|Reviews for Deep Breath|
| rainingWolf chapter 1 . 4/3
| SlashMyDreams chapter 1 . 10/18/2011
I really like how Jill's nervousness and awe at meeting the Pevensies come across in this. It's a short piece, but it really says a lot.
| ariex04 chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
I really like this story. The style is very interesting and fits well. Great job with it!
| Austra chapter 1 . 6/3/2010
Cool! This is the first of your stories that I've read, and I like it a lot! Good job!
| Violet Fire Krazed chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
Wow! Very good. I was surprised, this is a very unusual writing style. BUT IT WORKED.
| foreverkneeld chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Oh. I don't suppose you would be continuing this, as a series of oneshots? That would be soo nice.
Go with God,
| Sapphire Warrioress chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
This is very unique and original.
I loved Jill's inner monologue, very realistic as to how she might think and react when meeting the Pevensies for the first time.
Your ending was just right, where you showed that what they all had in common was their love of Narnia, though of course it was sad that Susan rejected their company.
| Don-Jam chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
As you sad "written in a very, very vague style" but I liked it, we can see what Jill is thinking. Poor Jill, meeting The 4 for the first time must be something...
| Miniver chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
How lovely! Amazing what a good writer can do in a single page. You gave us not only Jill's character but also Lucy's ("But she sounds so old!"-such a lovely description) and Susan's. The last sentence is just perfect.
This is almost a poem.
| Bottle of Smoke chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
Yay - a great one-shot about Jill! Jill's my favorite character in the series, and I think you got her down really well. She is a very nervous, under-confident person, and I could imagine her thinking like this.
It seemed almost stream-of-conscious to me - is that what you were gong for, or was it just a result from describing all of the actions?
Last, good use of ambiguity. You mentioned Susan going walking away from the table and seeming a bit irritated - is it because of Jill, or because her family is continuing to 'play Narnia?' Is it up to us to decide?
Great one-shot once again, Winged!
| mokatster chapter 1 . 1/11/2010
Winged, this is so short but so great! Instead of reading the story of how Jill meets the Pevensies, we actually get to be inside her head while she meets them! I could really feel her tension and her anxious, trembling excitement. (Incidentally, I was also really amused while reading this because, though I've only been this nervous a couple of times, I have experienced anxiety so intense that I could only get through those nerve-wracking experiences by issuing myself a series of simple orders, much like Jill does here).
I really like how we don't know exactly what is being said; the ambiguity makes Jill's emotions that much sharper.
And the ending is great-though the Pevensies are all royalty and meeting them has been very intimidating for Jill, talking about the land they have all come to know and love brings them to the same level. It's such a great idea-people who may have never met or become friends otherwise are brought together by Narnia and the amazing experiences they had there. A whole new life, indeed.
Thanks for this! :)