|Reviews for State of Flux|
| Underwater Dreaming chapter 1 . 6/25
I just had the urge to look in the reviews and... WTF? What crawled up her butt and died? Perhaps some points were valid, perhaps some not, but I doubt that harsh tone was required, at all. There's constructive crit and then there's a flame well disguised as constructive crit.
Anyhow, back to my re-read of SoF. I really do love this story. I still remember when you had first posted it, 3 or 4 chapters in... There were a few other W/C stories around of a similar length, and I looked at all of them and thought to myself, "Yeah, none of these will ever get finished" with a sad sigh.
Still to this day, quite happy you did.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 5 . 2/13
I do not care if this work is old or that you started it in 2009. The fact that this was meant to be part of a series when it was flawed to begin with, and for the tragedy of your betas for not pointing out the obvious, have earned you these reviews. You have not improved over the years. This work was made as a love letter to the fandom, and those that gave you a proverbial kick in the balls didn’t do so with intent. These reviews are a metaphorical flaying, complete with a Judas Cradle.
Those that have helped you have said that this work was too long. It was. Countless chapters were focused on inane things: food, fashion, irrelevant family affairs, cheap humour, cheap characters, and the ever-present homophobia vs gay and proud themes which take precedence over survival horror, which Resident Evil is meant to be.
Chris is, as I have said before, not a person but a caricature: his personality is never consistent, he is easily angered, and, like someone under the throes of a cult, does not understand what constitutes love or abuse. He spends a year with Wesker, has countless sex with him, endures a rape (which the author denies was one), argues with himself whether he is gay or not, and wonders if Wesker loves him back. A healthy relationship deals with those things before sex; it’s called courtship. But Chris, being the essential gay man, is all about sex, protected or not, and miraculously, does not have a torn rectum or infections yet.
Wesker is the essential British gay man; charming, elusive, elegant. And that’s it. He abuses, manipulates, and beats up Chris in a series of physical assaults for things that he thinks Chris has failed at – both deserved and undeserved – and engages in rough sex for forgiveness. For all the cruelties, aspirations, and madness the real Wesker has, these are tossed aside for yet another gay male trope: that of the dominating Alpha that takes what he wants and has no care for his partner. His ‘Grr I am Evil’ speech was expected, and Chris, under the cultist throes, doesn’t understand why. It’s obvious: Wesker used him for sex, never reciprocated his love, and treats others like dogs. Chris, being a ‘fucking retard’ as you wrote it, can’t put two and two together. He is so in love with this piece of shit that he forgets to visit his own sister when she is injured and treats the women in his life as meaningless background pieces. Mindy, the woman he screwed in the beginning, is ever so tolerant of his lifestyle, when a real woman would either be heartbroken or have scorn the rest of her life.
The female characters are useless, worse than Mary-Sues, and serve as heterosexual Red Herrings. What this means is that for the gay object of desire, they are there to ensure the readership that he is undoubtedly straight before dumping them at the curb like a worn out trash bag. All slash stories have to some extent this principle. Another principle they have is female centrism, even if they are written by actual gay men: focus on food, clothing, drama and gay or not debates are all female. The dialogue, especially the sex talk, bored me to death and not even the T-virus could resurrect me.
There was no plot to this work; the Mansion Incident was but a smokescreen, and the deaths in that incident are passed over for Chris’ unhealthy obsession with the douchebag inconveniently named Wesker. A normal person wouldn’t even date someone with that level of audacious selfishness, but, then again, Chris is castrated and put in awe of Wesker, much like the Suethor that writes characters being in awe of her self-insert.
Chris WAS your self-insert. He was you. His speech, his focus on gay issues, and his views and interactions all speak of you. He is your vessel. I’ve written to other authors that when they start putting the homophobia card and ‘Christians suck’ card in their works, they deserve the hate they get. Not including the amount of sexual debauchery between characters, the sinqua non of ALL homosexual works, slashfic or published. His family are all archetypes, not people, and Claire, far from being the tomboy estranged from her brother, is there every step of the way. But she isn’t.
