|Reviews for Child of Light|
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 54 . 1/7/2011
"And what was she trying to pull anyway? Karnwyr didn't work with anyone else, no matter how nice they played with him. She'd better not be trying to get cozy with him behind Bishop's back."
That bit made this chapter for me...truly, as soon as I read it I burst into giggles xD It seemed more like our dear Bishop was getting jealous of her going behind his back to get cozy with his lover, rather than his animal companion xD
And speaking of companions, I loved the way you described the bond between Bishop and Karnwyr. You portrayed them as being true equals, which most authors try and fail at doing, instead making Karnwyr seem more like a loyal pet. However, you could really feel that sense of equality, of comradely, and it really made their bond just feel all the stronger. It was certainly a unique portrayal, and one that I enjoyed. But then, I had no doubt that you'd pull it off smashingly :)
I can't even begin to express the excitement I felt when I saw you had updated! It's been far too long my friend! I've been feeling very down lately, and when I saw the update note I nearly let out a squeal of joy x3 And as usual, the wait was well worth it, you certainly did not disappoint ;) I noticed one or two typos, but as I've said, I don't really keep too much of an open eye out for mistakes, so long as they aren't huge monstrosities staring me in the face ( in which case I'll certainly point them out). However, I'm too much of a flawed human being myself to really keep an eye out for another persons mistakes, and I'm sure you have plenty of other readers keeping an eye out for those sorts of things, so I'll just keep to my business of reviewing the story its self and commenting on how much I just adore the way you're playing with these character :)
And as one of the Bishop fans of this story, I must say, I rather loved what you did with him in this chapter. You've been dropping the tiniest hints to us about Bishop's past, just a few here or there- not enough to put the puzzle together, but just enough to wet the appetite and leave us guessing. However, this chapter was just chock full full of them, and now I'm just flat out anticipating the revalation of his story. What was this screw up that led to him having to constantly watch his back, and why, with Lusaka probably looking for him after the whole incident with his "assignment" did he feel secure enough not to be constantly watching his back to begin with? I'm so curious! xD
And the scene where he killed the dryad was...perfect Bishop. Ruthless, unfeeling, and completely unpredictable. And the fact that he destroyed the life of an entire forest along with it, (the wilderness being where he feels most at home, most connected to everything), and a forest that used to be his home on top of that, without any feeling or remorse what so ever was almost...symbolic in a way. I don't know, maybe it was me, but it struck me as being rather deep, a very strong indicator of the chaotic evil aspects of his character. Bishop is a very dark character, with a lack of regard for life of any sort that verges on being psychopathic, something which many authors tend to forget, but which you seem to have captured perfectly in him. If ever we needed a reminder of the true nature hiding behind that ever charming face of his, there you have it. Kudos to you!
And poor Phaedra :/ I can only imagine the confusion she must be going through right now. I know I must sound like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over,but that's because it never ceases to amaze me that this girl is facing all of this at the young age of sixteen (which in most fanatics, wouldn't matter, b/c for most authors sixteen means twenty :P) However, you keep all of those same teenage girl insecurities and weaknesses in her, which makes this already heavy burden bearing down on her shoulders ten time worse. We teenagers tend to make mountains out of mole hills as it is, without threat of death hanging over our heads or the weight of the responsibility of having an entire village slaughtered because of us weighing down on our conscience. And our teenage years are so confusing as it is, with all of the conflicting feelings and mood swings, especially for we females. Poor Phaedra is being torn into a million single directions at once, and while at first glace, her constant fretting makes her seem like a bit of a whiny character, when you take into account her age and all that she's going through, I'm surprised she's hasn't just gone completely into witdraw yet xD Good on you Phaedra love, keep at it girl! But while I do love these subtle changes we've been seeing in her, I do hope that she isn't completely destroyed in the end by what she endures :( It would be such a shame to see such lively youth age before her time and give in to the harshness of life like that,truly. She certainly needs to adjust her views on a few things and grow a thicker shell, but to see her completely hardened would be a shame. Lets hope it doesn't come down to that.
As for Elanee...
