|Reviews for Naruto: Psyche|
| RyuSaiDragoon2 chapter 6 . 1/23
It's pretty good so far. Can't wait to read some more of your story.
| BeautifulLotus chapter 6 . 3/1/2014
i want more
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/4/2013
I do not get it but I do like the story line it is good
| SongofEmerald chapter 6 . 4/7/2013
What? Sorta confuzzled. What happened to Naruto and Choji? What's "that"?
| Ryu Senju Uchiha chapter 6 . 3/22/2013
| Uberlemming chapter 4 . 1/1/2013
Another cool chapter. You need to avoid using phrases alien to the Naruto world too much, especially ones specific to a place (the US) like "...faker than a three dollar bill.". Does Konoha use dollars? No, do we know what denominations of money it even uses? No. In addition to that, for those of us not used to that turn of phrase it grates even more as we notice it more readily since it is not something heard regularly.
Also I can see you flagging occasionally with Naruto hearing thoughts. I suggest that you continue doing what you did here, having him focus on one person's thoughts (or a few people), or hearing snippets from a crowd (not whole sentences unless he is focused on the person thinking). Overall you have done an admirable job of portraying this which is something quite difficult to do, but there is always room for improvement.
Thanks for writing!
| Uberlemming chapter 3 . 1/1/2013
Cool chapter, but would Kakashi really be caught by a kick in the groin? Other than that it was good, very funny and a nice original way to test the genin, though I think you missed an opportunity with a second mask underneath the first. Also watch out for apostrophes and their uses, like "...the brat's actually did it." and my previous comments also apply here with spelling.
| Uberlemming chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
The story so far is interesting, if littered with oddities and things I feel could do with a little tweaking. Feel free to ignore or use this advice, but take into account that this is meant to be constructive criticism and whilst it seems negative, the fact that I can actually be bothered to list this stuff in detail is indicative of me liking your work :).
Firstly (a real pet peeve of mine) Schizophrenia is not the same thing as multiple personality disorder. Here is the wikipedia definition:
Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by poor emotional responsiveness. Common symptoms include auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction
I really like that you have someone (Anko in this case, although I would have thought you would get Ibiki to do it as Anko is not well trusted by some) analysing the team compositions but you had her go too far.
Hinata is not as suicidal as you make out unless you have changed what is happening in the background as well, she uses Naruto as a beacon of hope for herself, that someone oppressed in such a way could thrive (or what she thinks is thriving) and however sad that is it gives her something to live for.
Shino will not be driven insane by his team-mates and though he may develop issues, they would not be classified as insanity by a psychologist expressing their professional opinion.
For Chouji it is mentioned in canon that he needs all that food for his family techniques since they use up his own body fat when not performed at an extremely high level.
What I am trying to say is that you nailed a lot, though not all, of the issues the rookie genin have really well but you have Anko stating things at a too a extreme level (barring Sasuke, that guy's problems have problems). If Anko is speaking in a professional capacity, no matter how wacky she is normally, she will use measured language to give ideas as to the level of the issues. Having her say that, in effect, all the genin bar two are certifiable in one way or another should not happen, or should gain a huge reaction from everyone.
The next issue I have is a more minor one to do with grammar. You need to police your use of their, there and they're along with your and you're and so on. You are not so bad with this (especially comparing to other writers) but you do make some consistent errors that are not typos and they could do with fixing when/if you can be bothered or have the time.
My final one, and it is a biggie, is the pin. It is a really cool idea but think of the ramifications of possessing an object that can make your ninja read minds without effort. Sure there are problems but it not something you would just misplace! There have to be consequences, or problems with using it more than feedback from everyone's minds or Konoha T&I would be super efficient and there would be few, if that, surviving traitors in the village. Maybe what it could be said to do is increase psychic sensitivity (something the Yamanaka have naturally, and can therefore use their jutsu perhaps?) and some unique quality to Naruto, of which there are a few, cause this to manifest constantly, actively and on a dangerous level.
Remember, Naruto's biggest role and reason for being important at this time is that he is the living prison of a demon of such power that the conventional (ninja) military might of an entire nation cannot push it back. If I was Sarutobi I would be terrified for the village and Naruto since the Kyuubi will always try to influence him and now it has another opening.
Powers need to be believable in the universe you set them, they have to follow your own rules about the world and they have to exist in such a way that is realistic (if they are exploitable and they haven't been there had better be a damn good reason for it). Also heroes are not interesting for their powers, but rather their weaknesses. Having Naruto struggling with this could be an awesome basis for the story, especially with the Kyuubi involved, but if all it does is give him headaches and superpowers it just isn't as intriguing.
All in all a good start to your story, I will continue reading and I hope to see more. Thanks for writing!
| snowecat chapter 6 . 1/26/2012
If you ever come back, I'll be looking forward to your work.
| empresskitsune chapter 6 . 12/11/2011
I've never played TWEWY but this is great!
| icecatfire chapter 1 . 11/28/2011
this is good please finish this every good story i read ether takes a long time or is discontinued.
| rianifitria chapter 6 . 10/18/2011
I know it's almost a year late and all that, but I'd like to say that I like your style of writing.
It actually gave the characters interesting traits (like Asuma's crazy test, Ino and Shika's quirk - Ino likes pointy objects!, Kakashi's paranoia, Anko's extreme protectiveness, Chouji's liking history).
And the transition of 'main' characters in the different segments was done very nicely and not at all jarring. All the events were progressing but in different 'POV'; not the same event but seen in different POV. Which is very good.
The sore point comes from the bashing of Team 7. Sort of. They're painted really as antagonist, while they're actually not really, and Naruto is really not lacking in antagonistic characters. Plus, Kiba's canonically Naruto's 'friend'.
On that note, I have to admit I like it because it's shown that not all rookie 9 or 12 are buddy buddy. It's more human that some will clash and not in friendly 'slap slap kiss kiss' type of clash either.
| Yakurenazea chapter 6 . 10/12/2011
This is actually pretty good :D My favorite anime combined with my favorite game ((I. LOVE. TWEWY!)) So it feels great to read this. Also, I think The Split is when it seperates into the U.G. and R.G. However, I am intrigued into what this "Shikamaru Chouji and Naruto" fiasco is, because I'm getting a little creep'd...And either Itachi is a Harrier (That would explain why he can't use the pins, like Akatsuki is composed of Harrier reapers with Pein being the conductor or something) or he's still a 'Player' but is undercover with the reapers...But its still hard to tell. Keep this up though :) I love it!
| Harutrina chapter 6 . 10/8/2011
Please! tell me this is going to be continued!
| xbamsod chapter 6 . 7/23/2011
Wow really interesting. I love TWEWY and with Naruto in it makes it all better. I wonder how Naruto is gonna use the pins that Itachi gave him. It seems like Itachi is a good guy too. ~Update Soon~ _ I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next.