Reviews for The First Breath
Bella91388 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
This looks incredibly good, sad, but good. Can't wait for an update!
CherBella chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Yay! I was so excited to see a new story by you and LVP!

This first chapter was fabulous. I don't know why, but in the beginning, since it was Peter's father who died, even though he was a cop in Forks I was just assuming it was someone else. When his father's friend called I was expecting it to be Charlie. Then when Peter says Bella's name, is when it hits me that it really is Charlie who's died and the sadness starts to kick in. Well done! (Or maybe I'm just slow on the uptake! :)

Jasper does a great job taking care of Peter and trying not to intrude. I love the description of the house, all of the things like the book and the beers that Jasper chooses to leave as is.

Bella breaking down in the driveway was heartbreaking and I wanted Jasper to run out to her too! :)

Looking forward to more.

Great song prompts!
Moony Ju chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I know this will be amazing. It already is. Your Jasper is just brilliant!

And I loved that there's Peter here! I like him! :D

Well, that was really sad... you showed it really well... can't wait for more...
circe290 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I've had this open in a tab since you posted it, and didn't have ten uninterrupted minutes where I could read it! So...finally!

Jasper's wanting to help Pete, but his feeling that he's somehow intruding on his grief... that's just really well done, because it's true. When you're in a situation where someone dies...someone who was close to someone you're close to...that's just how it feels and seems.

His thoughts about moving the book, or opening the fridge to make a sandwich...perfect.

I'm excited to see where this goes!
jermak99 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
YAY! I'm so excited you are writing this!

This first chapter was really good and I'm very excited to read more.



SubtlePen chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Oh babe - what a wonderful, amazing, original beginning! horrible and sad and beautiful in it's simplicity. so looking forward to more. xoox always
Minerva.May.I chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Aw, Charlie. Looking forward to the new story and, of course, anything you write J & B. I like the idea of Peter being Bella's brother. It's a new way of having him be involved in Jasper's life.

I especially liked Jasper's thought process about the beer in the refrigerator and leaving the book open on the table. Great job with conveying the discomfort you can feel when those close to you suffer a loss.
PreciousD chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
omg this story beginning is absolutely amazing. i could feel peters pain and jaspers insecurity what to do, to hug his friend or leave him on his own. and poor bella just reading jasper seeing bella breaking down was painful :(

i love how it is all written, can't wait for tuesday to read more :)


p.s. I found the link to this story on twitter, thanks to BBSapphire24 :)
smelsies chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Wow! That was really really good. I like this story and will be waiting for more.
KimberlyAnnT chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
can't wait for the next chapter
Unerose93 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I can feel the smell of a great story! xD
Goneforever8888 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
wow ladies! this is amazing.

The pain the you emanated from Peter is heartbreaking. You did an amazing job at getting that across.

The realistic thoughts and feelings you gave Jasper make the chapter so much better, because as "selfish" as they seem, they are real thoughts people would have.

There were so many lines that really jumped out and grabbed me.

The feelings of disturbing a crime scene, or not taking his beers. They were perfection. I can just imagine Jasper walking around a house doing all of this. I loved that he didn't disturb the book.

It was a great chapter and I can not wait to read the next one, I think this is going to be great as all of you're stuff has been. I love your Jasper, Peters and Bellas! Oh and your angst breaks my heart!


~ Jess
lynne0731 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010

This was just WOW!

Vendell13 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Poor Peter and Bella, my heart breaks for them on the death of Charlie. I was dying laughing about the gang wars in Forks. Sounds like Jasper is a great friend to Peter. I hope he can help Peter and Bella get through this. Can't wait for the next chapter.
beignet chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I have missed your writing. Between this & Twilight 25 round 2 I am very happy :)
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