Reviews for Sandwich Battle
rachellephant chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Most of your sentences began with the noun they centered around. IE, when they were about Jim and his actions it was always "I did this" or "I did that." Every other character it was "He did this" or "she did that" and it made for a bit of a dull read up until about halfway through.

When Roy came in I thought you were going to be a bit more creative but it was just regular Roy being an idiot and Jim being the nice guy who everyone silently cheers for. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it was just rather over-used. I thought Roy (from the small part we saw of him) was in character though. And Pam and Jim weren't bad.

In other words, it was okay. The dialogue was my favorite part, but even that was a little wordy. It could have been trimmed down a bit. Especially the beginning.


gosh so sweet chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
You know, I actually loved this. A lot.

It was incredibly perfect.

It wasn't the cheesy Pam and Jim which seems to be what everyone else writes...

This was like an actual episode.

The Michael and Toby parts were right on key.

"Michael told Toby he can't afford love."

I died. Brilliant. Please write more?
Minniemora chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
It changed my word great job!:D MORE!