Elanee, Elanee, Elanee. At first, your portrayal of her came off as being a protective, motherly character toward Phaedra. However, as the story goes on and progresses, I've noticed a change that is starting to become ever more noticeable. While at first she seems to harbor maternal feelings for Phaedra due to her long years spent watching her, silently protecting her, I've noticed that as of late, this desire of hers to protect and shelter her have become a sort of...obsession or something. It reached levels that are starting to verge on just plain creepy O_o I seem to be at a loss of words with which to explain, but, do you understand what I'm getting at? I don' know, maybe it's just me, but it' just something I've taken notice of xD
And while I'm on the topic of Elanee and noticing things, I have something else I'd like to point out (though this is just my own interpretation). As I've re-read the chapters, I've noticed that Casavir and Elanee both, while at first glance only seem to have Phaedra's best interests at heart, are actually rather controlling of her, in an almost villainous way, using her like their puppet and keeping her dancing on her strings with offers of "stability" and "friendship". Its very subtle at first, so much so that it's easy to look over and miss, but after Bishop comes in it becomes rather clear. It's not really all that dramatic, but they just always seem to be putting things into Phaedra's head, dropping hints that she's oblivious to yet nevertheless goes along with, trying to keep her modeled in their own image, to keep her thinking like them. They probably don't even realize that they're doing it themselves, but that sense is still there, and the whole issue about Bishop joining the group is a perfect example. Because of her fear of what Casavir might think, or what Elanee may say, she almost turned him down. Other instances or more subtle, and I'm too lazy too look back in the chapters to find them, but I've noticed them there :/ But that's probably just something I'm looking too much into xD But they way I'm looking at them, they come off to me as, as "good" as they are, being the real bad guys here, always so up on their high horses and doing everything they can to keep Phaedra up there with them. They also seem to look down on those of the party who don't share their same beliefs, while those that do are fine by them (Neeshka, for example. And of coarse, Neeshka is also the member Phaedra tends to neglect the most.)...the list goes on and on :/ Bishop seems to be the only exception, being the only thing that Phaedra will actually go against Elanee and Casavir on, even if it's only a little. But then, that's only because he's able to out manipulate them xD
Shandra, at this point, just seems to be the only one that really has Phaedra's own best interests at heart anymore xD All the while, our poor heroine just remains completely oblivious. Like I said, that's just something that just sort of jumped out at me that I wanted to throw out there :d
Other than that, I've really nothing more to say, other than, you had better update again soon, or I'll beat you with a wet fish! (Which may I add are now quite rotten, after having been left sitting here waiting to be used as threats for so long *gives a firm finger wagging*)
As always, I loved, loved, looooooved the chapter, and I await the next installment eagerly! Until then, I wish you well!
| Gaspode chapter 53 . 10/28/2010
A somewhat belated review but better late than never, or so I’ve been told…
I’m inclined to agree with what Wild Grape mentions in her review, I like your writing or otherwise I wouldn’t be reading it, but sometimes your characters musings becomes so intricate and complex they almost trip themselves up. They can get a little bogged down. I think I mentioned something like this somewhere in the distant past but Wild Grape put it a little bit better than me. In no way do I suggest you change your style of writing, it’s great, but it might be good to be aware of these things so they don’t become too overpowering.
As always I like the way you give all the characters time to shine. You allow them all to develop and become more than just ‘extras’ in the background. I really like what you’ve done with Neeshka. She’s a great character and bringing out her insecurities and jealousy makes her feel like so much more than just this quirky sidekick she is in the game.
As for Karnwyr, what can I say? You’ve done a great job. He’s a proper wild animal, as battle scarred and dangerous as Bishop and no cuddly little pet. I’m so glad you allowed him along for the ride.
You manage very nicely to put your own little twist on the story, without changing it altogether, such as letting Karnwyr sniff out the poisoned body.
All in all you’re succeeding very well in writing a proper novel version of NWN2 and making it your own. I just hope you don’t run out of steam before the end since I’m looking forward to see what more twists you can come up with.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 53 . 10/14/2010
Praise be, the Lord is kind!
You've finally updated!
Oh, how I've miss you!
And you did not disappoint :D
This was an amazing chapter. Probably one of the best yet, in my opinion (character and plot wise, anyway.)
It has more...intensity in it than any of the previous chapters thus far. And you seriously have me super impressed with your Neeshka. There's always been something about her character that just seemed so...flat to me, despite her being so initially fun a quirky. You've done such a phenomenal job fleshing her out, I can hardly believe it. And it's all consistent with the actual character (in a way) that it almost seems that, that's what the game creators intended for her to be. You've taken a food character and transformed her into a really great one, and I can't wait to see what else happens with her! Definitely want to see more of that!
