|Reviews for The Harem War|
| Nihatclodra chapter 10 . 3/3
... I'm getting a VERY strong feeling that Ginny is actually Harry's Sister.
| Reader chapter 34 . 2/26
The old man drank his own kool-aid! The wards fell ages ago and he dosed the Dursleys to magnify their hatred of magic after it became evident that Harry warmed their hearts. My friend has a similar thing going in one of his fanfics, but he made it so that Dumbledore is delusional and schizophrenic. (in his universe, phoenixes slow down the aging process, not mental degradation) If you think about it, the man probably was schizo, since he was just weird and his robes were as gaudy as all hell, as well as him seemingly not being completely in touch with reality.
The thing about Dumbledore is he is the tortoise. He is great, wise and slow. His wisdom and persona are great strengths, but his habit of slowly examining things is his greatest downfall. It is nice to thoroughly understand something, but to wait outside a building for half a day or stand in a room for ten or more minute marveling over a brick is just a waste of time. He gets too focused on things and, while blankly staring at one thing, utter chaos is happening behind his back. Truly, Partially Kissed Hero pegged Dumbles perfectly: he's effective, but he needs time to do things. He isn't adaptable, not quickly anyway.
| chase.ruiters chapter 49 . 2/26
| Reader chapter 21 . 2/22
oh man, I just realized that Harry ended his day with double Ds! (Daphne and Dora)
| Guest chapter 23 . 2/18
Jesus Christ another S/N story. Let me guess Hannah probably gets involved with them. You know it'd be simpler if it was Hannah and Neville then you bring in Susan if you want her so bad with him. To me that'd make a little bit more since. God I'm so sick and tired of this pairing. In order for it to work you have to make him to OC. His character evolves from scared little kid to a man willing to sacrifice himself in the seventh book. This Neville is a normal fucking teenager. Pardon my language, but it's true. Secret girlfriend? That nobody knows about? And this girlfriend happens to be the niece of the head dmle? I'm calling bull. His grandmother would've known and Susan would have someone constantly watching her making sure she's safe. That's why Hannah would've been perfect for the secret girlfriend route which could've led to Hannah asking him to accept Susan wh's her best friend. But no you completely ignore that route for this which makes me want to gauge out my eyes. Kinda good ideas, but the execution is flawed. Grammar is ok. And character interaction is meh at best. I'm not trying to be mean I'm just being honest. That previous review I saw was too heated and that person may have just been mad at the N/S aspect of this, but it helped me look ahead three chapters and see what they were talking about. Again and I really mean this in the most neutral way possible, work on your dialogue and think out story arcs and decide if that's the best way to do it. If it helps take a day away from that decision to help.
| Guest chapter 23 . 2/18
God damnit this is where I leave this story. I'm done. Nope way too much for me to fucking sit through and take. Small things at first, but that introduction to this chapter was cringe inducing. Sorry to say it and hopefully you got better, but fucking shit could I not take that.
| Corrector chapter 7 . 2/17
Half of 930 is 465, not 478. Harry's true Ganter Score would be around 950. Learn your math or learn to use a calculator! Your writing is excellent, but your math is shoddy.
| We need more war chapter 68 . 2/13
Get to work and write more of this, I really am interested in how the muggleized army will work.
| Golden Dragon King chapter 20 . 2/14
Darn it all! I wanted mindless, unadulterated, raunchy, dickk tingling smut... but you give me well thought out plot, unique ideas, and a totally new AU to enjoy.
Basically, thank you.
| Guest chapter 76 . 2/12
Oh my... wondering what happens next! Please update!
Also...what happened with all those magical orphans? Since Harry didn't adopt any, nothing else was said about them...
| HJP4Life chapter 1 . 2/3
| peacejaw chapter 44 . 1/31
I think that over-all, you have a good story on hand. However, there is so much ... sexual aspects of the story that just boggle the mind. Yes, we know that Harry's women are bonded by sex -that doesn't mean that we have to see every little detail for each woman's sexual bonding. Same thing with the talk about sex, the sexual innuendos, and stuff... to much of of particular subject (even sex) can dilute the story some -or a lot, depending on how you look at it.
Another idea is... well, if you are going to have Harry bring so many concubines (women) to the island from Britain, is it necessary for Harry and his immediate friends to take all of the concubines? Why not allow some of the islanders have some of the concubines as well? It would help with Harry's time management, and it would also help the islanders as well.
There is also a certain repetitiveness to some of your informational moments. You want people (the islanders, newbies, and your readers) updated on what's going on? For the newbies and the islanders, maybe have something like an introduction class for the newbies (it could be in the form of the girls taking command of the new arrivals and showing them the ropes and stuff)... and then have a town (or island) meeting ... or have a news conference about what he's doing... something like that.
As for the readers... I'd have to say that snippets of information throughout the story would be more beneficial than everything at once... and then repeat *everything* every so often (I feel like you do this so often that I tend to gloss over those discussions)... same thing with the war efforts and all of the other idea's you have for the island.
Time management seems to be a big issue for Harry. Why not start something like a counsel or something to where the primary 'wives' head up certain departments... and then have those women report to Hermione and/or Harry? That way, Harry has a little more free time on his hands and isn't so distracted by unnecessary stress & anxiety?
On another note, with some of the conversations, it almost seems like those conversations turn into lecture mode... especially when it comes to the discussions of the bonds, and on occasion the war. Sometimes it just seems like you are just repeating yourself to different people.
It might be wise to have someone directing the war efforts, someone directing the concubine situation, then the schooling and the construction situations. Just something to think about.
something else to think about... outside of the sexual aspect of things, there hasn't been a whole lot of... action(?). Hardly any arguments (with the exception of with the Dursley's), everything turns out to be just peachy with the wives and concubines, a few issues with the Death Eaters (but hardly anything else with that (as in, you've only had one or two situations where there has been attacks, fight scenes, revenge tactics and such), and the like.
And outside of people talking about the issues in Britain once something happens, you don't see a whole lot of what people think (with the possible exceptions of Dumbledore, Ron, and Molly and those aren't that frequent) or feel about the situation. Are people scared? Worried? Afraid?
Calm? Are they beginning to move on with their lives? And this is even before the new school year starts.
| Guest chapter 76 . 1/6
why won't you finish this? its a really great story!
| Guest chapter 76 . 1/3
Will you be writing any more? ITs a great story, and there are lots of plots that need to be written!
Pls update us with your current status!
| Ruby chapter 76 . 1/2
While this is an excelent story and you've incorporated many interesting plot points, it could do with a little fine tuning. It would also be nice to see it finished at some point.