|Reviews for Child of Light|
| Gaspode chapter 74 . 7/12/2013
The whole first section with Casavir’s regrets, his doubts and his memory of his last meeting with Shandra is beautiful and absolutely spot on. I feel sorry for him yet at the same time I’m glad Shandra said the things she said. Casavir is using his faith and tragic past as excuses for not getting involved in life.
“He swore roughly, but obeyed, after waiting just long enough to make it insubordinate, and stalked away into the shadows. Casavir couldn't help but wonder why he had reacted so strongly, of all of them.” I always wondered the same. Bishop who supposedly doesn’t care for anybody is the loudest with his demands of justice. It’s these little contradictions that pop up every now and then in the game, that make him such an intriguing character. A part of me hopes this was the writers’ intentions. Another more cynical part suspects it was sloppy writing. Either way it makes for an interesting character.
Oh I was so happy to hear Phaedra put Zhjaeve in her place. That woman annoys me immensely and whilst you certainly made her interesting you also brought to the fore how sinister she actually is.
The second half of the paragraph, where Phaedra kisses Bishop is another powerful piece of writing. I can taste their desperation and the primeval needs that drive them. And yes Bishop, “I will have you, princess” is called giving away the game.
You capture Ammon Jerro’s total disregard for anything but the battle with the King of Shadows so well. It’s cruel and chilling. Phaedra’s gradual falling apart is becoming more apparent. It is a very interesting tale of how duty can destroy, that you weave, the brutal sacrifice of the one to save the many.
| Ann6022 chapter 74 . 6/25/2013
With the long break in updating the story, I wasn't actively waiting for continuation, but man, was I completely hyped when I noticed the update! :D The long wait was definitely worth it - for me, this chapter was a wonderful surprise treat just before leaving on a month-long vacation without Internet access (read as: fanfiction access :P).
You really did a great job at picturing the emotions following the events of the last chapter; Phaedra's (and Casavir's) anguish and regret feel so palpable when reading, and it's great that such emotions get more room in this story than they did in-game; overall, the game pretty much brushed off the effect of the multitude of losses the PC experiences - throughout the course of this story, you've done a great job in depicting this aspect of the story really well, making things seem more realistic :)
Learning more about Phaedra's origins was very interesting, as well as seeing her reaction to it; somehow, all the recent events seem to have sealed the change in her character, as the ending of the chapter established. Even though the changes in her character have been pretty clearly apparent, this chapter had me wondering at how much Phaedra really has changed. Contrasting her newly found capability to be venomous etc with her earlier characteristics - seeing the lost innocence - is quite sad. It makes me feel so sorry for her, seeing how much she's been through. I think you've done a wonderful job at making it possible to invest emotionally in her character.
I loved how you highlighted Ammon's alignment; in-game, by the time he joins the party, him being evil feels like a slight exaggeration, but depicting the full extent of his ruthlessness and lack of remorse makes it feel a bit more justified. Overall, the depiction of all the characters was great in this chapter. I especially liked Bishop's comment of not being able to escape, too - such subtleties are very interesting.
I'm definitely hoping to continue reading this story till the very end, keep up the great work! :)
| Ann6022 chapter 73 . 3/16/2013
I found this fic a couple of days ago, and was pretty soon completely caught up with it, and now, having gobbled it all up, I thought it'd be high time to post some comments.
In short, for lack of a better expression, this is pretty crazy awesome - probably one of the best fanfiction stories I've ever read, if not the best!
To go a bit more into detail... I just love how you've taken the story of NWN2 and given it your own flair, adding interesting twists. The character interaction is also really good, I find your interpretation of Bishop's character particularly interesting. One of the best parts, however, is the main character; Phaedra's a really unique Kalach-Cha, and her character development's nothing short of amazing; it's really awesome how she started out as a very believable 16-year-old, and how the succession of events she's pushed into has forced her to mature and change so much - for better as well as worse.
Seeing the development of your writing was great, as well; though it was really good to begin with, the fluidity of the text has improved a lot, among other things.
Normally, I'm not such a great big fan of novelizing the entirety of a game, but in the case of your fic, I'm really, really glad I gave it a shot, as this goes far beyond merely retelling all the familiar events of the game, and extensive as it is, your story is a really enjoyable one.
Anyways, here are some of my thoughts on the fic, and again, you've done some incredibly awesome work. I'm definitely keeping an eye out for continuation - I actually registered to the site to be able to follow and favorite this - I can barely wait to see how you'll write upcoming events. Keep up the terrific work! :)
| Gaspode chapter 73 . 3/1/2013
I really admire what you have done here. Once again you have taken a set up riddled with game logic and made it into proper prose. As you said yourself, Jerro's Haven showed so much promise and you have certainly delivered on that and more. This is exactly the reason we write fan fiction and why fan fiction is worthy of reading.
The mood is tense and claustrophobic. You have utilized the devils and demons in the best possible way. I must admit I did miss the dialogue where Hezebel calls Bishop out on his feelings and why he follows the PC, but that's just me being fan girly.
The revelation at the end certainly is a surprise but has it's own twisted logic. I really should have suspected this after how the Haven responded to Phaedra but I assumed it had something to do with her warlock powers.
