lmao-

This was an absolut to read

I choked at 'diarming'

This is great. the only thing missing is whatever poor bastard on the receiving end.

Your family relations: _ _ _
HAHAHA! I love the little hints about Vernon and Petunia's treatment of him.
Last sentence is amazing!

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS

I like simply how long it is.

This is hilarious

i want to see the reactions to the ones to recieve it

Comprehensive... I think he should maybe heed Hermione's advice though.

I always go back to reread this because it's fucking BRILLIANT. Also, that last line is EVERYTHING XDD

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Voldemort try to kill Harry the first time when he was 1 and 3 months, not just 3 months old?

This is always going to be a fun read :)

Nice idea, great execution.

Just:

The May 96 episode, there were more people involved. Namely twelve Death Eaters and You-know-who. Don't they count? Or are they considered innocent on principle?

Admitting casting the Imperius Curse on a human is not the cleverest idea. Irrespective of the fact that Death Eaters seem to be released on principle, no matter how many people they have tortured, controlled and murdered, it SHOULD put everyone in Azkaban, no matter the reason for casting. Unless Crouch's decree from the First Blood War is still (or again) in effect and Harry can argue for fighting on behalf of the ministry as a kind of Deputised Auror.

Should be "Cursed by Killing Curse" Avada Kedavra is the incantation, not the name of the spell. But more important: Harry was FIFTEEN months old at that time. Which makes Dumbledore just leaving him at the Dursleys' even worse. Harry could've crawled or walked into the traffic of not-quite-awake morning commuters and easily died.

"Unmentioned Skills: Planning" Really? Harry I-just-jump-in-with-both-feet-and-care-for-repercussions-later Potter sees himself as a planner? And Hermione I-rarely-get-out-of-bed-without-planning-how-to-save-my-friend-from-himself Granger just accepts that?

It's mightily AU, but I like that Hedwig survived in this story. Her death in canon was stupid, cruel and completely unnecessary and the result of idiotic planners who should've stayed in bed and died in their sleep. Would've been better for all.

Hahaha hilarious! Harry's dry sarcasm really shined in this one. loved it.