In the end, aside from the stench of bad sex scenes, boring dialogue, and a story that shouldn’t have made it past 2,000 words. Ignorance of canon, disregard of canon, and insulting canon, are all things that make slashfic horrible. Many do not speak on them because of fear that authors like yourself will call them homophobes. A bad work is a bad work, and they deserve to be called out. Far from being respectful of the fandom, you are one of the many stains on it, and your rape-loving only cements it. Let this be known for the rest of your life that you normalized rape, and, like other slash authors, it is acceptable when done between two men. It is love.
The biggest shame is that you were a University student, and despite all the essays written, have not improved either in skill or in methodology. I think that speaks untold volumes about Canadian university systems. From the visual art itself I can gather you are good at copying – but not at originality. I suppose an angry, masculine looking young woman with someone’s other philosophy to tell can be good at a warped fantasy, but fantasy without reality is removed entirely from imagination.
In a sense, I am very politely telling you that this work was a piece of shit, and shouldn’t have gotten as far as it did.
I think this quote fits you quite well:
"Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom."
- Charles Spurgeon
| The Fox Familiar chapter 4 . 2/13
Chapters 27 – 45
Don’t bring the phenomenal Umberto Eco into this. His works are beyond your comprehension.
“Crazed rapist with a death wish” – Odd how you bring up this trope, but rape is all too common in gay literature. While no rape goes on between Chris and Wesker, there is enough physical abuse to make the average person go, ‘That doesn’t sound healthy’. But, them being sadists and masochists, and the author too dumb to at least have the decency to make them discrete, this leads to a problematic plot of insult abuse rough sex manipulation. It’s not love. It’s domination and control, and if one party doesn’t give sex, they are punished.
Sherry didn’t – and wouldn’t – know Albert Wesker because the relationship between him and William was incredibly complex. They were scientific rivals, cruel in many respects, but unlike Wesker, William had tinges of regret. He never was big in Sherry’s life; Annette did most of the raising, and that is a stretch, too. This only adds to the trope of, ‘Rough Gay Man is Good with Kids.’
“Wesker is terrified of commitment” – He’s not terrified, he simply doesn’t find much use for it. He only finds commitment through loyalty with results. This castration of Wesker to some Phantom of the Opera style douchebag may be swooning for many female writers, but for us that have sense, it’s a joke.
Chris gets a concussion and not more than a few days later he’s having sex. Not a good idea. But it’s not like you did any research, right?
“You smell sweet like a flower” – Hope it’s Deadly Nightshade.
The only interesting thing in this story was the hiker being found in the river. Chris says he doesn’t get called to murder cases, but STARS, being a special task force, would if there was a case that needed assistance from the upper echelons. That’s what happened with Billy Coen.
Chris complains the RPD doesn’t do enough about the murders, yet that is exactly the reason why STARS was called in the first place. The RPD was getting swamped at the sheer scale of the murders, and sent Bravo team to the ‘cult’s hideout’, because they thought that the people attacking the hikers came from there. They didn’t know they were zombies. Chris’ complaint is nullified by this fact.
Wellp, more sex.
“Pain than pleasure” – Drink.
“It wasn’t rape, but it was close enough” – So there we have it. Dubious consent. Again, if that was a woman being a victim of Wesker’s ministrations, everyone in the review section would be pulling their hair out. But since it’s between two men, it is hot. So, not only are you a homophile, you’re a rape-lover. I bet there are tons of dub-con in your favourites, here and elsewhere.
“He was gorgeous” – Female centrism.
“They were equal now” – Nope. I’ll discuss this in my final review.
“That is absolutely fucking stupid!” – In which a character speaks sense about the story.
Chris confronts Wesker and we have the clichéd speech of: ‘You betrayed us but I know you love me deep down!’ For the love of God, just nuke this goddamn story already.
“We’re completely fucking retarded!” – In which a character is honest about everyone in the story.
“Jill is the silent but badass support” – No she isn’t. She’s the useless decoration in the background that has served no purpose. All characters aside from Chris and Wesker are caricatures; meaning, that they cease to be people and are merely definition plastered in the story. Everyone is cowed by Chris’ emotional outbursts about his failed love, a love affair that wasn’t even a relationship for more than a year. In fact, he demands everyone acknowledges his special love when it was anything but, and let’s be honest here: he deserves every bit of hate he gets because he chose to be an idiot and put trust and loyalty second to sex. All he wanted was sex. He was just an animal that wanted his quick fix. For that, he ceases to be a real human being and is the perfect caricature of the unrestrained, hypersexualized gay male. Guess they didn’t teach you that in University.