As or Karnwyr, great job! You really game him the fierce, predatory edge that most stories who include him forget to add. Most people tend to forget that he's more than just Bish's lovable, fluffy companion of utter cuteness. He's just as battle scared as Bish himself, and just as dangerous. Though don't get me wrong, it is adorable to see that big, vicious natural killer reduced to a big pile of fluff and love when alone and sharing a moment with his bonded companion x3
Can't wait to see what you do with his POV, too (if you decide to do it.)
Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be a joy to read, and absolutely adorable xD (Idk how serious it is, if it's told in Karnwyrs POV, it's automatically adorable in my eyes xD)
I have more to say, of corse, but I have to go study for a Bio test D:
So I'll continue complimenting you in my next PM xDD
Update soon, or wet fish!
| Moerighan chapter 52 . 9/24/2010
Ah Bishop can lie to himself all he wants be we all know how he feels, and poor Phaedra, he is going to hurt her too badly and it'll be too late by the time he realises how he feels.
Of course I still think he is a bastard and that the girl will come to her senses but you know teenagers lol.
| Minxie chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
I just love the mental gymnastics Bishop has to do to convince himself that Phaedra means nothing to him. If she really was just a 'means to an end' it shouldn't be that hard, right? XD
I'm looking to forward to seeing what you've got in store for us next. Is she really going to kick Bishop out of the group once this quest is done or is he going to find a way around that? :)
| WildGrape chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
Heh, here I am, composing a towel-long PM, and you've alredy posted another chapter:) Well done.
Though, I must admit, I'm still a bit wincing at explicit emotionalism. But now that I think of it, it's not about the substance of the characters' feelings (they are quite true) but, perhaps, the way they express it sometimes - with staggering backwards, gasps, etc. Maybe you can try visualizing the scene for it not to be too theatrical - it tends to draw attention from the feeling itself towards its outward expression, thus a bit bellitling it.
But I did like Bishop's POV, even though he's still overreacting a tad, imho, - still, his thoughs do sound like his. Except for one thing - honestly, would an angry and, I assume, hangovered Bishop think of himself as possessing some dark mystery?:) Not really it seems like him to paint himself so poetically, even more so his seething brain would have probably split in parts from even trying to come up with such a description. I suppose it's more the author speaking here than the ranger, hmm?;)
But apart from the tiny things like mentioned above, you have a very good (if not excellent) general grip of the characters. It's just that tiny things sometimes tend to sore the eye, damn them:)
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 52 . 9/6/2010
Poor Pheadra. For someone like her that really must have been a bombshell.
That Bishop bit was PERFECT. And since its two a.m. and my first day of school is tomorow, Ill tell you why in a PM later :]
| Conrack chapter 51 . 9/2/2010
First off, let me congratulate you on an amazing piece of work so far.
Your writing is impeccable; the pacing is excellent, and I’m amazed at the level of detail you bring to your story.
What I especially like is how much realism you manage to incorporate into such a wildly fantastic story. Like how you portray magic; it’s not set in stone; ‘he cast magic missile’, but rather a fluid, vivid and mysterious force, and that in turn helps elevate the story from a portrayal of rules and classes to a truly organic world of it’s own.
Also, it instills a sense of wonder and mystique at the forces being wielded. It keeps the magic...well magic.
I also thoroughly enjoy how you put your own twists on the story; the Commander of Fort Locke and Marshal Cormick in particular; it shows that just because Phaedra walks the ‘good’ path, everything isn’t automatically sunshine and lollipops; the world is still a cruel place, and people can still be bastards. Which brings me to my next point.
The star of the show; your excellent character portrayal, and here, yet again, you keep things firmly grounded in realism; there are no one-note characters, they all have virtues and vices, even the secondary characters, and the shifting character perspectives are expertly used to tell how a character perceives themselves vs. how everyone else does, often creating a stark contrast. (Ex. how Elanee is seen as a all-wise and flawless being, when she’s actually repressing her own emotions and using Pheadra as a substitute for the child she never had)
And lastly; any way you turn it, there’s bound to be heartbreak aplenty, and that warms the shriveled black artery that twitches somewhere under my sternum. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy happy endings, just not...too happy.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 51 . 8/27/2010
You ought to sell T-shirts. Team Bishop and Team Casavir. I'd totally buy one :D Rofl.
Not to compare your story to twilight _ I'd never insult anyone like that. I refuse to even capitalize the title.
