|Reviews for Right of Conscription|
| Aeir-Ravenia chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
I suggest you get a friend or beta to make sure your lines aren't.. so.. game-ish. You know, like, according to the game? Use your own lines. It'd be more realistic that way.
| Jason of Light chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
I love how you played with the Human Noble Origins, and made it more dramatic, but I believe Nan did die, as well as Lady Landra, Iona, and Dairren, and what's his name in the library. Not sure about Lady Mallol though. Though since this is not going to follow the usual plot, it is possible you wrote it out that they have indeed escaped and will appear later to give some morale support for Elissa.
I'm a little sad Fergus doesn't join the party though.
As far as Jowan being part of the party, he was originally supposed to join you but the deadline made it impossible to add so they cut it from the game.
As far as pairings go, I'll list what I feel I fancy.
F!Cousland x Alistair, M!Amell OR M!Surana x Morrigan, F!Amell x Cullen or Jowan, F!Aeducan x Gorim (though Aeducan x Brosca makes more sense to me), F!Tabris x Zevran, M!Mahariel x Liliana.
Also, I'm a little sad Duncan always seems to die. He was such a nice father figure, but it's a necessary evil for Alistair to grow. If this leads where I think it will, he definitely needs to deal the final blow to the Archdemon.
I do hope you include the Idle Party Chats as well as the sidequests that are along the way of the main quest.
By the way, who is Ser Cauthrien again? I haven't been playing the game for very long.
| Lalaith Raina chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
Found you from the Swooping community on LJ! :
I like that your Cousland isn't quite the good little noble. She's badass and rebellious, and I'll be interested to see how that goes on. I always felt like my Cousland would be playful in private (close friends and family) but very proper in public. I grinned that you made your girl snarky and unashamed.
One thing I have to remark on, though, is perhaps slimming down your writing? An easy trap to fall into (which I fall into a /lot/ when trying to write in a game fandom) is that you use a lot of the game dialogue and plot lines, and it can be a bit dull. No matter how you try to make it fun, when you're going straight game dialogue on a part everyone will know, it's predictable. Maybe skip ahead in parts and just hint at what happened in between? Or cut/change some things. Keep the readers on their toes. :
I don't want to discourage your story, and I hope I don't come across as picky and rude! I think you have a really clever idea here, using all the "origins" in one. It has a ton of potential - like how they'll get along, for starters! Who will get with Alistair (winkwink nudgenudge ;D), who will get the leadership position, so on and so forth. I hope you stick with it and I'll be interested to watch it grow!
| neaira.awakened chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
OH HI MOLLY WEASLEY. ;) Or, even, "get away from her, you bitch" from Aliens.
I really like this!