|Reviews for The Beginning|
| Queen Dagger chapter 4 . 1/14/2010
This Chapter is definately my favorite! You depicted such beautiful scenery! And I loved how the grass could whisper words! D Splendid job! YAY!
| The Genius Mage chapter 3 . 1/11/2010
Not bad. I wish the chapters were longer just so I could laugh at this Salesman again~!
Keep it up. You have plenty of detail and it has proper grammer, which is what I look for first!
| Queen Dagger chapter 3 . 1/8/2010
Haha! The chapter with the Happy Mask Salesman made me laugh! :P Poor guard,although he DID piss me off when he closed the gate when you refused to give the mask to him. xP
I like the addition to the second chapter. :D I only have two suggestions: in the sentance
they had withdrew from the world like a turtle, hiding in its shell" maybe change withdrew to withdrawn? And: "The Great Deku Tree had knew my secrets", change to known? Haha these are just suggestions though, so it is totally your call. :P
Great job though! :D
| Jacovi chapter 2 . 1/7/2010
Another great chapter! Sorry I didn't review earlier. I was busy with softball. XD Anyways, great job! Maybe next time a little bit of a longer chapter?
| Queen Dagger chapter 2 . 1/6/2010
Another great chapter with beautiful and heart-breaking prose! )
One suggestion: wording in one sentence I think could use just a bit of tweaking: "I remember the flames from hell engulfing Hyrule with scarlet flames that roared with anger." Maybe instead of using flames for a second time, use tips? Totally your call though. *Shrugs.*
Can't wait to read more! D
| Queen Dagger chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
Don't call yourself a bad writer ok? Because you are a great writer! Your chapter really caught my attention-my eyes didn't wander from the page until I had read it all!
I think you used very explicit and beautiful imagery, I especially liked the part about the trees communicating to each other. I also really loved the statement that light always prevails.
I do agree with the other reviewer about using the word lust instead of urge. But other than that-great job! I hope you grow more confidence and write more chapters! :D
P.S.-If you'd like to of course: could you review the first chapter to my story. I am hoping to get feedback on my writing... If you don't want to that is perfectly fine of course. Have a great day! :D
| Jacovi chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
I'd like to start out by saying, you're story is /not/ terrible. You are /not/ a bad writer. I very much enjoyed the first chapter and I am looking forward to more. Your style reminds me a little bit of my own . . . sometimes. :p Sometimes I am just too lazy to start out my stories like you did with your first chapter.
Your spelling and grammar are good. The only thing that I can really say that is that instead of "urge for blood", 'lust' might have been a better word, but what you said was not incorrect, so technically it's not a correction. Just a suggestion.
Great first chapter. I am looking forward to reading more. I can't wait to see where you take this.
Great first chapter!