|Reviews for The First Breath|
| sev'slittleangel chapter 3 . 3/23/2011
I just read this chapter while listing to how to save a life by the fray and it was hard to get through the wake with it on it was a very good chapter it reminded me of my uncles wake very touching and very sad to read for me
| twilight-jemmett chapter 1 . 3/12/2011
| NeonMonkeys chapter 19 . 3/8/2011
I know I'm late to this story but it was just recc'ed to me.
I was already a big Jasper fan and this is him at his finest. One of the best human Jasper's I've read. I even liked Bella in this story - the 'casting' of Peter as her brother was genius. Nice to have a different cast - Jane, Alec, Kate etc instead of the usual Edward, Emmett, Rose et al.
The two writing styles fit together seamlessly - not always easy to pull off a collaboration.
Off to read some more of your stuff!
| Kenzersmom chapter 19 . 2/20/2011
thanks for the story like it! :)
| Kenzersmom chapter 5 . 2/20/2011
ok that sucks ass! poor jas!
| Kenzersmom chapter 1 . 2/20/2011
this is not starting out cheerful but here goes!
| kymbirdie chapter 19 . 2/7/2011
| Jenny Window chapter 19 . 12/29/2010
Following is basically a copy of a review I left on LVP's side of the story in early December but, on reflection, thought it was only fair that the feedback go to both authors (and the review count tick up another digit if that is a consideration), so for the second time: This story was simply awesome. I am a pretty steadfast B/E supporter, but this story was so perfect I couldn't care less what their names were. I don't know where to start to talk about how much I adored The First Breath - I read it a couple of weeks ago, and thought about it a lot in the weeks following. The writing (from both authors) was so polished and sophisticated. When I start reading a story, hoping it's going to be good, and it turns out to be an absolute gem it is such a great feeling - this story was a gem and then much more. Just wonderfully well written. Thank you.
| EmberlynEalise chapter 3 . 12/22/2010
Oh Jasper, you poor pitiful man. You were right not to take advantage of the little lady but you were a fool to think that you could just give her a shoulder squeeze and then pretend luke you didn't know she would take it as rejection. You're smarter than that.
This is where the angst begins. Being not of sound mind or body Bella will dissect this and make out everything that it's not. Sure, it'll provide her temporary relief from the dagger in her chest that is her fathers death but it will only cause more pain and eventual depression when she realizes she must feel Charlie's death twice since she chose not to properly handle it the first time. Now Jasper is going to be more insecure about the comfort can and cannot provide for her. The with drawl will ultimately cause questions to arise from Peter, Jasper will be the obvious target. Then, being the protective brotherhe is, he'll find some way to run Jasper off.
Then again maybe because this is an older Bella she'll be mature enough to not dwell on the gesture and Peter will give his blessing when the time is right. My money is on angst though.
One of my favorite things that the FanFiction community has taken from the series is Bella's need to rush into things. She jumped at assuming Edward hated her, fell in love in about a week, found something new to endanger her life daily when he was gone, immediately pressured for sex when Charlie mentioned it, and jumped at the marriage proposal when he tacked the honeymoon clause on. Plus other things I'm sure I left out. Now in FanFiction world she's puckering up for some boy in her bedroom when she hasn't even bothered to learn his last name, let alone anything else about him. She's hurting and grasping at straws, I can see that. You've painted her into a world made for a stronger person and I very much enjoy the struggle. Too often or minds would rather show a character seamlessly adapting to their new role but this is more real. From the way she acts now you can tell she was happy before she had to come back. Someone who didn't enjoy their chosen life would be finding something good about the change even on the worst of circumstances. She's not looking though. Subconsciously she knows that when all is said and done here she'll return to her own home and never need to come back.
But maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Perhaps Jasper is the silver lining she's been trying to find... It's hard to say. Is their pull an accident, a distraction, or is it Bella's way of saying that there's nothing good in her life except the prospect of him.
That's it, you win. This is much more than intriguing but I'll have to get back to you with a more fulfilling word to describe. Congratulations on awildly stimulating chapter three.
| EmberlynEalise chapter 2 . 12/22/2010
Contrary to popular belief I feel like it's best to talk about how you feel when you lose someone you love. There is something to be said for having to ability to vocalize your emotions beyond the term 'sad'. She feels cheated, her father taken before her time. She feels lost, back in her home tien but unable to really be at home. She fells lonely, only Peter is left now and soon he'll return to his world and her to her own until the become just Christmas and Birthday cards to one another. They'll no longer have that thread that ties then to one another. The pain is heart wrenching.
That being said, I'm sure I'm not the only one who wanted to punch Mike Newton in the face. She's grieving and it was as though he felt the need to grill her on it. Does he not have feelings of his own to deal with? I can tell he's going to be his usual disappointing self but every now and again I wish he could pull his head out of his behind and put someone else before himself. Of course, even Jasper is finding that hard though he has a lot more willpower and much less time with her.
Like all others I'm sure, I'm rooting for their love but I'm patient. There's a lot that needs to be dealt with before either of them are ready to even believe it's possible. For their sake I hope they keep a level head on their shoulders.
Another brilliantly written chapter has come to a close and I congratulate you on your ability to invest your time in such a compelling piece of on chapter two.
| EmberlynEalise chapter 1 . 12/22/2010
Thus far I enjoy your take on Bella's grief. To be honest when Jasper sat down to watch SportsCenter I actually expected that to be what would cause her breakdown. I could see her putting up a wall to mask the pain she would undoubtedly feel upon entering her childhood home only to hear the familiar sounds of game statistics as if the house did not realize Charlie was not there. I could see Bella cautiously peeking into the livingroom with all the hope her fragile mind could muster before the world came crashing back to her shoulders at the sight of an awkward stranger looking nervous and out of place. That was where I saw her breakdown happening. This was amazing though, the tangible emotions of Peter and Bella as they feel one only the other has the right to feel as well. They resort back to the children they were when everything was as it should have been, when Bella was broken and Peter was consoling though his heart would break for her as well.
There was a real defining point for Jasper's character in this scene. Not only did he not hesitate to take part in aiding his friend in a time most needed but when this woman he had never met, barely could even see, cried out for relief from the heartache he wanted to comfort her as well. This speaks more than any love at first sight nonsense could because he clearly didn't see that she was stunningly beautiful, her eyes and smile and blush, nor did he know the she knew all the lines to his favorite movie...all the words to his favorite songs...he couldn't have possibly known the way her soft skin felt in his arms as her smalls wisps of stay hair tickled his wherever he inhaled deeply of her strawberry scented shampoo. All he knew was that she needed and that he needed needed too.
The imagery is breath taking and I hope that as I read on I will be equally as impressed by your ability to put your characters ahead of their hormones. Congratulations on a well written chapter one. I look forward to many more to come.
| mayeyec chapter 19 . 12/22/2010
I saw the Trailer on Youtube and I wasn't sure if I wanted to read your story, but I am glad I did. It was a great read.
| MissNikita chapter 1 . 11/15/2010
That was intense.
| rcorrine chapter 2 . 11/10/2010
it's a "holy crap... I'm in a library supposed to be studying but I got side-tracked and now I'm crying and choked up" kind of wow.
| rcorrine chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
I uh... yeah.