Don’t underestimate the ingenuity of fools – a fitting quote for an author more deserving of a condemning quote. Chris and the survivors, not at all scarred deeply by the Mansion Incident – a trivial affair in this work – walk into the RPD and demand Irons give up the goods. But how would they know he was involved? He was the one who shut down STARS after the incident, because Umbrella officials told him to. Chris and the other didn’t know he was involved, and they were already gone from the city (spare Jill, who endured the Raccoon City Incident). This entire confrontation is nullified by the facts.
It’s always a joy to derail a tear-jerker shitpiece with cold hard facts. Gets you right in the jimmies, doesn’t it?
Chris and the others then want to go to Birkin’s underground lab, but with no evidence to suggest that they know of such a lab, how would they go about doing it? Birkin’s lab was beneath Raccoon City and only Umbrella officials knew of it. If they had suspected outbreaks in the water system, I would think that STARS would call in more heavy-hands, but no. The simple thing is: the team was greatly affected by the Mansion Incident, and would be struggling to find answers. They knew Umbrella was behind it but with no proof and radioactive fallout from the mansion blowing up would deter all their efforts. They were out-funded and eventually disbanded. Birkin was an enigma until Chris realized Wesker’s other butt buddy might have something to do with it. Some build up. But I’ll discuss the many shortcomings in the final review.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 3 . 2/13
Chapter 14 – 26
We start the sex chapter with Joss Whedon, the biggest beta male to ever live. The author also dedicates her work to a bedfellow, which calls into question her sexuality. If you two don’t like men, yet like to read and write slash – you’re still straight. If a man turns you on, you’re straight.
“Trying to ignore how nice it felt to hold Wesker’s hand” – Oh, here we go.
“There was no need to further feminise himself” – He was already effeminate from the get-go. Don’t try to deny it.
Belts don’t hiss when you take them off. It’s not a snake.
Anal lube and condoms. Of course. But I have to ask: did either of them have a bowel movement? Because those are required, too.
“If he regularly banged dudes he was in good hands, right?” – Other gay men wondered the same. They are dead today from HIV/AIDS.
“Chris’ embarrassments were rarely logical” – I’ll say.
“Reacted to the pleasure” – Drink.
“As cheesy as that sounded” – This whole thing as more cheese than a whole packet of Velveeta put into a glass dish.
“Pain mixed with pleasure” – Drink.
“Pulled neck muscles” – I guess that’s not the only thing that’s big and veiny. Really kills the mood.
“The pleasure and pain” – Drink.
After that, I’d expect that toilet to be Chris’ golden throne, but alas, we’re not looking for realism here.
“It brought so much joy in the morning” – Not to mention diarrhea. Like bad Chipotle.
“Simple cascade of pleasure” – Drink.
“All together beautiful” – Female centrism.
“This sounds really girly” – That’s because you are female in all but body, Chris.
“That would be touchy” – PC in the 90’s. Yup.
“Chris seriously questioned his love life” – It’s his fault. He banged a guy he barely knew, and know, like a spurned woman, is asking why the person s/he had sex with doesn’t return his calls. Boo hoo. Maybe you should have built up a proper relationship with said individual? Besides, for all the description of Wesker being dark and mysterious, he’s anything but. He’s just the typical Englishman who’s snooty and has a stick – and another thing – up his ass. It’s not that hard to grasp, and you can stop passing this work off as serious or funny.
“Idiot was all it said” – In which the author is honest about her story.
“At least I have some honour” – Lol, no you don’t, Chris. You take risks and get angry when repercussions smack you in the face. He’s so dumb as to not take responsibility for anything, like a true gay man. How offensive.
“Tongues battling for dominance” – Cliché to the max. All you virgins use this idiom.
“Anyone tell you you’re a fucking tease?” – Fangirls do, because this shit turns them on.
