|Reviews for The Light Landers: Book One: The Dark Landers|
| Starzinmieyez chapter 5 . 11/24/2010
I read this all the way through and I love it! I also understood the french- 22 chapters? Wow, that's pretty long :) Update soon!
| Aquaman52 chapter 3 . 1/17/2010
Okay, right off the bat, there's something that grabbed me: I know he kinda jumped out at them, but still...Kayela didn't recognize her own father right away? I can understand the other cubs being afraid, but I would think Kayela at least would be comfortable around her dad...remember how Simba was completely oblivious to Scar's malicious attitude towards him, just because Scar was his uncle? Something like that would've gone well here.
I can kinda see what the other reviewer was talking about with the following of the Lion King plot...but honestly, I don't think it's really a problem right now. I mean, it's not too hard to imagine that the lions in other lands would have the same kind of traditions as the Pridelanders...although if Night Rock is supposed to look just like Pride Rock, then we might have a problem. I'll assume it isn't, and by that hope that I won't find any other reason to complain later on.
Hey, another Frenchie! Isn't high school French just EXHILARATING? I mean, the way we keep doing those workbook pages over and over again...God, if it were any more exciting, I might not even play Zombieville under the desk for the whole class!
...Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of French class. But I like the language, so I'll try and speak a bit of it...ce chapitre peut utiliser un peu de travail, mais j'aime tes caractères et j'espère que j'aime le chapitre prochain aussi! Jusque-là...
| Aquaman52 chapter 2 . 1/17/2010
Okay, before I start, I feel like I should pass on a...warning, if you will. I don't pull punches in reviews. What that means is, I'm compliment the good aspects of a chapter I read, but I'll also point out where I think some improvements could be made, and also parts that I may just not like at all. This doesn't mean I hate you or the story...I'm just being honest. So with that in mind, let's get started.
First off, I like the concept of there being other lands in the TLK world besides the ones we already know, although judging by a couple other reviews I read for this chapter I'm a little bit leery about whether or not you'll just be rehashing parts from the two movies. It doesn't look like you did that in this chapter, though, so we're all good there.
I can't say I like the heavy Warriors influence when it comes to the names of the cubs (sure, they're both about cats, but I think we can agree that they're fairly different in both theme and setting), but that's probably more of a personal preference thing...so I guess I can't really blame you for me not really liking the book series (I tried to read one of the books...never really got into it. Go figure.). What I do like, though, is the narrative tone that Kayela uses. It definitely gives us a window into the type of lion she is, which is exactly what you want your prose to do in a first-person story. So good job there.
Okay, another thing another reviewer said caught my eye: your tendency to trail off at the end of the chapter. I'll agree with what MadAboutStories said about cliffhanger endings, and I'll also add that whenever you want to add a pause like that anyway, you should only ever use three dots in the ellipsis. Anything else is kinda like putting more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence: unnecessary, and occasionally annoying.
Okay, I think that's it for this chapter. I'll try to get to the other two tonight, but I can't promise anything seeing as I'm supposed to be in bed...but then again, I can count the number of times that's stopped me from reading on one finger. So expect to hear from me again soon.
| MonoHell chapter 4 . 1/17/2010
I'v read a fair few books in my life and only a few I have truely enjoyed. And fewer moreso than this. Amazing is proberbly the only word to describe this unfinished series. I write this listening to the broadway sound track and it fits perfectly. This is my first review of this series so for everyone else who has reviewd his might seem a bit starange. From what I gather and having an extensive lion king knowladge I gess that this part of the story and the few chapters preciding this one are set during the reign of Mufazsa as the king of the pridelands, as that would allow simba to grow up and kiara to be mentioned as a part of he story (are kiara and kovu together in this story) if this is the case. I love it even more and I am awaiting your next installment. I only have one issiue the story line sems alot
like the Disney movies. Is this some sort of ingenious plot line? Or is another cliffhanger?
Awaiting your next masterpiece
| MadAboutStories chapter 4 . 1/17/2010
Ooh, interesting. You described Kayela's reaction to seeing the Kingdom well. Another unknown lion... good cliffhanger but you don't need ... after speech, even if it is a cliffhanger. So, instead of: "It's very dangerous," ... I think it would sound/look better with, "It's very dangerous." Then, just abruptly end the chapter, which would make the reader want the next chapter more. :) Bring on chapter cinq! ;)
| MadAboutStories chapter 3 . 1/12/2010
Once again, great chapter with good use of description techniques. A little bit of constructive critism: Rivertalon seems to be a very powerful looking character. I can understand the cubs being scared and in awe of him. But Kayela is his daughter, so she'd probably know him well enough to not be scared enough. As she said, he's "the kindest lion you'll ever meet" which sort of contradicts itself when she's scared of him before that. I'd just like to repeat that I love the names you give your characters. :D So, all in all, great chapter!
P.S: You only need ... amount of full stops to do that kind of cliffhanger. Not all cliffhangers have to be like that- the chapter can stop after someone's entered or just spoken, anything goes. :)
| XxKittyKat-NitaXx chapter 3 . 1/11/2010
This is great love the story can't wait for you to make more :)
| lionlionkinglover23495u chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
i LOVE this first chapter, even though it is short, i still really like! great job!
| MadAboutStories chapter 2 . 1/9/2010
Continuing with French, Chapter Deux C'est tres bien. The names for all your new characters must have taken you a long time to come up with- they're all very interesting and different. One bit of constructive critism, you start off when Kayela was born and being presented but then the story suddenly jumps to her talking in the cave with her mother. I've either misread something or a short passage in time has taken place. You could make this more clear by missing a line when it comes to the time change and typing * so readers will not get confused. Great chapter... wonder who the lion is...
| MadAboutStories chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
I hope you continue with this as it's intriguing so far. I love the title, very unique. The ending was good too, you left the reader wanting more. I like it! :)
| ItsACharmedLife chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
i think it would be a good story
update it! lol