|Reviews for Break To Breathe|
| Adamantyne chapter 38 . 5/25/2012
Jeeez, only 11 chapters to go!
I think the story is stagnating a bit. Not much is happening. Sure, we're told a lot of details, but...
Anyway, the last semi-chapter was good, I liked that roles finally reversed leaving Shikamaru as the 'weak one'.
| Adamantyne chapter 37 . 5/24/2012
Since it is this long, I will write down as I read. I'll review each 'semi-chapter'. I, for one, like long reviews, so I thought I'd try to give them back. Be warned :D
I l-o-v-e the beginning! The fact neither say anything and everything is explained by actions.
And Neji's thought are amazing. I can't explain why because you haven't really written down much of them, but I could kind of feel his "distress".
I was able to put myself into Neji's mind (I'm so poetic right now, I don't know what's happening xD).
His memories were awesome (-ly written) and the insight we got regarding Hizashi and neji's relationship.
Shikamaru was really comforting and all the 'hurt' shined through perfectly. I'm tempted to say that this was perfect
Can I just say that I think that the memory Neji had where he'd tried to get his mark off was incredibly cute?
Ooooh, we finally found out what had made Neji take the decision two months ago, when he could've done it whenever he wanted to. I hadn't seen that one coming. That was a cruel choice his father made.
"Even animals didn't suffer in silence like this." - I really liked this comparison, it put things into perspective.
New, weird word learned: oxymoronic
Holy shit they sure let go of their emotions here. I'm surprised that Neji allows Shikamaru to see him in such a vulnerable state. I know he's opened up a lot, but tears are still... I dunno, something that seals the deal... I dunno...
I hate to admit this, but I found the beginning ofthis part hilarious. Neji's too much a romantic for me. And seriously, what's up with his possesivenes xD? And Shikamaru's a virgin? I had certainly not expected that. It really took me by surprise.
Normally I have absolutely no problem with sex scenes, but this one was tough for me to read.
I can relate to Neji's pride and Shikamaru just stomped all over it. Wow, I took like ten breaks from this because of shikamaru's bluntness xD! He was pretty smooth in the end, though.
Gods, I can't imagine Neji being this weak, even if he doesn't show it. What he thought about breaking himself against Shikamaru goes against everything I see him as xD
Lol! I cracked up when Neji began having trouble breathing. It was insensitive, I know, but...
God, what a mood killer xD! Fuck, I'd hate myself if I were him, especially after Shikamaru's comment "Because you're holding your breath…". Hahahahah... Ahh, I've sobered.
Well, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Still I'm not too fond of your very long sex scenes, but there were a lot more action in this one compared to the previous.
And I hope you liked this very, very long review ;D
| Adamantyne chapter 36 . 5/24/2012
LOL! Kiba's really fixed on Neji's ass. MOst of the time he talks about Neji, it's usually something about his ass, well sometimes the stick in it, but you get my point xD!
I can't believe that Neji actually hit Shikamaru with chakra. I mean, I've sort of waited for Neji to do something about his threats since the story began, but I didn't see this one coming.
The last part was really intense, I loved reading about Neji's killing spree. Not in a sick way, it was just intense and Neji feelings, or lack thereof, shone through perfectly.
You did use the word "blood" a gazillion times though xD!
| Adamantyne chapter 35 . 5/24/2012
We finally found out!
I had half expected, half hoped that it would be something else, something not related to Neji's family, but then again that wouldn't quite fit in. It was very well-written and I loved the Kitori scene. When she said that she hadn't harmed Shikamaru because he was important to Neji, I was like "fuuuuuu-" xD! If I were Neji, my emotions would've shined through as clear as cloud on a blue sky xD! Anyway, the work you did with their lines, what they said, was amazing. You're really good at making their words mean something other than what they were originally supposed to.
I hate that Neji began to cry, but oh well... I guess that's what you can expect from someone who just had their deepest secret revealed and defence blown away.
I am very intrigued about next chapter. I've still got 14 chapters to go and I can't wait to see how everything will turn out and your characters will make it happen.