“How much pleasure he would feel” – Drink.
“He’d begin to look and sound like a love-sick puppy” – That ship has sailed.
And, as par the course, Chris has a coming out event to his Uncle Sam. Subliminal message of gay men coming out in America? I believe so. Uncle Sam is written as the stereotypical bigoted Christian who voices his distaste for such a relationship, and Chris, defiant with modernist values, states that it is his body and his life. Sam neglects to mention that his precious nephew won’t live long in that lane of life.
“He didn’t want to hear such homophobic messages” – Shut up, bitch. We’ve heard enough. We have all heard how damn terrible LGBT lives are, even when it is THEIR OWN FAULT. They want to live that life? They can go right ahead – but they and their supporters can stop shoving it down our throats. Remember: those awful Christians and straights gave them life to begin with. Remember who made you.
“Just because he’s not always thinking about sex doesn’t make him gay” – In which Edward speaks some sense, but it is not enough for people like you who want to see every man on the street as gay. Wesker doesn’t give off gay vibes; only to you he does.
“He was bi-curious” – Oh for God’s sakes.
“I hate writing homophobes” – I hate reviewing ignorant homophiles who despise Christians but won’t touch any other religion. Joke’s on you.
Many of the chapters are useless filler. We have a New Year’s chapter that covered absolutely nothing, more female flirting with Chris (of which we know are to no avail) and more of that snarky shitlib attitude. Yes, I acknowledge this story is old. But your newer stories haven’t changed much, and I know that views espoused at early adulthood tend to stick there unless a huge upheaval happens. In your case, this upheaval has not happened.
DugFinn made an entire forum based on badly written gay sex and about the lives of two uninteresting, clichéd, soulless men. I’d think I’d rather read a saga about a drunk Turk riding on camels in the desert, picking up babes.
“Looked plain gorgeous like this” – Female centrism.
An Umbrella researcher commits suicide. Let me guess: it was because she couldn’t bear the brunt of the results of her research or Umbrella had put a hit on her. Not that hard to grasp, though the flashbacks with the oh-so-terrible death of Chris’ parents dogged it down. Oh well.
Wow. Chris tosses aside his own sister in favour of having sex with Wesker, the man he admits is a sociopath and uses him for sex but sleeps with anyways. What an asshole. Really. I’d never forgive my brother if he did that. You hate homophobes, but it is OK for a brother to neglect his sister when she was in a serious accident. Ho hum. I know where your values are.
You sent money to Pakistan, a country which shot down a bill protecting girls from forced marriage, but letting homo-centered fangirls by writing fanfiction. That is by far the most tragic and doubly hilarious thing I have ever read. Liberals. Never understand the meaning of cultural differences.
“He was male, anything could mean sex” – That’s a sexist thing to say. Like all men are animals and shouldn’t be given heed. If that statement was about women, I’d be hearing an entirely different speech.
“Pleasure and pain” – Drink.
“I want you to ride me” – If anything kills sex, it’s bad sex lines. This is one of them.
How many times are lips going to be chewed? They’re more chewed than zombie chow.
“Waves of pleasure” – Drink.
Cue more bad sex talk, bodily fluids, and unprotected sex that lead to that dreaded disease. Not that either of them care. It’s all about the sex. I don’t know why this pairing is so popular, but I reckon it’s because Wesker tingles many a female’s panties, and since they know they wouldn’t be interesting or charming enough to get with a man like him, they try another man. The quintessential female fantasy, with all the tropes, clichés, and horrible sex that bogs down Chick-Lit.
I’d be surprised, but this crap is all over Goodreads, and the published works are of no better quality than fanfiction. Not a badge to wear on your vest, I assure you.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 2 . 2/13
Chapters 7 – 13
Chapter Seven begins with a firearms training scene, though this would be pointless as all members are required to pass obligatory firearms tests before acceptance. We are, quite literally, in a scene that does not need to be there. I suppose you missed the importance of relevance, yes? Or cutting out things that are unimportant in an essay? I guess not.
“Biting his bottom lip” – The quintessential ‘I am a bottom’ move.
“They had been doing nothing at all” – In which the author is honest about her story.