It is actually a relief that Neshka finally manages to shake off some of her jealousy and bitterness and be the gutsy character we know she is. I think Khelgar agrees. Just as it's nice to see the team working together after having been sundered so long by self interest and envy. I was surprised in the game when Bishop was upset enough by Shandra's death to demand vengeance but who knows what goes on in a mind like his? Perhaps he recognised her value as a companion in his own twisted way. I'm glad you included it here.
You're updates may be slow but there's always so much goodness there all is forgiven.
| Gaspode chapter 71 . 12/19/2012
Oh dear, this really is like watching the proverbial train wreck. We all know the blow that is coming and I wonder what it will do to Phaedra.
It is nice to see the impact all this has on Phaedra, properly explored. I always thought there wasn't enough emphasis on how hard the events of NWN 2 are on the PC.
Zhjaeve IS sinister. She's not evil but she does use the PC ruthlessly, as Elanee points out. In Zhjaeve's eyes Phaedra is simply a weapon and if that weapon is destroyed in order to defeat the enemy, so be it. Then again, I agree with Bishop who feels all the companions are using Phaedra to a greater or lesser extent. They are afraid and she is, in a sense, a sacrificial lamb.
Talking of Bishop, I do enjoy his internal battle, trying to convince himself that he's just doing all this because he's a bad ass.
A couple of favourites: “She'd become brittle in her struggle not to speak of it.” and “The cost of not being vigilant was too high, and the cost of allowing herself a moment to think would be too much.”
| onion926 chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
I took one look at the word count on this thing and decided immediately to read it. I like the descriptiveness of your writing; however, I think you should invest more in alternate forms of punctuation such as semicolons, colons, dashes, etc. The frequency with which you use commas interferes with the ability to read through a paragraph fluidly. Generally speaking, they are correct the way you have used them, but there are a LOT of run-on sentences. I had to read some stuff over two or three times to figure out where one thought ended and another began. I think some commas could have been left out entirely, despite their correctness, as leaving them out would not have interfered with the intelligibility or meaning of the sentence. This is only the first chapter, though, and I've got another 500,000 words to go! :D
Don't mind the criticism. I proofread legal transcripts for a living - they beat the commas out of us the first two weeks of training, so I admit I'm not used to seeing them so often. Please know I am really looking forward to spending every moment of my spare time sucking this fic in! I'm already going nuts wanting to know who Phaedra will end up with. I personally am a Casavir fan, but it won't kill me if he's not who you had in mind for Phaedra (as long as you're not terribly mean to him - no one seems to like Casavir but me!).
Good job! :)
| Gaspode chapter 70 . 9/3/2012
Apologies for being so slow in my review. I was away for three weeks and then I've discovered that since I began writing my own fan fiction, I have much less time to read. It's ironic really.
Well done to getting Arvahn written, it must have been difficult since there's so much game logic in the constant repetition of the portals and the meeting of the spirits. Yet you could hardly skip it since it's so important for the story. I did enjoy how you brought forward the story of the Guardian. In the game I always thought it was an interesting attempt at making the 'bad guy' more real, someone who wasn't necessarily evil, just lost. Unfortunately it disappeared in the game play, not so here though.
Bishop grumbling about the spells manipulating his bow brought a smile to my face, it was so typical. As was his reaction to getting injured. The expression pig headed comes to mind.
I did like how you had him as the one bringing Phaedra out of West Harbour, it was the logical choice, whether one likes him or not, since he would have been the one who could best distance himself from the tragedy of it. In fact, you're carving out a nice little niche for all the characters, Casavir's almost morbid faith, Elanee's falling apart, Neeshka's bitterness. Last but not the least it's an interesting take on why Phaedra would take Zhjaeve's teachings to heart.
I'm not going to nitpick but you might want to watch how you sometimes revel so much in the language that you end up saying the same thing twice over, only with different words. As always I enjoy the poetry of your writing but sometimes I suspect you get a little carried away.
| XxDreamersWishXx chapter 2 . 7/27/2012
OMG! you are a brilliant writer! You gave life to the characters in this game. you gave them a story, a past, and a more substantial personality. it's amazing! though i never expected the main character, the one you play as, to be shy or quiet or so torn with the descisions or happenings in her life. This is a really great story :D very well written.
| Ivy Rose Thorn chapter 67 . 6/20/2012
*whistles* That was amazing... took me a week to read the entire thing. I only read a few chapters at a time. This story... read like a moving painting. Seriously one of the best stories I have read on fanfiction. While I could see a few typos and stuff here or there (mostly in the earlier chapters) I will refrain from hammering them as it seems you have plenty of help with this epic. Honestly I'd ask you to marry me at this point but as the only way to reach me is by PMing my sister Nesselde, I'd rather not give her anymore reasons to try and kill me. She has enough trouble dealing with me as is. I seriously want to thank you for writing this story though and I hope you continue to write in the near future. I had my sister subscribe to your account after I finished the story, so I will check back periodically to see how it progresses.