I still like Kitori. It may not have been the noble excuse Neji was looking for, but still... it made her seem more human and I kind of feel sorry for her. She may not have been the best mother, but apparently she wished the best for her children, even if her wish was kind of contorted. I guess she (oh, fuck, just, accidentally, shut my browser down and I was so scared that all I'd written had been erased, but fortunately it hadn't - bonus info xD) has been in the mindset of Hanegakure for so long that she is unable to imagine a life without limitations and 'flock mentality'.
| Adamantyne chapter 33 . 5/23/2012
Hmm... I think I kind of like Hibari, he seems like a nice person. I'm on both his and Neji's side regarding the "forgive/not forgive issue". If someone had killed my best friend or someting like that I would never be able to forgive them, even if they did what they thought was right. Kudos to you for making the story believeable. People tend to "romantizise" forgiveness and I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way in the real world.
I could so imagine Hinata and Naruto as a family. I'm still waiting for the day that they get together xD!
It'll be interesting to find out about Neji's past. Yet again you've managed to make the ending of the chapter incredibly cute!
| Sabaku no Keiko chapter 50 . 5/23/2012
I just had to review *_* Man, I'm crying! This story/ you made me freakin' cry! :D I'm so totally stunned right now... This was... great! This was... O my god! *_* :D
| Adamantyne chapter 32 . 5/22/2012
Well, it took me several hours to read this because my attemp at reading it in school turned out to be a bad idea, so I'll probably only remember a tenth of what was actually in this chapter xD!
Anyway, I still don't know who I think is the real enemy, but I still like Kitori. If I were Neji I would not have been able to play it cool when she hinted that she knew about him and Shikamaru. Seriously, I'm a horrible liar when I'm caught off guard xD!
It took me severeal re-read to understand the thing about the locking seal. Turns out I had gotten it completely wrong. Af first I thought that he, Hato, had always had a seal on him and someone had attempted to break it or something, which would make no sense. I got it in the end though xD!
I am looking very much forward to the interrogation of the son (I forgot his name... Hibari?). He didn't seem to have been on his father's side.
Oh well, I guess evil depends on one's point of view. Kitori doesn't seem evil to me, thoug I am wondering about her shinobi. They seem a bit too loyal to me, but it could just be the way they were raised to behave or something, I guess.
Nice chapter - i don't mind them long :)
| Adamantyne chapter 31 . 5/21/2012
Oh shit, I've forgotten if Neji ever told Shikmaru what happened two months ago. I have a feeling that he did, but I have no idea in which chapter he did it. FML xD
I was a bit confused by the light in the first scene. The raindrops cast shadows on their bodies, which means that there must have been light shining in to the room from the outside. Now, it couldn't have been moonlight seeing as it was raining and the sky would've been cloudy and dark. Therefore it must have been street lamps. That would make sense if they hadn't been able to see their reflections in the glass, but they were. So, in order for them to see themselves in the glass, the lighting in the room had to be brighter than the light outside, which (according to my logic) would make it impossible for the raindrops to cast shadows. Of course it could have been the lightning that "overruled" the light that was in the room, but then the shadows of the raindrops still wouldn't be consistent. I was just thinking about this, couldn't make it make sense, so I was wondering if there was something I had overlooked xD!
Anyway, nice chapter. I still think that your sex scenes are a bit too long. You could easily shorten them and it wouldn't hurt the story. Not as far as I can see anyway. :)
| Adamantyne chapter 30 . 5/21/2012
You used contractions again in this chapter - only a few times, though xD!
Anyway, this was kind of short and not a lot happened, but I still liked it. After the last chapter I was afraid that you were going to make Neji soft, but thankfully that didn't seem to happen. I'm glad he still has his pride.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter to see what Neji decides :)
| Adamantyne chapter 29 . 5/21/2012
Well, this was very sweet. A bit too sweet for me actually. But I can see why you need to push the story. I'm just not much of a climax person xD!
| Adamantyne chapter 28 . 5/20/2012
I'm wrinting from my phone now, så there'll probably be a bunch of typos, but I hope you can forgive me.
Your ability to write about these missions never ceases to amaze me. It' funny, it makes sense and it's really well-written. I loved all the Naruto/bird(s) scenes. So funny! Your Naruto is just brilliant
Arggh! I just watched this Youtube clip, where man's skin had turned blue and that was all I could think about in the last sentences (Neji turned blue). I think it kind of ruined it for me xD!