And we’re going to have a sex scene, or at least some hardcore homoerotica, in the Wrestling Room. Cue ‘The Time is Now.’
“Wesker’s smell was intoxicating” – It must be that Old Spice.
Wait, Chris and Wesker are in the room, yet Brad is there, too. You mean to tell me he didn’t notice the gay romp going on? Or were you dumb enough not to fix that? I’m guessing it’s the latter.
“He wasn’t gay” – Don’t even start, honey. Every author that makes this proclamation immediately goes on the offense and proves that this isn’t the case. If he was straight, he wouldn’t be thinking like a horny gay teenager. Don’t tease us with the ‘He Liked Women’ Red Herring. We know he’s a butt blaster, so you might as well come out with it.
“He wasn’t homophobic” – A nice sign of your education. Every character has to be accepting of all love, regardless of age and gender, right? So where’s your support for child marriage? That’s a cultural practice in many countries, and if you refuse or object to that, you’re a racist. True to form, to show you’re not a homophobe, you proclaim your love of this practice in slash stories.
“He’d made out with a few (boys) in his youth” – Sexuality is fluid, unless you’re gay. If you’re gay it’s in cement and you can’t go back. But if you’re straight, you can lean gay or whatever because Reasons. Typical mealy mouthed dogma from an idiotic woman.
We have the Masturbation in the Shower cliché. These are everywhere. Can’t you fools come up with anything else?
Wesker gets shot, and we’re going to have nothing but chapters dedicated to Chris’s UNDYING LOVE FOR HIS SENPAI. WILL WESKER AWAKE? WILL HE CONFESS HIS FEELINGS? STAY TUNED.
Also ripped off from The Walking Dead. Nice going.
MissPumpkinHead helped you correct this, but she wasn’t bright enough to list the structural problems. You can paint a house ten times over, but if the foundation’s ruined, it all has to come down. The same applies to the literary field.
Wesker got shot in the arm. If it didn’t hit any arteries, there is no reason for as much drama as I’m seeing here. It’s a graze. All the hospital does is remove the bullet (if it is stuck in the tissue), disinfect the wound, stitch it, wrap it up, and send the patient home. Now, if he had been shot in the stomach, near the artery there, that would call for major surgery. Someone did not do basic research for sewing up wounds. Later on, you said there’s not much information. Bullshit. There’s plenty of information – but you didn’t bother to look. So damn typical.
“Not everyone accepts this” – You don’t say. Fort Lauderdale, San Francisco, Oregon and other cities that have large LGBT groups didn’t count? To add more insult to injury, you’re from my country – Canada. Yes, we legalized gay marriage in 2005, and since then, it hasn’t been enough to keep them quiet. I still see political milieu of ignorant women that have no idea what they are talking about.
Yes, Chris is a cheating bastard. He’s going after a man he barely knows; who is his superior, and who he desperately wants to fuck. That’s not love. That’s one-sided lust and which is a staple of homosexual literature – an oxymoron. By the way, it’s STRAIGHT, not STRAIT – the latter is a BODY OF WATER. You mean to tell me a damn university student can’t tell the difference? Shame on your professors!
“My sister is a lesbian” – Number one: we don’t care. Number two: this explains your predilection for your stories. Number three: she’ll go back to the D. Even lipstick lesbians still want it. Number four, you write worse than most English speakers, since you can’t remember how to spell Voltaire when you’re quoting from him.
Of fucking course, we have an entire chapter dedicated to the gay lifestyle, of which nothing is related to Resident Evil. No matter; I’ve got to deal with it, anyways.
“He’d be an awkward virgin all over again” – Speaking from experience?
“I don’t have time for teenage love games” – In which Wesker has a sliver of his real self.
Mindy takes the break-up well, which is a sign that the author has no idea how women really feel about their boyfriends changing teams. Mindy was obviously the Red Herring; she’s a simple plot device used as a stamp of, ‘See? This character is NOT gay!’ and later fades into obscurity as the character she was dating goes full Eric Rhodes. Then again, she didn’t know Chris. She only had two dates with him, had a one-night stand, and by the by had no real repertoire with him. She was the useless female character, because women just get in the way of sincere gay love. I guess this didn’t come to your mind.
