|Reviews for Regret|
| roxyxkarkat chapter 1 . 8/16
| DarkToLight chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
I decided to review here instead of on ... Hope you don't mind XD
I agree with AE about absurdly. I have a similar problem with the word "murmured". Sometimes characters can murmur an entire conversation It's tough.
However, The rest of it I really liked. You really managed to paint a picture of both June's feelings and the place around her as she saw it, it really made me feel like I was watching the scene unfold, hearing the thoughts inside her head.
As for a more solid critique... I'd have to sit down and pick it apart and right now I don't really have the time " sorry. If you want me to be your beta reader for any future HS fanfics I'd be happy to, though!
| auditoryeden chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Hmm...where to start...
you gained brownie points for use of the word "Absurdly". You lost them again (and more) for overuse of the word "absurdly".
This was, and believe me when I say I am looking for a nicer way to put this, a very, very, very dry piece of writing. Your style is too wordy for one-shots with no dialogue. Furthermore, you use lots of run-on sentences, and reiterate points five or six times in one statement. This only adds to the dryness. And the ending didn't seem in keeping with the rest of the vignette. I have been known to do the same thing myself, but really, I had to skip whole paragraphs because you lost sight of your topic by the end of a single sentence.
As far as stuff on this site goes, however, it was pretty good, and you have real potential to be a very engaging author...with a wee bit off work.
Hugs and Kisses,