And as you said so yourself - more mysteries to solve. I will probably read the next chapter tomorrow (you can wash your hands; I am still alive and did not die in a car crash due to exhauation xD!)
By the way, I'm Adamantyne. I'm just too lazy to log in again and I'm afraid that I'll have to re-write this entire review xD
| Adamantyne chapter 27 . 5/20/2012
I was kind of worried about this chapter. The last "sex scene" you wrote was really long and it was kind of heavy to read in the in. This one was better though, the end made up for the beginning (a bit too slow for my liking). There were some interesting points, though. :)
| Adamantyne chapter 25 . 5/19/2012
I had decided to stop reading three chapters ago. Seriously, I am going to wrap myself around a tree tomorrow... I promised to take my brother to a show and I'm borrowing my parents car. If you never get more reviews from me, you'll know that you played a part in my death, lol!
And I would definitely say they're dating now in some weird, extreme way (without actual dates of course) xD
Am I mentally unstable for thinking it's kind of cute and romantic when Neji is nearly dying and Shikamaru helps him? Because I think it is. I will burn in hell some day... getting off on other peoples misery like that (metaphorically speaking, of course) xD!
I can't axplain why, but I really loved this line. It really... well, it worked. Again, hard to explain:
"Understand this, Shikamaru," the Hyūga began with disturbing composure, slipping his lashes open as he stepped back towards the bed, his knees brushing the mattress as he stared down into the Nara's dark eyes. "Whatever lines have blurred between us, you don't get to cross that line with me…"
The last part was a bit sappy, but still kind of cute. They have a really weird way to interact. I can't really determine if Neji really is aware of the seriousness (I am a master of words sometimes xD) of what he's doing. He doesn't seem to know, or maybe he just doesn't want to know, that there is quite a good chance that he'll die soon. Hmmm...
| Adamantyne chapter 24 . 5/19/2012
"Quit being a pain in the ass Hyūga, you're actually worth a bit of damn effort when you're not being defensive."
Was that a confession? I think so! Aw, so CUTE! Oh God, I've really got to stop reading yaoi.
And today I learned yet another, possibly useful, word - "rapport. Nice to be able to expand my vocabulary and do something "fun" (interesting might be a better word) at the same time
| Adamantyne chapter 23 . 5/19/2012
This is not to be taken offense of (it really isn't),
but everytime you used the phrase "he pursed his lips", my mind goes staright to the noun "purse".
And I immediately place a tiny old-woman, purple purse in the hands of whoever's doing it in my mental image. Daaargh!
By the way, I was going to say this in my previous preview. Am I totally off, when I think that they're kind of dating now? In a really, really weird, non-comitting non-couple-like way? It just kind of seems that way. Or maybe I've just read way too much yaoi xD!
Lol, I laughed when Neji got mad about Shikamaru not wanting to kiss him. I did so not see that one coming xD!But atleast Shikamaru got to sleep.
I really like Kitori by the way. At first she seemed to be caught up in her daughter's death, but after her and Neji's conversation at the temple she "proved" to me that I liked her (I could not possibly phrase that better, don't you agreee xD?)
I really loved the caged-bird metaphore you had, when Shikamaru and co. were at the vet. The thing about them attacking themselves and picking their own feathers off. Nice! In general, you're just really good at making hints and "comparisons" and stuff in the story to help the reader understand... and you don't write unnecessary details (like how many slices of bread they had for breakfast and alike. Ugh, I hate when people do that)
Neji was kind of cute when he was assaulted by those two birds. If I were Shikamaru, though, I'm not sure if I would've been able to contain my laughter xD!
And Jesus Christ, how DO you manage to make Neji so insanly cute? I mean, seriously, I like him and all, but in your story he's just... irresistable! Especially the last two lines made my fangirl heart wild (lol). Aw, but he's so cute when he's smiling and when he doesn't move away from Shikamaru. I don't knnow why, I think I may be in denial about his possible death (which I hope, for your own sake, will not occur), but I really don't think about it. It surprises me every time it's brought up.
And how do you make me write so long reviews? Granted, I write down while I'm reading in order to remember what happens, but I seldom write reviews this long. Ah well, I guess it's a compliment xD!