Cue Jill, a bunch of punks with a ridiculously long name, and Umbrella getting ‘nervous’, when they could send someone like HUNK to shut them up. All you need is an inconvenient setting.
“Teeth clashed” – Ouch. You know that shit hurts, right?
The dreaded sex scenes will show, and therein lays the Drinking Game.
Looks like Jill is our new Red Herring: Chris flirts with her, but it’s obvious where he really wants to put his schlong.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 1 . 2/13
Chapters 1 – 6
Before we begin, let me state that this story was a request. Earlier, I had planned to review this on my own volition, but a simple prompt from a fellow Resident Evil fan brought me to this point. No matter what you think of that, you will endure the words I will write henceforth, and the things I point out will be a reflection of your failure to stay true to canon.
You write, ‘I’ll stay as close to canon as possible’, but it is clear that you have no intention of doing so. It’s a 200,000 word story about two men who are not gay, and who have extreme hatred towards each other, having a rump in the sheets; a perfect ‘I hate you but I love you’ cliché. I will also point out the many clichés and shortcomings of this story.
How curious that you quote JK Rowling on failure. I think that sets the standard, doesn’t it?
Chris chose retirement; his superiors didn’t let him go. He was an outstanding soldier yet butted heads with them due to what he felt were their shortcomings on missions. In this case, though, it is that of a spurned soldier. We have our first instance of OOCness. Second, Chris questions why his parents left him when you wrote a sentence earlier that they had died. How does he wonder where they went when both he and Claire knew they were dead? I guess he asks dumb questions as he does in the game.
“Now Chris really felt like shit” – So would I, if I were paraded in this setting like the dumb dog that he is. Every action screams cliché to me: the discharged soldier, every bit a coward and disgrace that he is, walks home in defeat, and sees his sister, the apple of his eye, breaking away from him. Cue his emergence to STARS and his future love Albert Wesker. Le sigh. I already know where this is going.
“You mean Umbrella’s pet city?” – At this time, Umbrella did not have the sinister picture that STARS remembers it for. It transformed an empty ghost town into a modern city in a few decades. If anything, his view of Umbrella would be neutral. At that point, it was just a pharmaceutical company.
“I figured you were jealous of the intimacy” – I think we know where this is going.
PS – you misspell ‘Voltaire’. Now, I usually don’t grate on spelling and grammar errors – it’s the Author’s simple role of fixing them – but come on. You mean to tell me you didn’t do a precursory check? Tsk tsk.
And we have the cliché of ‘Strange Homeless Person That Speaks Incoherently But Turns Out to Be Telling The Truth.’ Or, the Bum Prophet cliché.
“I think Chris is bisexual” – He isn’t, but that’s not going to stop homo-porn charged idiots like yourself from writing it, anyways. Maybe he’s rock-sexual, too, since he can’t stop punching boulders, eh?
“The dreaded heterosex” – Oh, no! The very thing that allows the creation of human beings! Tell me, dear, what does happen to semen in the rectum? Can you tell me?
To add salt to the wound, we have the ever-apparent gay jokes, such as the Gay General trope (fun fact: gay men adore stories that allow them a chance at heterosexual men). Plus, the bar is described as relatively quiet, but you have four off-duty cops being raucous. That’s not quiet or relative at all.
You don’t send in police to high-tech labs. You send in the special forces. If it’s a chemical lab or biohazard lab, you have to have specialists. You mean to tell me Barry and an Average Joe managed to get into one of their labs? Extremely unlikely. Not to mention they didn’t even start investigating Umbrella until the Arklay murders in 1998. For ‘convenience’, you skip a year, but it’s clear that you can’t create a formula in which the story will adhere to. You’re what the commoner calls, ‘Wingin’ It’.
“He wasn’t immune to bodily needs” – In which starts the cliché of the obviously gay man having a stint with a woman, who is tossed aside because the woman is obviously a slut and that’s all the good women are for. How eloquent.