-Love and thorns
Ivy Rose Thorn
| Gaspode chapter 67 . 5/14/2012
"She told herself that she was past this with Phaedra, that her once-friend no longer had the power to hurt to hurt her but every time she saw Phaedra flitting around the Keep" – to hurt is repeated twice.
"Neeshka reflected privately that it might not be so bad if he did, if some man did, just once, even if it was all a lie. No one had ever even told her she was beautiful." – That’s just heart breaking.
"She's nothing to me, and, Hells-brat, you're less than she is." – As mean and hard as Bishop is I find it hard to believe he’s willing to confirm Neeshka’s suspicions just yet since he still needs her. While she’s still in doubt she will keep helping him but with those words he basically tells her she’s nothing and I can’t believe even Neeshka would continue being his partner in crime then.
There’s lots of very nice character development here. Sand does not come off well. I really found myself despising him here for an arrogant and manipulative snake. The cheek of him to take it upon himself to fire that Grey Cloak and make such arrangements for Phaedra. At first I got frustrated that Phaedra didn’t tell him off but then I realised that it’s perfectly in character since she’s still young and insecure and have no idea of how to be in charge of a military organisation.
Sparks are flying between Bishop and Phaedra. That little scene in her bedroom was very nice.
Elanee is not my favourite but it’s interesting that she’s finally picking up on what’s being done to Phaedra, even though she never realised she once did the same herself. Phaedra is used, she’s the sacrificial lamb and they’re all putting her forward hoping she will save them. It’s a pity Elanee needed to be jealous on order to see this. I think she’s absolutely right when it concerns Zhjaeve. Zhjaeve is a true zealot and all she cares about is stopping the enemy. She has no interest in Phaedra other than as a tool. I actually found myself feeling sorry for Elanee and that’s a first.
All in all a really nice chapter.
| Gaspode chapter 66 . 3/30/2012
As good as always. I’m still reading, still enjoying. It’s good to see Phaedra grow up a bit more.
A few things that stood out:
"Not if I stop it" Phaedra snapped, sick suddenly of arrogant villains, and their endless monologues.” Hah, I wonder how many of us have thought just that.
Hm, an interesting spin on the Garius story arc. “She'll make you love her, before you even realise it’s happening, and then you will be hers." I bet those words comes back to haunt Bishop later. Personally I suspect Garius is thinking as much about Esmerelle as Phaedra at this point.
Zhjaeve is an odd one. I love her voice but dear lord she’s boring. I don’t know why it would be so hard to make someone mystical and yet interesting. Deeply religious people always seem to come off as preachy in these games. Yes Casavir and Elanee, I’m looking at you. You’ve done a good job of making Zhjaeve more interesting and yes, mystical, instead of this slow preachy character that always made me skip forward in the dialogue.
“had Bishop's attitude rubbed off on her a little then?” Absolutely. :-) I wonder if ever Phaedra’s attitude will rub off on him though. He’s a watcher and manipulator but the watching always changes the watcher...
| Gaspode chapter 65 . 2/9/2012
A riveting chapter indeed.
Well done on making Garius almost pitiable and creating a nice twist to the story. I also liked the way you wove the events of NWN into all of this. Esmerelle's connection to Garius felt entirely believable.
I smiled a lot reading both Phaedra's and Bishop's desperate attempts at explaining away their mutual attraction. Poor Neeshka is in for an even tougher time, will she ever get a break I wonder? Perhaps she and Casavir should console each other :-)
I did have a bit of a problem with the party's attack on the keep. Just rushing up to the gates, despite the darkness, seemed a bit foolhardy as they're not exactly an army and they had a lot of open ground to cover. Could they not have snuck up to the walls on either side of the gate and just pounced as it opened? Perhaps Vale and co. could have helped to keep them stealthy using magic?
As always I couldn't resist proof reading a bit and came across a few minor things:
“Shandra looked around at the desolate campsite, desolate without Phaedra's presence,” – a bit much ‘desolate’
“It had been going to happen for a little while now,” – there’s something not quite right with this
“it had no sleeves, going in fact under her arms, and baring her shoulders entirely,”...” It left her shoulders and arms entirely bare, and plunged...” – just a repeat of the description
“he and Karnwyr were going to have to lay back and enjoy the view”...” It was night, and Crossroad Keep lay back in the darkness” – the second lay back sounds odd and repetitive, how about just ‘lay’
“It wasn't really any different from going to get Karnwyr that time so she forgot about what Melia had told her” – Shouldn’t it be Malin?
Sorry about this but it's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction especially since I'm helping a friend with a story now too. Anyway I wouldn't bother commenting if I didn't like it.
| Lynn Pintel chapter 65 . 2/4/2012
Yay another chapter! It was so exciting! Bishop's rescue was awesome! Can't wait for more!
| pacificuser chapter 10 . 2/1/2012
I'm a kid again,fresh out of primary school playing dungeons and dragons... this is how your story makes me feel...
| pacificuser chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
this is very good,admitedly,I've only read until chapter 12,I can tell its pretty good. My only real problem is the need for lots of proof-reading to make it more-readable. Also a bit more of "action" to capture the adventuring spirit of the game!