Reviews for First Dragoon
Derek Leach chapter 1 . 2/8
Dude, when are you going to add more chapters? This story so far is fantastic, I love all the characterizations and I would like to see what you do with Kanzas since he's fucking awesome. Shirley was going to be a very complex character, so it makes sense that you would make here complex in this story. This is very well written, and I can't wait to read more. POST IT ALREADY!
ArcaneMaverick chapter 10 . 4/22/2013
You know I actually read these chapters backwards. Yup, started with this and read my way in reverese. I felt you got better as time went on, which is natural of course. The opening chapters had parts were it was unclear what was happening from an action standpoint. I also felt things were much more interesting in the later chapters.

I must say everything seems to be very accurate regarding character personalities. While I understand Rose and Zieg's portrayals, I'm not a fan of them for separate reasons. Rose, I just can't relate to because I don't have anything similar to her experience since she is basically empty and full of nothing. Zieg's just an ass and I find I don't like him. I didn't like Zieg much in canon anyway. However, Shirley seems to be the focal point for most of this.

OH god, Charle. I want to kill her in the most humiliating way possible. She's such a huge bitch.

Syuveil is my favorite probably because I relate to him the most. He's independent, intelligent and introspective while maintaining strength. I almost wish he ended up with Rose instead because Zieg's macho postering it a terrible trait, so it was good he was taken down a notch by Rose. But, with him, he'd probably brush it off and try again. I only see them getting in love because he's so doggedly determined rather than any worthwhile connection.

I'd say your weaknesses are writing actiony/combat scenes. They are clunky or miss details that make us go "Wait, what just happened? To who?"

Can I say how badass it was that Kanzas killed a dragon by PUNCHING it?! Awesome.
WickedScribe chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
This is really good. The writing flows great! Also, you're really creative. I thought that was a pretty cool idea to explain the dragoon armor.
Kasidy92 chapter 10 . 6/12/2012
I'm really liking where this story is going. Even though this is based on the little information that the game gives about the Dragon Campaign, you've built such a extensive world in the chapters you've written. The characters are all believable. The world you've created seems so real. Excellent job so far! (P.S. You've inspired me to make my own lengthy LoD fanfic, and for that, I thank you _)
Breezybiatch chapter 10 . 5/16/2012
This chapter was perfect. I could go on forever, but I must sleep now.
Neesha chapter 10 . 3/18/2012
I love the interaction with Kanzas and Shirley, most amusing character interaction.
BlossomStorm chapter 7 . 2/13/2012
Okay, I've been reading your story and I just couldn't wait another minute to review it! Woooooowwwwwww! You've REALLY got a talent for writing. I'm swept away by your prose, truly! In fact, I was reading this on my cell phone (at work ...) and missed doing some of my duties because I was so totally engrossed in the story! I'm well-read, and it takes a truly masterful author and an engaging story to make me do that!

Your characterizations are fantastic, particularly Zieg. I've always contemplated his personality from his caveat appearances in the game, and I think you've done an absolutely wonderful job of portraying him as a mortal man, a powerful warrior, a lover, a future father, etc etc. ... I've always sort of seen Zieg as an arrogant ass (LOL) and at times, Dart appears that way in the game as well, so I think you've illustrated some of Dart's fieriness in his father's younger self. BRAVO!

The description of how the dragoons meet Rose is interesting, and even more fascinating is her past. She's mysterious even as a young woman! I'm glad you kept this side of Rose. It's what makes her an endearing, multi-faceted character. I do love how you've kept Charle's irritating cordial personality and I'm curious to see how she develops in her role as the dragoons' ally. However, I find it hard to believe that Rose just gives up her life with Charle that easily. ... It seemed a bit off for her to just leave after a conversation. I was expecting something a little more epic, knowing Rose and Zieg (thus far).

Or, maybe I just need to read on? LOL

A few other parts of the story (thus far) have left me raising an eyebrow, though ... some parts appear disjointed and confusing. Maybe breaking them up with some dialogue would work? The sections where present is woven in with backstory are particularly confusing.

Also, you've fallen victim to one of the things which make most editors gnash their teeth in irritation (trust me, I work in a copy office, haha) ... the adding "-ly" to verbs and gerunds ... Instead of "smilingly" you could say, "... Zieg said, with a grin." Or, better yet, "... Zieg said, grinning."

But those are really the only complaints I have, so I guess I'm not really complaining. Carry on! I'm dying to know more!
delightfullyvague chapter 9 . 2/3/2012
Can I just press a giant "1" to all the reviews thus far?
delightfullyvague chapter 8 . 2/3/2012
It is both exhilarating and puzzling to be reading a story in which Rose is perceived as somewhat of a damsel, though I can't say I dislike the antithesis. Knowing what we know of her now, it's delightful to see it presented almost as a coming of age story. The imagery is at the same time vivid and just vague enough to let me set the scene myself. It's immersive in a way I haven't experienced with fanfiction in a long time. I can't say I was expecting to find it here, but I'm not regretting the trek one bit.
Raindog Bride chapter 10 . 12/18/2011
i would like the record to state that i read this four times.

four.

s.
Psi-liloquy chapter 9 . 12/7/2011
Superior chapter, kjanuary. I truly cannot wait to see where this tale goes. We know the destination - it ends in tears and tragedy - but the journey is what we're reading, and your beautifully rendered world is only outdone by your superior characterization. Each Dragoon shines forth as brilliantly as their spirits.

Zieg and Rose's romance, one-sided now, is sure to be one of the great Shakespearean tragedies. I truly cannot wait to see it unfold.
Psi-liloquy chapter 8 . 10/17/2011
I can't wait for the next installment. Seriously! Keep writing!
Breezybiatch chapter 8 . 8/12/2011
As much as I enjoy Z's Naruto-hyper-like character... I- I wish to see Sy kick his ass some. Is that not strange? It is as if he were driven by his hormones above all. I sense the adoration (but superficiality)he has for R, but I want more. I believe her character deserves more. That sort of passion burns up quick- it lacks depth. There is also no foundation to his "love", just dreams and looks. I have a feeling you are aware of this, too. Are you doing this on purpose?

The twist to R's character is very good. I can't recall a character like her (as you describe her- lacking emotion- lacking identity/compassion) as you have created her. It piques my curiosity, now I MUST continue reading.
PopTartsUnite chapter 8 . 8/12/2011
"Has proposed marriage and been rejected", hahaha! I was reading a scientific listing and this threw me so off, it's made my day. He is very adorable to have written this way.
EvaCybele chapter 8 . 8/12/2011
I kind of want to smack Zieg. He's being a complete moron about Rose.

Syuveil is a very interesting narrator - I like how his journal entries are written like they're supposed be objective, but then he gets all starry-eyed over Rose. And grumps about Zieg. He's cute when he's grumpy.

Loved the descriptions of the fight with the Black Dragon and Rose's transformation. It had a very creepy feel to it, very appropriate for the element in question. You have a talent for creating atmosphere - I'm really jealous!
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