The bar slut has a name – Mindy – and she has a drunken one-night stand with Chris. What great developments for both characters, and which is another tic on the cliché belt. These instances are all the rage in Chick Lit stories, and this also extends to your story. It’s Chick Lit that happens to have Resident Evil stamped on. She’s Brian Irons secretary, the one who gets creeped out at all the gnarly pictures he collects. Does she end up as part of his human taxidermy collection? I dare say that would be far more interesting than this story.
STARS was created in order to combat serious crimes and quasi-terrorist activities in the city. Irons had already picked its leader, and you wrote Chris singing up for a unit that had no leader – which really doesn’t make sense if you look at it closely. Was he, or was he not, a part of STARS for more than five months? Where was Wesker during this time? Or any other character from the game?
“Our hands touched and you shocked me” – The ‘It’s Love at First Touch’ cliché.
“Chris blushed and looked away” – You’re not even trying, are you?
More shameful is that you were a university student studying history. I guess you didn’t pick up the practice of research and collecting notes, eh?
“I’m thinking I fucked it up...” – In which a character is honest about the story.
“Isn’t Chris’ pose the gayest thing you’ve ever seen?” – Someone has snorted the Rainbow powder a tad bit too hard.
“Chris was upset that the greatest moment of his life was ruined by a dick in sunglasses” – So far, every word that’s come out of Chris’ mouth is akin to a child going through a temper tantrum. He doesn’t like doing paperwork, and he hates stacking boxes. He signed up for STARS and yet didn’t, and he can’t stop getting boners at Wesker. If anything comes out of this, it is that Chris is your insert, but you’re too ‘good’ to put in a Mary Sue. At least with a Mary Sue we know it’s going to be bad. These stories have the illusion of competency.
“I think I screwed everything up!” – I’ll say, Chris. You’re such a wreck you could be the iceberg that sank the Titanic. You’re just awkward and always in the way, and people are too busy playing with fireworks to avoid you.
So far, the most detail I am getting out of this is Wesker’s pen twirling, his mousse, and home cooking, all of which ordinary people do not give two shits about. I suspect that as I go further along, this will continue to deteriorate like the flesh on a zombie. Luckily, I’ve got a Grimes revolver on my side.
| Necronon chapter 45 . 11/8/2015
It's been almost five years since I've been slinking around FF, or the internet much at all, so I was immensely surprised and pleased to see that you've not only continued this, but finished it and plan to create a sequel.
That's pretty intense.
That aside, I wanted to wish you well and the best of luck. I'm curious to see the direction you choose to go with the plot.
| Dandyline chapter 45 . 8/3/2015
Great story! But does anybody know if the sequel was ever written?
| Oracle Oci chapter 30 . 7/2/2015
Good moods are meant to be suddenly (and cruelly) ruined!
It used to be I would get paranoid at the slightest sign of things going a little too well for the characters in a fanfic. But last year has been all about OP charas of ambiguous morality so denial caught on to me on this one, was all "hahah I'm sure nothing will happen - they have plenty of time, right?!" then BAM that chapter ending :D Much love!
| Oracle Oci chapter 28 . 6/28/2015
Heh, I love it when characters lie/are lied to! It just adds this extra dimension to the plot, regardless of weather the reader can actually tell what they did or not, to look forward to later :D
(I went and read their full wiki chara pages before starting this fic lol)
| Skyray chapter 20 . 6/7/2015
"Wesker was probably only capable of missing his sunglasses" - ROFL, you saw the chance and took it! :D awesome line xD
| Skyray chapter 13 . 6/7/2015
HOT! o w o
Sure warmed me up pretty quickly on this winter night :D
| Skyray chapter 11 . 6/7/2015
Yesss! but then noooo- how could you! xD lol love it :D
| Skyray chapter 8 . 6/7/2015
Always confused when come to these kind of existential angst in fanfics; makes me wonder if the characters can't accept the fact they're not completely strait or if they are treating sexuality as a binary strait-or-gay thing unnecessary in the first place lol :P
That said, I'm sure it's just a crush/admiration at this point, Chris! Don't get caught starring at him in the near future and you'll be fine! Hehehe :3
| PyqaFanGirl chapter 22 . 4/13/2015
Ooohhh man it's just sooo god damn cute! And I cant imagine Wesker saying something like sparkles...õ-õ