Reviews for Break To Breathe
Demon King Piccolo chapter 50 . 6/4/2012
This is one hell of a story. In all the years I've been reading fanfiction, I think I've only ever read one other story like this.

The amount of detail and work you put into this story is, frankly, astonishing. You kept the suspense and tension tightly woven, but there's little doubt in my mind that your strongest trait is the ability to put details into words. Numerous times while reading this, I found myself easily being able to imagine the scenes you've written. This includes (maybe even emphasize) the fighting scenes, which are typically very difficult to do due to, of course, the nature of fight scenes in Naruto fanfiction.

On the other hand, I also feel your weak points is transition and pacing. The amount of detail you put into character development is incredible and it helps in painting a vivid picture of the characters you designed, but often, I feel you don't spread it out well and instead choose to clump them into easily seen segments. At first, it works as expected, but later on when the plot began to pick up and the action became more involved, it often feels like a 'rollercoaster' in which the action would die down and jump up frequently, which, personally, I feel has a jarring effect.

But of course, all of this is just my opinion. Overall, I found your story to be an immensely enjoyable read. My highest commendations to you!
diorgy chapter 45 . 6/1/2012
you're really wonderful. this chapter made me cry so hard, it's very touching especially with Shikamaru's 'I want you' roaring. 3 with much love, do continue to make more. ( :
enchanted nightingale chapter 50 . 5/28/2012
loved it!
Adamantyne chapter 50 . 5/27/2012
(First semi-chapter)

Gods, this was sad! And romantic in a weird way... and cute and...

I hate you xD!

(Second semi-chapter)

Awww! Heart breaking! I can't believe this is actually the last chapter! You've taken me on quite a journey!

(Third semi-chapter)

Again, spot on with the metaphores. You're really good at putting things into perspective as you did with the smoking habit and Shikamarus Neji habbit.

(Seventh semi-chapter)

I'm happy to see that things are brightening for Shikamaru. I wonder if that bird is going to stick with him forever, it's a possibiblity I guess...

(Eighth semi-chapter)

And Neji found peace...

Well, I, for one, am pleased with the ending. It wasn't too open and it didn't leave too many unanswered questions. It wasn't a happy ending, but it wasn't sad either (which is rather impressive actually).

I've really enjoyed this story, which I hope is noticeable in my reviews.

Keep on writing; you've really got a talent for it :)
Adamantyne chapter 49 . 5/27/2012
(Third semi-chapter)

Interesting interaction between Neji and Shikamaru. The way it was 'delivered' made it hard for me to predict whether there will be something more between them in time as Neji seems rather determined to keep everything locked away or at the very least hidden.

(Fifth semi-chapter)

Lol, I thougth it was something serious with Ino and then she was just going on about his damn hair again!

I'd hate to be friends with Kotetsu, but I love reading about him. You've made a really funny character of him xD!

(Sixth semi-chapter)

Hiashi's strange. I can't figure out his motives and why he is so keen to know what kind of realtionship there is between Shikamaru and Neji.

(Seventh semi-chapter)

What did Neji expect? That everything would be easier if he went to see him one last time? That he just needed one last shot and that it would be able to tame his addiction? Yeah, bad move...

(Eighth semi-chapter)

I feel sorry for the two. And I'm looking forward to read the next chapter to see what will happen. I'm kind of hoping for a happy ending for this one, but it seems you're not going to indulge me xD!
Adamantyne chapter 48 . 5/26/2012
(First semi-chapter)

I don't know what's up with me at the moment. I can never think of something to write and I really want to write something to give you a proper response to the story, but the words slip away before I can catch them. It sucks!

I'm glad some of the pieces fell into place for Shikamaru, I hope that his slip will him some sort of rest at least.

(Second semi-chapter)

Lol! It's always Neji thinking about all the dirty things they've done together xD! And it seems the pieces are starting to fall into place for Neji too. So far the end of all this seems okay :)

(Third semi-chapter)

Yay! I've been waiting for you to give me some more bird xD! And it's getting better and beginning to trust him! Ugh, how did I become attached to that fucking bird? -_-'

(Fourth semi-chapter)

Ahh, finally a bit of justice for Hinata and partly thanks to Neji (and her infatuation with Naruto). I don't know why, but everytime she accomplishes something, I'm kind of proud and this goes for the series too, of course xD!

Hmmm... I'm contemplating whether or not to read the next chapter today, but if I do I'd probably finish the story, which could actually be good since I have a huge ass assignment due Tuesday that I've barely begun writing (courtesy of this story primarily). Then again, if I stop now it's only to chapters tomorrow...
Adamantyne chapter 47 . 5/26/2012
(First and second semi-chapter)

Great interaction between Asuma and Shikamaru. I would've done things differently with the falshback, though. Something like "He didn't see Asuma's eyes flicker and widen the 10 year old memory those words provoked." Or "at the memory that streched ten years back"... You get my point? Instead of writing it in the next semi-chapter, I would've made it an active part of the story :)

(Fifth semi-chapter)

Yet again the story devoured me and prevented me from writing down as I read. The conversation between Shikamaru and Asuma was... rewarding. It settled a lot of things and it was just plain awesome.

