|Reviews for A Wish Fulfilled|
| noname00 chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
| asa-senpai chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
To be honest i wasn't Hei & kirihara fan but after reading this i am XDDD lol
Oh this is a great story.
and i don't think anyone would have written it better.
great job )
| Destinies Entwined chapter 1 . 11/24/2011
What a sweet one-shot! That's actually a lil scenario that's been going on in the back of my head...how she finally gets to tell him WHY she joined section 3...cuz we all know Hei had to have felt a bit betrayed when he found out. IDK if I would do it in one shot, though, so maybe when I finally get some more headway on my Inuyasha fic, I'm gonna delve into some DTB H/M shtuff to soothe the gaping HOLE that DTB left in my heart after RnG! O.o
Of course I know in your profile you said you are looking for honest opinions and critiques, so being a teacher, I'll give you a friendly pointer: don't be so quick with your endings. or your love scenes, for that matter. It's all so..."PG". I understand that not everyone writes mature content, but you go from being descriptive about getting close, you really build it up well, and then you wrap up the scene so non-chalantly. There are ways to be romantic with out it turning into a lemon and still have it be compelling and satisfying. The ending of a scene, chapter or story is just as important as the opening, maybe even MORE so, because it's the LASTING impression. You write so well all the way through, just take more time with wrapping up your thoughts.
Peace, Love and Fanfic!
PS I can't wait for more of Paradox Key! It's really shaping up to be a good fic like Heart is Not Black.
| SeikoTuNeR chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
That was excellent. But would Masaki really want to just..run away with him? I'd think she'd be a bit more reserved about something like that. But it was an awesome read nonetheless.
| delirious0ne chapter 1 . 1/8/2011
Oh this was a great read and wonderfully written. I'm glad misaki got her wish! ].
| Sailor Pandabear chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
| Konoha's White Fang chapter 1 . 5/13/2010
*sigh* I think I'm feeling myself melting... the beginning tore at my heart, Hei's words were so cruel and cold but when Misaki kissed him, he finally FINALLY spoke the truth. I really liked this story, thank you for writing it!
| archangelBBQ chapter 1 . 3/3/2010
heh.. i like Misaki x Hei, but I wasn't expecting the confession or what came after it. that was a surprise! Even though it doesn't really seem too characteristic of them, I still enjoyed it.
ah, if only love...
| meteordehyde chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
suteki...yeah, they do make an amazing pair.
| Sunshine chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
I definitely liked the bittersweet ending. Nice work.
| Lolikon chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
Wow. You don't mention Suou at all in your story. Why? Do you hate Suou?
I love Hei x Misaki, too. That was such a sweet story.
| omegaPhi chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Say goodbye to Kirihara's virginity? xD
| Aerysa chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Is this the one you were working on before or a different one?
Anyways, as with tradition... hehe~
Mistakes I saw.
"It's not as if she was expecting him..." - should be "It wasn't as if..."
"Are you going to answer my question," - ? mark at the end instead of comma.
Missing some quotation marks here and there.
"shared your thoughts about how you'd have like to stay in Tokyo" - 'liked' instead of 'like'
"She held her composer" - 'composure' instead of 'composer'
"that not only went against everything she knew as a contractor" - went against everything she knew about contractors?
"Maybe that is what drew her to him." - Maybe that 'was' what...
"She slowly let the pain of not seeing him linger to the back of her mind." - 'fade' might be a better word choice than 'linger'.
"This maybe her last night with him, and she wanted to savior every second of it." - "This may be her last night with him and she wanted to savor every second of it."
With that out of the way, it was really sweet! :) I was really upset by that episode when he hit her! And how angry with her he had been. He hardly gave her a chance to explain and just dashed off with Suou and July. Aww~ If they kissed and made up after that... *squeals*
| CreativeKiss chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I'm just a little uncertain as to whether or not Misaki's confession was characteristic of her. However, even I'm a sucker for passionate moments, and I thought it was well written. There were a few minuscule spelling errors, but nothing blatantly obvious, I don't think. Good job; it's nice to see a story from you once in a while :)
| Nalana chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Okay, so for starters, I enjoyed this. It was an interesting little interlude. I'm not 100% certain I like crying-instant-confession Misaki, but sometimes I'm just too darn picky. I do like the reflection on the two pieces she knows of him not even starting to be a whole. That was nice.
Some lovely ideas, and a piece of fan-girl pie make for smiles. :)