|Reviews for Child of Light|
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 53 . 10/14/2010
Praise be, the Lord is kind!
You've finally updated!
Oh, how I've miss you!
And you did not disappoint :D
This was an amazing chapter. Probably one of the best yet, in my opinion (character and plot wise, anyway.)
It has more...intensity in it than any of the previous chapters thus far. And you seriously have me super impressed with your Neeshka. There's always been something about her character that just seemed so...flat to me, despite her being so initially fun a quirky. You've done such a phenomenal job fleshing her out, I can hardly believe it. And it's all consistent with the actual character (in a way) that it almost seems that, that's what the game creators intended for her to be. You've taken a food character and transformed her into a really great one, and I can't wait to see what else happens with her! Definitely want to see more of that!
As or Karnwyr, great job! You really game him the fierce, predatory edge that most stories who include him forget to add. Most people tend to forget that he's more than just Bish's lovable, fluffy companion of utter cuteness. He's just as battle scared as Bish himself, and just as dangerous. Though don't get me wrong, it is adorable to see that big, vicious natural killer reduced to a big pile of fluff and love when alone and sharing a moment with his bonded companion x3
Can't wait to see what you do with his POV, too (if you decide to do it.)
Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be a joy to read, and absolutely adorable xD (Idk how serious it is, if it's told in Karnwyrs POV, it's automatically adorable in my eyes xD)
I have more to say, of corse, but I have to go study for a Bio test D:
So I'll continue complimenting you in my next PM xDD
Update soon, or wet fish!
| Moerighan chapter 52 . 9/24/2010
Ah Bishop can lie to himself all he wants be we all know how he feels, and poor Phaedra, he is going to hurt her too badly and it'll be too late by the time he realises how he feels.
Of course I still think he is a bastard and that the girl will come to her senses but you know teenagers lol.
| Minxie chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
I just love the mental gymnastics Bishop has to do to convince himself that Phaedra means nothing to him. If she really was just a 'means to an end' it shouldn't be that hard, right? XD
I'm looking to forward to seeing what you've got in store for us next. Is she really going to kick Bishop out of the group once this quest is done or is he going to find a way around that? :)
| WildGrape chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
Heh, here I am, composing a towel-long PM, and you've alredy posted another chapter:) Well done.
Though, I must admit, I'm still a bit wincing at explicit emotionalism. But now that I think of it, it's not about the substance of the characters' feelings (they are quite true) but, perhaps, the way they express it sometimes - with staggering backwards, gasps, etc. Maybe you can try visualizing the scene for it not to be too theatrical - it tends to draw attention from the feeling itself towards its outward expression, thus a bit bellitling it.
But I did like Bishop's POV, even though he's still overreacting a tad, imho, - still, his thoughs do sound like his. Except for one thing - honestly, would an angry and, I assume, hangovered Bishop think of himself as possessing some dark mystery?:) Not really it seems like him to paint himself so poetically, even more so his seething brain would have probably split in parts from even trying to come up with such a description. I suppose it's more the author speaking here than the ranger, hmm?;)
But apart from the tiny things like mentioned above, you have a very good (if not excellent) general grip of the characters. It's just that tiny things sometimes tend to sore the eye, damn them:)
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 52 . 9/6/2010
Poor Pheadra. For someone like her that really must have been a bombshell.
That Bishop bit was PERFECT. And since its two a.m. and my first day of school is tomorow, Ill tell you why in a PM later :]
| Conrack chapter 51 . 9/2/2010
First off, let me congratulate you on an amazing piece of work so far.
Your writing is impeccable; the pacing is excellent, and I’m amazed at the level of detail you bring to your story.
What I especially like is how much realism you manage to incorporate into such a wildly fantastic story. Like how you portray magic; it’s not set in stone; ‘he cast magic missile’, but rather a fluid, vivid and mysterious force, and that in turn helps elevate the story from a portrayal of rules and classes to a truly organic world of it’s own.
