Reviews for The Monster Within Ichorlin of the Ichormere
Eric chapter 13 . 1/23/2012
Having caught up now, I see the theme of the story being Ichorlin's realization of hospitable and even honorable people, much contrasted by Rossamund's realization of hospitable and respectable monsters (and dastardly people). It's shaping up very well, and I'm excited to see how this goes! On another note, I did often think about what Fouracres has been up to since he and Rosy departed, so this is a much welcomed addition!
Eric chapter 8 . 1/23/2012
I enjoyed this chapter very much. Exploring a typically brave and strong character's vulnerabilities and social side always deepens the character, and this one was done well.

One note to keep in mind for future reference (if you haven't already factored it in) is on the Vinegar Seas. The waters in the Half-Continent are very acidic. As a simple reference (can't remember exactly where I heard this, perhaps the MBT blog), the sea causes redness and irritation in a swimmer after a quarter hour of direct exposure, blisters after a half hour, and reaching the point of death if stranded there for more than an an hour or two.

Given the very short time Piri and Ichorlin were in the water, this fact doesn't have any major effect on the story so far. It just would've been interesting if the acidity had been referenced somehow, if for nothing other than increasing the Half-Continent feel (e.g. Ichorlin thinking about the pain from the constant waves or worrying about the effect swimming in the water would have on her, thus playing on her apprehension of the sea). Of course, this is only an opinion.
Eric chapter 6 . 1/23/2012
I was apprehensive of a manikin story at first, since Rossamund's story caused manikins to be a buzz word in the fan community since Factotum came out. This, however, seems so far to be a well-researched, un-rushed story that is very believably in the H-C realm, which came as a surprise. I see no immediate need for improvement thus far, frankly. One question though, which may have already been answered in progressing chapters: Is this story's plot wrapped around a single conflict, or a series of them as it's been implying? It's important for direction, however I'm fine with a series of smaller goals/conflicts driving the story if that is the point of it.
Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 13 . 12/18/2011
Thanks for the updates! I appreciate them.

-Silvermoon
Loomblaze chapter 11 . 11/28/2011
OMG, are you like, D M Cornish's kid or something! This is epic! Loved it! You portray Fouracers as DMC does, when this is done, can you copy it and send it to me? Lol jk, though it IS great enough to be in book-form, ;) I don't think you could have it anymore DMC-ish if ... Well, you get the idea, I'm not good at such things :/ I can't wait for the rest, I have a feeling that it's going to be FAN-TASTIC.

(Bad pun, I know, 'twas all I could come up with at the moment ;)does Ichorlin or Fouracers know of Rossamund's fate? Just wondering ;)
Loomblaze chapter 1 . 11/26/2011
Wow, thats great, sounds like it was penned by D.M Cornish himself ;) :)
CillianJGato chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
This seems very interesting. I have read the first two of the Monster Blood Tattoe series, and if this is any good as those two volumes were, you might have yourself a deticated fan. Though you probably don't need me. ;_;
Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 11 . 2/18/2011
Nice story! I'm surprised there are so few MBT fanfics. It's such an amazing series that I assume everyone has read it.

-Silvermoon
Jerceto chapter 11 . 9/4/2010
This is a great story. Pity there's not more for MBT. I really like your writing style. No, I don't think your 'he said, she said' stuff is too awkward or anything. And, my God, actual capital letters and correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Not many people can boast that sadly. I really love that you've kept the language and the accents. You are doing a great job and I really want to find out what happens next. Looking forward to the next chapter. Eros
Deadly Sparrow chapter 10 . 4/21/2010
Finally, a story in this category! Did you know the jim Henson company are adapting it? (Y'know, the Muppets.) Should be fun...

No, you're not saying "said" too much so no worries XD You barely wrote "said" in this chapter anyways!

CONTINUE NOW. Yes? :3
WordBirdNerd chapter 10 . 4/19/2010
I don't think you're using "said" too much at all. The word "said" is invisible: your eyes go right over it and you don't even notice it's there. Using "said" puts the focus on what your characters are saying rather than how they're saying it. Some sentences actually work better that way. ("Asked" is the same way.)

For writing how people speak, my advice is to say the dialogue out loud. It feels kind of silly, but it's fun! Pretend you're an actor. Play around with it: say it with a different emotion, put it in a different order, use different words for the same ideas. See which one sounds the most natural to you.

And I wish I could write Cornish-style! I'm not sure what advice to give you there, other than "read the books over and over," but if you're anything like me you're already doing that. ;)
WordBirdNerd chapter 7 . 3/20/2010
Yay! An MBT fanfic! Give me a minute to get over my excitement, and I'll answer your questions as best I can...

I like your style. You have an ear for dialogue, your descriptions have improved since the "very stormy night" (I particularly like "the crisp wet air"), and the story is firmly anchored in the main character's point of view-the reader is looking through her eyes, not seeing her on a screen. That said, for a story with nine chapters, we still don't know her very well, or what direction the plot is going in.

She decides to investigate The Animal, she decides to go after some bandits, not to mention deciding to leave Priggle's house and travel to human lands, all with no hesitation-she never stops to figure out her next move. She has a "large mission," but we don't know what it is! Sure, every story needs something to reveal later, but this is the viewpoint character, our window into this strange new world. Let us think we can trust her, even if we can't. Let us identify with her, be on her side, share her triumphs and disappointments. Show us which are which, and why.

My favorite part, I think, is when she meets Piri. She has trouble understanding his accent, ends up in a boat in which she doesn't feel quite safe and finally has to face her fears to save him. You're not making things easy for your characters; that lets them impress us and makes a story exciting.

My least favorite part, to be honest, is her name. Don't get me wrong, "ichor" is a wonderfully Half-Continent sort of word, but that's just it: it sounds like a word, a word the people she meets are likely to know, and probably associate with monsters. Adding "lin" on the end just makes it sound like a word with "lin" on the end. (The chicken soup can is an honorable mention. It doesn't really fit, but I have no idea what to suggest instead.)

Overall I enjoyed the story, and I'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter. I can't wait to see what Fouracres has to say.
ANP chapter 8 . 3/7/2010
AH! You've got to continue! This story sounds good, and it's the only one in the MBT category (T.T)

Erm... Well, that's all, but I've got a question... Are any of the main characters going to show up? (Rossamund, Europe, Sebastipole, Numps, etc)
Negima Maleficarum chapter 7 . 2/21/2010
More!More!More! You can't just leave it on a cliffhanger! It's realy good. I enjoyed reading it. Hm... Maybe she should meet a lazhar soon, eh?
K chapter 7 . 2/15/2010
good story keep up the good work!
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