I really envy you for your ability to write this stuff, I wish I could do the same. However, I think reading might be my call xD!
Adamantyne chapter 46 . 5/26/2012
OMGZ! I've only got three more chapters to go! Unless you really... REALLY fuck the ending up, you can count on my reviews for the sequel :D

(First semi-chapter)

Again, spot on with the memories. So moving!

(Second semi-chapter)

Again with the poetry, but I'll shut up about it from now on. I think I've mentioned it enough times by now (and I don't mean to bash you, it's just not my style).

O-oh! Neji (almost) got busted. I wonder if Shikamaru's parents saw him, in that case they've both got a lot of explaining to do xD!

(Third semi-chapter)

That was a really noble thing of Shikaku to do... cover Neji's eyes. Especially considering that said person had broken into his house, attacked his son and the run off into 'his' forest.

(Fourth semi-chapter)

I'm repeating myself a lot so far xD! Again I would like to commend you for your ability to drag the reader into the mind of your characters. The dialogue in this chapter was awesome, like last time you make the pieces of conversation understandable without giving too much away.

(Sixth semi-chapter)

Wow, Neji has certainly re-evaluated his way to show pride. To actually admit that Shikamaru pulled him away from the edge... I'm not sure I could've done that,

(Eighth semi-chapter)

I'm glad that Hiashi could open Neji's eyes and that he hopefully took away some of his grudge against his father. It warms my heart everytime someone acknowledges Hinata. I think it's a shame what her father is doing to her. Way to go, Neji!

(Ninth semi-chapter)

LOL! I can't believe that Asuma actually recruited a 'blood hound'! Well played xD!

Okay, I thought this chapter was a bit 'heavy' and I can't figure if it's just me. It probably is, I seldom like the ending where all the threads become unraveled xD!
Adamantyne chapter 45 . 5/26/2012
(First semi-chapter)

I've just now read the first few lines - INTENSE (as always). There's really not much else to say, it was very close to perfection. The dialogue was incredible!

(Third semi-chapter)

I didn't manage to write anything down while I read this. I couldn't tear my eyes away from this chapter.

"You break me apart…but you're all I can breathe…" - Does Neji have to be so poetic? lol! And that's really the only critique I can give to this - it was a bit too emotional for me.

The dialogue was amazing as usual.

When Neji found Shikamaru's weakness - that was awesome work on your part.

God, if I get too used to this stanard I'll have trouble finding new stories xD!
Adamantyne chapter 44 . 5/26/2012
(First semi-chapter)

This bird bi-plot is really good actually. I'm surprised that I actually like the bird. Seriously, why do I like a fictional bird? lol

(Second semi-chapter)

Seriously, that monk is creeping me out! He had a good point, though. It seems it got through to Neji.

(Third semi-chapter)

I could almost feel the tension as I read this one. I really don't like Hyugas! I really like your Shikaku by the way, I don't know much about him, but he seems believable.

(Sixth semi-chapter)

Amazing scene with Ino. A lot of ends got tied up in that one. Seriously, how can people keep blaming him for those flowers? It's not like he could've done anything when he wasn't home xD!

(Seventh semi-chapter)

Shit is officially about to hit the fan xD! I'd be terrified, especially considering what I'd done to him.
Adamantyne chapter 43 . 5/26/2012
(First semi-chapter)

Ah, nice to be back in Konoha. How kind of you to finally give my strained brain a bit of rest xD!

(Second semi-chapter)

Well, I'm certain Neji's threat about what would happen to Shikamaru when he woke up was sincere. Shikamaru's fucked!

(Third semi-chapter)

Wow, emotional and really good. I can see why he wanted to bring the bird with him, though I probably wouldn't have if had i been him. I'm a crappy loser and I probably wouldn't risk losing twice. In a way I guess he did win with Neji, but the backfire turned it into a loss. And animals just react differently, there'd be no way to tell if that bird would ever give up.

(Fourth semi-chapter)

Way to go, Shikaku! There's nothing worse than returning home to a scolding when you really just want to relax. Especially if what you returned home from was as bad as that of Shikamaru.

(Sixth-seventh semi-chapter)

I see the roles are reversed now - Shikamaru with nightmares and trouble breathing.

