|Reviews for The Husband of Sha'uri|
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 9/18
nee Carnahan had
[Rare occasion to see that nominal connector]
ancestors had called
[The “had/was/were verb” construction is passive and best avoided. Just “called” is past tense]
since she'd had nightmares
had sprung up around her; she
[sprung up around her. She]
lap, eagerly reading
[adverbs tend to be weak, or flags for Telling. Here as most, it’s not needed]
Dead; she probably
memories that had infected
If she'd inadvertently
[passive, mostly because of the number of flags in close proximity]
and she had gained
husband had insisted
language; she could
mind; she wrapped
her gun; but
its streets; it was
less power there,
[Shouldn’t that be “here”, as she’s currently IN London given opening description?]
in a different language
[That it’s English should leap to the forefront. Unless you’re trying to indicate he speaks Russian or Modern Egyptian or something unfamiliar enough her brain needs to stop and process it. Otherwise, your viewpoint character should just know her own native language]
escape had fled
those words; the puzzle
language that had been developed
[language that developed]
you know this language?
[Why not mention English? She knows it and he’s speaking it. I think it feels awkward you’re dancing around it]
even if she'd somehow
when they'd dug
[had is passive even in contractions]
It made a hideous, repetitive noise that must have been an attempt at a chuckle
[I’m not sure whether the magic animating it should’ve allowed a clear chuckle, but it’s interesting that you have fun with the ‘dry animated mummy’]
powers she'd seen
destroy the gods; I
do it again; the
Sorry; I didn't realize
given it, it's
Good luck; and if you
coalesced into a pearlescent form
[pearlescent is a texture, not a shape]
however; so when
While I had a lot of punctuation and passive construction qualms I pointed out, I think you did a GREAT job capturing the characters. I would’ve never thought to throw together these stories, but you not only made it work but made it interesting.
| Briar Ruler chapter 1 . 12/26/2016
(Laughs) This is ridiculous and exactly the sort of thing that would happen to Daniel. Which says something about his life. Does that mean there are going to be two Daniels running around, one Ascended resurrected five thousand year old mummy, and one ‘normal’ SG1 team Daniel?
Also I completely love Daniel’s lecture on ‘do not raise the undead it is a very disgusting, disturbing experience’ and the ‘yes no-one means to destroy the world but they almost do it anyway’. It’s just, Daniel really has seen it all and that allows you a certain calm in extremely strange situations.
Can I say that dying by accidently resurrecting the dead by talking in your sleep would be somewhere between extremely embarrassing, hilarious, horrifying and awesome? Especially if you kicked of the zombie apocalypse in the process, although I think that accidently causing the extermination of all humans on Earth through the undead would be rather mortifying because that is the sort of thing you can only take pride in if you do it deliberately.
| atymer chapter 1 . 12/9/2016
Wow, I liked this a lot. Felt a touch of sadness for Daniel. I really like the author's ability to write in such a way that I can hear Daniel and Evie speak. It's lovely.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/2/2016
Love this one.
| Quacked Lurker chapter 1 . 2/3/2016
One of my favorite crossover-short stories!
(sometimes, I wish Evelyn did live long enough to see the sarcophagus of Sha'uri's husband displayed after 2005 ... or even a snippit of her meeting Dr. Langford and passing on the message).
Good as is. Especially love dear ol' Daniel's reaction upon waking.
| Bobboky chapter 1 . 8/21/2013
| CreatedInFyre7 chapter 1 . 4/5/2013
Okay, I enjoyed this immensely :D. And it makes SENSE, in a way, too! Daniel and the rest of SG-1 did live out their alternate lives in ancient Egypt near the end of Season 8. _
| LoneWolfOneill chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
Loved the story, two of my favorites
| Hazmatt chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
I love it! Amazing story! So like them both! I really enjoyed it!
| Zuzanny chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
this made me laugh, and was also a bit sad.
| SquiggytheMage chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
| general zargon chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
LOL, the strange thing is, I can actually see this happening to Daniel, which really speaks wonders about the kind of things that happen to the poor guy, don't they? :P And, mummy or not, Daniel is still Daniel. . Kind of makes you wonder how Jack would have reacted in that situation...Nah, he probably would have just asked if there was beer and pizza nearby. XP Forgive my ramblings, but I really enjoyed this fic, even though I only really remember the Mummy movies (I'm still trying to catch up on the Stargate stuff). That will teach Evie to cast resurrection spells in her sleep. :P Please keep up the excellent work!
| Vi-Violence chapter 1 . 3/22/2012
That is an awesome idea.
| TexasDreamer01 chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
Daniel's always going to be funny, simply by how he goes about things.
| irezel chapter 1 . 7/24/2011
oh dear...Brilliantly done. Crossovers are so much fun...XD