have the nerve to say things like that to the towering Rosalie, so her reaction is wonderful and I can just picture it from this description. “... a monster he had read about” is a nice touch.
Love the little details like cooties, and Spiderman tee-shirts, and Care Bears lunch boxes.
“He thought it was better to just agree with her. She seemed to know what she was talking about.” This is one of those sentences where I think we learn something about the Rose we’ll come to know in the upcoming story.
“That means that I’ll always be there for you when you need me ...” A very canon-Rosalie thing for her to say. Well-done, sweet thing. :-)
“My mom told me that real friends are forever.” This one makes my heart ache, because I know what’s coming and how it affects her.
“... hair on fire...” My husband, who now has brownish hair, somewhat auburn, had bright red hair as a little boy and he was teased mercilessly about it. It’s probably one of his strongest memories. I like how Rosalie can comment about it again, at the end of the day, but not be hurtful.
“He contemplated his first day of kindergarten, how he had started with no friends and ended up with one real friend, which seemed to him the best kind of all.” This reminds me of that last line of Stephen King’s “The Body,” (one of my favorite coming-of-age stories about kids) about how you never forget the kind of friends you had when you were 13.
“One real friend was probably worth ten regular ones.” At least ten, Edward.
I’m looking forward to Monday, and lots of Mondays after that!
I still aspire to "succinct," after all these years. I should just give it up.
| outtayourface chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I just wanted to say that I really liked this chapter and I am really looking forward to continuing it. It's nice to see an Edward and rosalie fic where they don't hate eachothers guts. Thanks so much and keep up the great work!
| LaViePastiche chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
aw, little edward and rosalie!
this was a cute glance into their childhood... only kind of makes the first part of this story (the indies part) that much sadder...
very intrigued to see where you go with this one!
| SubtlePen chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
so glad i read the OS, and am thrilled to be along for the ride. your writing is beautiful, natural and easy, and i look forward to watching their story evolve.
| amorningsong chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I squee-ed prety hard when this alert popped up in my email. The Corner of Your Heart is my absolute favourite oneshot, and I'm completely thrilled you're expanding it. I love Rosalie- I think she's fierce and passionate, and way more multifaceted than Bella. No one gives her enough credit.
I love this first chapter. Little boy Edward is so adorably pouty. I also really like the way you've written this. The tone is really fitting for the age they're at; even though it's not a single focused POV you've given it a child-like approach. It's a marked difference from The Corner of Your Heart, and appropriately so, since they're so much older in that story. I don't know if I'm describing this properly...
Either way, I loved it and I cannot stress how excited I am to read more.
| beignet chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Not only is hmonster4 your beta extraordinaire but she is also pimping you on Twitter. Glad I follow her. This story has started out beautifully & I look forward to more. I love that Rosalie while bitchy at 5, is still fiercely loyal & protective over her friends.
| VerucaSalts chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
heyy. I'm thrilled that u've posted! This Chap was so sweet, this story is gonna be so awesome, im so excited!
| profmom72 chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Oh this was just adorable. I like the way this is going backward to develop their friendship. You've managed to capture kid speak very realistically without being corny. There's such a nice poignancy in Rosalie's definition of friendship. Great start!
| MySlashyFriend chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Eh, I'm logged into the wrong account but too lazy to change. I'm so freaking happy this has begun! Ngl, I was a little disappointed that this chapter was only a brief glimpse into their lives, but I guess it leaves me wanting more, so I can't complain. So excited about this fic. Sorry in advance if I get groany about mah Rose; for some reason, she brings out the maternal side in me
Monday shall be my favourite!
| cheddah chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Oh! H rec'd this to me & I'm so glad she did! Can't wait to read
more! Hehe...cooties. & LOL the Care Bears lunch box! :)
| naelany chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
That was too cute. Am looking forward to reading more!
| LightStarDusting chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I love Muppet Babies Edward and Rosalie.
Loved this during TT25 and I continue to love it. And you. But anyway - let me review (again?).
What I love about your writing is that you are so clear with your words, the reader can actually see this scene playing out in their head. It's short - 10 words at most and it just captures the start of their friendship and their personalities.
You know how I LOVE Rosalie now (thanks once again for that) and I especially love YOUR Rosalie. I can't wait for next Monday because even though I've been blessed to pre-read, I know that everyone else will be loving the story you've mapped out for your characters just as much as I do.
| hmonster4 chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Yay! 12/28 is going to be as auspicious for you as it was for me! I am so damn excited for this! Biting my tongue and bouncing in my seat :)
| daisy3853 chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
you did it! I'm so excited and so ducking proud of you!
this was absolutely adorable. I want to be real friends with the girl with the liquid gold hair and the boy whose head is on fire.
your discriptions are stunning and your writing is gorgeous. I love it.
can't wait for more! Mondays are now very happy days. :)
thank you for writing. 3 3 3
| overzealousbunny chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
: : : DANCES ROUND UNASHAMEDLY HAPPY THAT YOU FINALLY POSTED : : :
And because I sped read through and LOVED it so .. let us rewind and read again.. with delcious notation.. well i'm hoping that's what it'll look like because its basically me fawning all over the place. I'll try not to drool on your keyboard through the monitor :D
She sniffed and said, “Your head looks like it’s on fire.”
His hand flew to his hair and he flattened his palms over it, trying hard to hide it from her
- awe and it was a love hate relationship right from the start.. Love that imagery of his hair being akin to fire. Perfect!
“Edward, Rosalie, please use your inside voices,” Mrs. Cross called from the swings.
“But we’re outside,” Rosalie responded loudly, hands on hips.
- being an ex midget wrangler I could hear my OWN voice telling those two about inside voices. Loved Rosalie's comeback lol
Rosalie, Care Bears lunch box in hand
- I've already told you how much I adore Rose (see your o/s) but for the mere fact you gave her a Care Bears lunchbox? I may just well love her forever
oh and you too, but that should be obvious by now :D
“That means that I’ll always be there for you when you need me,” she told him. “Like if you’re sad or someone’s beating you up or something. My mom told me that real friends are forever.” She looked at him closely. “You can be my real friend if you want.”
- i love the distinction between friend and REAL friend. Its something we distinguish a little differently when we're older (aquaintence, friend of a friend, best friend, close friend) but really, when your kids thats all you need to know. Do you like me? if so i'm behind you a million percent. I love that Rose's mom already taught her this.
his hands firmly woven through his hair
- teehee her words really had gotten to him hadn't they!
Well bb. I loved it. I can't wait to see what you have instore for them over the years .. especially if your going to wind the o/s into this. Even if your not I'm utterly looking forward to the journey you take us on.
LOTSA LOTSA luv