I don't know if this ninju shotai is part of the series, I haven't gotten to Shippuden yet, but I'm getting really curious about it xD!
Adamantyne chapter 42 . 5/26/2012
(First and second semi-chapter)

Angsty. You did an amazing job with this. The way you explain their thoughts and describe their struggle is incredible. You're very talented :)

(Third semi-chapter)

Oh, shit! I don't know much about blood thinners, but I can't imagine you'd be able to thicken his blood quickly enough for it to coagulate (I have no idea how to spell that) before he bleeds out. The only solution I can come up with would be a blood transfusion, but I can't see how they would make it in time for that.

(Fourth semi-chapter)

Ah, Hibari got closure and in some way, I guess Kitori did too. Now the only critical problem is Neji.

(Fifth semi-chapter)

It seems that Hanegakure will get back on track and that everyone has accepted their newfound liberty. And fortunately Neji isn't dead yet.

(Sixth semi-chapter)

Lol! Poor Naruto, I wonder why those birds like him so much. Perhaps they can sense fear like dogs and cats xD!

I wonder what favor Shikamaru is going to ask Hibari. I really like him, but I still don't have a clue as to why he likes Sakura, though I supposed it could be a match xD!

(Seventh semi-chapter)

Oh, Lee! Once again I would like to thank you for putting Lee in this fic. Awesome! I can imagine Lee running around with a camera and annoying the hell out of everyone with annoying snap shots xD!

Hibari is certainly not being shy about his infatuation. Sheesh, he can be blunt xD!

The scene with Maki hugging Shikamaru and Shikamaru giving her that charm was so cute. I hope she'll remember her sad friend with angelic eyes.

And yet again I laughed out loud, this time when Kiba's precious owl crapped on him. hahaha xD!

(Eigth semi-chapter)

Hmm... Akamaru is real sweet, he seems genuinly concerned. I can't help but wonder if Hinata and Sakura know anything about Shikamaru and Neji's relationship. I guess, they don't...

(Tenth semi-chapter)

Whaaat? What just happened with the old monk? Fuck, I would've been scared shitless were I Shikamaru xD!
Adamantyne chapter 41 . 5/26/2012
(First semi-chapter)

The beginning was so intense. Neji's response was amazingly written. If I were him I would've beeen broking. Finally Neji actually trusted someone and then that someone turns his back on him. I'd never forgive Shikamaru regardless of his motives. That was cruel.

It was brave of them to set fire to the tunnel by the way, in his state there would've have been a good chance that he hadn't made it out. Atleast he managed to underline his strength and pride in that palm rotation.'

(Second semi-chapter)

I'll admit, I had tears in my eyes as I read the parting about Neji fighting to stay conscious.

I'm so proud of Neji in a twisted kind of way. I really respect this character. And I wonder

what he told Shikamaru.

(Third semi-chapter)

Fuck, I'm worried! Thankfully, I can almost safely assume that Neji won't die, but fuck!

This is... I can't even explain it in words. SO GOOOD!

(Fourth semi-chapter)

Seriously! Hibari's got worse sense of occation than me, which says quite a lot xD!

It must be hard for Shikamaru to continue on like nothing happened.

"Hibari's smile cracked into a chuckle and he limped across the apron, halting awkwardly when Lee bolted out of the Temple and offered to carry him – which didn't happen."

Oh, Lee. You are SUCH a cutie pie :*

""You killed me…before this could…"" That must've HURT! Ouch!

(Fifth semi-chapter)

It was heart warming to read about Maki brushing his hair. You've really pinned the innocence of children perfectly.

My immediate response to the ending of this was fuck, fuck, FUCK! I'm guessing it's Kitori, I hope she still likes him enough not to hurt him!

(Seventh semi-chapter)

Oh, God! Kitori practically raped him! That must've been awful to just lie there and not be able to do anything. I feel sorry for her. She and Neji are a lot alike, they've just reacted in different ways.

(Eigth semi-chapter)

Again, I love your children. And... awesome!
Adamantyne chapter 40 . 5/25/2012
Omg, I really hate myself for not reviewing each semi-chapter, this was AMAZING!

Wow! I am amazed by your ability to create fight scenes and the whole mission is just amazingly orchestrated! Especially the scene with the mosaic and the chakra - I never would've thought of that myself.

Lol, Hibari's crush on Sakura was so unexpected. You really threw me off with that one xD!

It was so well-digested, it just blew my mind!

Again, I should've written down while I read because now most of it is blurred together. The last scene with Shikamaru and Neji was... touching. And I really hate Shikamaru for what he is doing. He's gonna crush Neji!

Adamantyne chapter 39 . 5/25/2012
Well, I've been reading this in bit, so my review might be a bit jumbled.

I loved the scene between Hinata and Neji. It was nice that they finally settled things between them and that Neji recognized her for who she was and not who she was supposed to be.

And it was nice with a chapter with some humour. The last couple of chapters have been rather depressing and the lighter mood was much appreciated. And I just love Kiba and Naruto's conversations xD!
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