Pheadra's thoughts on Bish reminded me a lot of this song, which I can't remember the name of. But I'm pretty sure you know it, everyone and their mother does. It's just the first few lyrics, which I'm pretty sure are:
"You don't know how you met me.
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye.
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your viens like a fish in the sea."
Just the way you described Pheadras thoughts and feelings as they were leaving the tavern, I'm not sure why, but it made that song pop into my head O_o
Poor Neeshk. I could totally see her as someone who would probably go for Bishop after being exposed to his more "charming" side. And I seriously think Casivir and Elanee are made for eachother _ It's perfect.
Though Shaundra's crush on him is pretty adorable xD But idk, I just couldn't see them together. Aaaah well, she's going to die anyway :P (I know it's horrible, but it's true right?)
Anyway, you were right, for as a Bishop fan, this chapter made me very happy :D
And his random mood swings throughout made me chorckle. One of those things that's funny cause' it's true xD
Anyway, I really love how you developed Neeshkas charecter. People always portray her as being so happy and carefree, which she comes off as, but as you pointed out, I've always sensed that sort of...darkness in her charecter that was hinted at in the game but never quite touched upon.
The scene with Malin confused me. As you said, Bish does everything with a purpose, and I'm still not completly getting this one yet O_o
Am I missing something here?
As always, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter. And so is my incredibly wet, slaptastic pet fish Fletcher :D
I just bought him, he's so cuuuute! And he does tricks! (He does flips in the water!)
| Minxie chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
"I've had one vehemently pro-Bishop review (thanks Minxie)"
Fabulous chapter. That last scene was intense. And the way you wrote the Malin confrontation was an interesting, different take too.
I also loved Neeshka's introspection. It makes me want to chide Phaedra for not paying more attention to her :).
| WildGrape chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
Sooo, okay, here I am. 've been following the story right from the start - so I figured it'll be sort of honest to drop a word. Or two :) Didn't do it earlier because for a long-long time couldn't figure out if I actually like your story or not. To tell the truth, I still don't know - but, hey, I've read up to here and will continue to, so that's already saying something, eh?;)
You surely have a knack for writing. Even though it's really hard for me to follow (not a native speaker here), I'm honestly impressed by your patience and thoroughness in descriptions and explorations. Both in environment, mood and characters. On the other side, though, the latter sometimes seems to flow over the rim - but that's just my personal preference, overly emotional people usually leave the rational pragmatic me baffled and annoyed. And have been doing so from the age I was four:) So if you are interested in a bucket of some cold water from the side (which is good for health and resilience, imo:) PM me and I can provide. If not... well, then shrug me off as some shrew who has nothing better to do for the time than bug others with her opinion:))
Anyway, have a nice day and nice writing.
p.s. the Elemental idea is interesting. I was kind of dissapointed that you left Qara out - she would have made an interesting distorting mirror for Phaedra's character, being of the same age and a sorceress, too - but I can see why you did it:)
| Moerighan chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
Haha I love how you call Sand oily, I always thought he sounded and looked as though something smelly was permanantly stuck under his nose. One of my friends is in love with him for reasons I cannot fathom.
And what Bishop did...
I swear if my boyfriend ever did that to me I would MURDER him!
Phaedra gives into him so easy but then she is still a teenager, I can see her heart getting broken, especially because we all know what is coming...
Great job and I cant wait to read more!
(ps, i am writing a sequel for my fanfic, cos I know it ended rather abruptly, just to let you know that was my intention all along... I should probably note that at the end of the final chapter...)
| Gaspode chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
A chapter for Bishop fan girls indeed. I almost squeed, although I try to tell myself I’m above such things. So here’s some more ramblings and not quite a review.
It is very clever the way you allow Bishop to descend into utter cruelty and depravity, only to turn around and show that what he did was actually an act of kindness, of sorts. And you do it the other way around too. It keeps the reader off balance and that is why Bishop’s character is so interesting. It also tells the reader something about the fact that Bishop doesn’t very much like himself, making sure to let Phaedra know how bad he actually is whilst at the same time wanting her to come with him. Do I detect some torn emotions here perhaps?
I thought Neeshka’s little moment very good. She is after all a darker character than the game sometimes presents her as. Also, her torn emotions towards Phaedra felt real and made her very vulnerable and therefore, in my mind, more likeable. She’s far too perky in a lot of the stories out there. Having her fancying Bishop is a good idea since he’s the one in the group that closest shares her kind of dark and abused past as well as her dubious morals.
