Reviews for The First Breath
jermak99 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
YAY! I'm so excited you are writing this!

This first chapter was really good and I'm very excited to read more.



SubtlePen chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Oh babe - what a wonderful, amazing, original beginning! horrible and sad and beautiful in it's simplicity. so looking forward to more. xoox always
Minerva.May.I chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Aw, Charlie. Looking forward to the new story and, of course, anything you write J & B. I like the idea of Peter being Bella's brother. It's a new way of having him be involved in Jasper's life.

I especially liked Jasper's thought process about the beer in the refrigerator and leaving the book open on the table. Great job with conveying the discomfort you can feel when those close to you suffer a loss.
PreciousD chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
omg this story beginning is absolutely amazing. i could feel peters pain and jaspers insecurity what to do, to hug his friend or leave him on his own. and poor bella just reading jasper seeing bella breaking down was painful :(

i love how it is all written, can't wait for tuesday to read more :)


p.s. I found the link to this story on twitter, thanks to BBSapphire24 :)
smelsies chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Wow! That was really really good. I like this story and will be waiting for more.
KimberlyAnnT chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
can't wait for the next chapter
Unerose93 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I can feel the smell of a great story! xD
BBSapphire24 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
wow ladies! this is amazing.

The pain the you emanated from Peter is heartbreaking. You did an amazing job at getting that across.

The realistic thoughts and feelings you gave Jasper make the chapter so much better, because as "selfish" as they seem, they are real thoughts people would have.

There were so many lines that really jumped out and grabbed me.

The feelings of disturbing a crime scene, or not taking his beers. They were perfection. I can just imagine Jasper walking around a house doing all of this. I loved that he didn't disturb the book.

It was a great chapter and I can not wait to read the next one, I think this is going to be great as all of you're stuff has been. I love your Jasper, Peters and Bellas! Oh and your angst breaks my heart!


lynne0731 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010

This was just WOW!

Vendell chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Poor Peter and Bella, my heart breaks for them on the death of Charlie. I was dying laughing about the gang wars in Forks. Sounds like Jasper is a great friend to Peter. I hope he can help Peter and Bella get through this. Can't wait for the next chapter.
beignet chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I have missed your writing. Between this & Twilight 25 round 2 I am very happy :)
Legna989 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Okay, so normally for a collab in which it's clear which author wrote which POV/chapter, I would review accordingly. But since my reviews will be brief, I'm going to leave reviews for both on each chapter. Besides, I know that while you each may have written a specific POV, you truly collaborated on all of it, and what was written by one helped inform the other.

I'm really looking forward to seeing what kind of response this gets. It's different, and so good. What a great way to start the new year.

Thank you to JA for purchasing and sharing. Thank you for writing.
Struck Upon a Star chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Beautiful and sad beginning. Looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds.
ahizelm chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Gah, ladies. This just about killed me.

First, we have the obvious homage to canon in your very sleek references to the way that Peter's pain is impacting Jasper. It's hard to read, and awkward, and makes me cringe, but honestly, that's perfect because if it read easily, if it was all flowers and pretty and smooth, then the narration would not match the events of the story.

Peter's grief is overwhelming, and the body language you manage to portray here is intense and raw, as is Jasper's emotional incongruence.

I can't lie - my heart fell a little more when a man arrived with Bella. I realize that's sort of ridiculous in the face of everything else going on in this chapter, but it is what it is. I know we're not positive regarding the identity of the man who rushed around the car to her, but part of me wants Edward to just...not be a part of this story, because there's so much grief already, and it hurts to think of adding another level when he and Bella reach their obvious impending demise, seeing as this is a Jasper/Bella story. But in all honesty, the two of you know how to weave a tale in ways that pull me in, make me root for your characters, and just generally own me.

Therefore, I am in this for the long haul, and am preparing to buy a box of tissues.

Thanks to JA for sharing. I look forward to chapter 2.
bmango chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Wow - great start to the story. For Jasper to be wrapped up in this emotional time for Peter. And then the instant attraction to Bella. I could see this becoming very tangled. -b
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