I enjoyed the insight into Elanee’s mind for almost the same reasons. She’s so confident bordering on arrogant and insufferable in the almost smug lectures that she gives you in the game. The way you present her makes her much more real. Her insecurities and fears make it easier to warm to her. I find myself almost annoyed with Casavir who’s so blinded by ‘Phaedra on the pedestal’ that he barely notices this lovely and kind elven woman. Love is indeed selfish. I liked the emphasis you put on Elanee’s discomfort with being in a town, surrounded by people. I can so sympathize with that.
What can I say? Keep it coming.
| Minxie chapter 50 . 8/21/2010
Wooo, loving the story. It certainly took a while to read so far but I think your pacing is perfect.
In particular I love the way you've been building up character relationships. This is why I love fanfics for forgotten realms games, because they add so much depth to the characters, especially when they're good like yours.
Lol you should know the only thing I can criticize you for is Casavir, and... that's not even really a criticism. He drove me nuts in the game because of his bland-blandiness and for his walking talking Paladin caricature shtick, and he drives me equally nuts in your fanfic because... you've written him so well. He's exactly like the game version. XD
I was reading the most recent chapters of your fic on my Kindle (I uploaded them onto it this morning so I could finish reading them at work today ;) ), and if you're familiar with the Kindle reader, you may know that you can write little notes and highlight passages of text on it. Well... my annoyance with Casavir got so extreme that I couldn't help but interject my own little comments. They all showed up as a list on my Kindle at the end of the day:
"Phaedra and Casavir were meant to be together, of that Elanee was certain"
"She cannot fall for him, Elanee"
Me: Arrghh, the arrogance!
"Bishop was so unworthy of her... every moment, every smile"
"But once things return to normal between the two of you... I do not think he will be a problem"
Me: WTF you talkin about Elanee
"She did not look upon him as Shandra did, as a knight, protector, an ideal... with her he felt like nothing but a man"
Me: Oh on the contrary, sir!
"Tyr... how did such beauty exist? How did he protect something so precious?"
Me: Gag, give me a break
In case you couldn't tell, I sincerely hope it won't be Casavir/Phaedra in the end XD.
But seriously now, if your intention was to make Casavir utterly irksome, you have succeeded. Or maybe I'm the only one who's rubbed the wrong way by the way he thinks it's twue wuv after knowing Phaedra two minutes, and only because he's got this ridiculous image of what he thinks she is in his head, when he really doesn't see her at all. And of course every other day he gets all controlling over her, assuming he knows best about eeeeeverything (Elanee does it too, but I forgive her because of her many other redemptive qualities... and because she was a very useful party member in the game D). What's even more annoying is that Casavir is assuming that he and Phaedra are going to run off into the sunset together at the end of this, like it's only a matter of time... Just another way that he doesn't really see her at all, because he's oblivious about her and Bishop's connection, which he dismisses as nothing.
And I CAN'T be the only one creeped out by the fact that Casavir is like thirty-something and drooling over sixteen year old Phaedra. Seriously, Casavir has lived almost a lifetime more than baby Phaedra - there's like a gaping chasm between them when it comes to life experience. At least Bishop is closer to her age (he's like early twenties or something), and he's even at a similar maturity level ;).
I do, naturally, commend your grasp of Bishop. You started with this twisted relationship between him and Phaedra, and the way you've made it progress gradually but steadily into something less and less twisted and more and more compelling is just fabulous writing. Phaedra's coming to understand him, and at the same time she's slowly working her way under his skin. I bet that the old Bishop, back from when he and Phaedra just met, would've gone ahead and kissed her when they had that little moment in chapter 50. He's changed and he doesn't even know it yet :).
Also deserving props is the Phaedra/Shandra friendship - knowing Shandra's fate, my heart is already breaking for Phaedra.
Aaaanyway, there's my little rant/review for ya. I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Moerighan chapter 50 . 8/19/2010
I got to the end and wow, i'm impressed.
Your Bishop is an evil bastard but such as he should be, the Bishop I wrote is too nice dammit lol. I loved the bit with Sand at the end and how he just told her to go for it, how mortifying for a teenager! I'm kind of sad I have to finish reading but at the same time happy because it's only just starting, she hasn't even gotten to the Keep yet, my story was only 35 chapters!
Keep it up, i'm rooting for Phaedra though you've made me dislike Bishop so much I hope she chooses Casavir.
Can't wait to read more!