Also, it instills a sense of wonder and mystique at the forces being wielded. It keeps the magic...well magic.
I also thoroughly enjoy how you put your own twists on the story; the Commander of Fort Locke and Marshal Cormick in particular; it shows that just because Phaedra walks the ‘good’ path, everything isn’t automatically sunshine and lollipops; the world is still a cruel place, and people can still be bastards. Which brings me to my next point.
The star of the show; your excellent character portrayal, and here, yet again, you keep things firmly grounded in realism; there are no one-note characters, they all have virtues and vices, even the secondary characters, and the shifting character perspectives are expertly used to tell how a character perceives themselves vs. how everyone else does, often creating a stark contrast. (Ex. how Elanee is seen as a all-wise and flawless being, when she’s actually repressing her own emotions and using Pheadra as a substitute for the child she never had)
And lastly; any way you turn it, there’s bound to be heartbreak aplenty, and that warms the shriveled black artery that twitches somewhere under my sternum. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy happy endings, just not...too happy.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 51 . 8/27/2010
You ought to sell T-shirts. Team Bishop and Team Casavir. I'd totally buy one :D Rofl.
Not to compare your story to twilight _ I'd never insult anyone like that. I refuse to even capitalize the title.
Pheadra's thoughts on Bish reminded me a lot of this song, which I can't remember the name of. But I'm pretty sure you know it, everyone and their mother does. It's just the first few lyrics, which I'm pretty sure are:
"You don't know how you met me.
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye.
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your viens like a fish in the sea."
Just the way you described Pheadras thoughts and feelings as they were leaving the tavern, I'm not sure why, but it made that song pop into my head O_o
Poor Neeshk. I could totally see her as someone who would probably go for Bishop after being exposed to his more "charming" side. And I seriously think Casivir and Elanee are made for eachother _ It's perfect.
Though Shaundra's crush on him is pretty adorable xD But idk, I just couldn't see them together. Aaaah well, she's going to die anyway :P (I know it's horrible, but it's true right?)
Anyway, you were right, for as a Bishop fan, this chapter made me very happy :D
And his random mood swings throughout made me chorckle. One of those things that's funny cause' it's true xD
Anyway, I really love how you developed Neeshkas charecter. People always portray her as being so happy and carefree, which she comes off as, but as you pointed out, I've always sensed that sort of...darkness in her charecter that was hinted at in the game but never quite touched upon.
The scene with Malin confused me. As you said, Bish does everything with a purpose, and I'm still not completly getting this one yet O_o
Am I missing something here?
As always, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter. And so is my incredibly wet, slaptastic pet fish Fletcher :D
I just bought him, he's so cuuuute! And he does tricks! (He does flips in the water!)
| Minxie chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
"I've had one vehemently pro-Bishop review (thanks Minxie)"
Fabulous chapter. That last scene was intense. And the way you wrote the Malin confrontation was an interesting, different take too.
I also loved Neeshka's introspection. It makes me want to chide Phaedra for not paying more attention to her :).
| WildGrape chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
Sooo, okay, here I am. 've been following the story right from the start - so I figured it'll be sort of honest to drop a word. Or two :) Didn't do it earlier because for a long-long time couldn't figure out if I actually like your story or not. To tell the truth, I still don't know - but, hey, I've read up to here and will continue to, so that's already saying something, eh?;)
You surely have a knack for writing. Even though it's really hard for me to follow (not a native speaker here), I'm honestly impressed by your patience and thoroughness in descriptions and explorations. Both in environment, mood and characters. On the other side, though, the latter sometimes seems to flow over the rim - but that's just my personal preference, overly emotional people usually leave the rational pragmatic me baffled and annoyed. And have been doing so from the age I was four:) So if you are interested in a bucket of some cold water from the side (which is good for health and resilience, imo:) PM me and I can provide. If not... well, then shrug me off as some shrew who has nothing better to do for the time than bug others with her opinion:))
Anyway, have a nice day and nice writing.
p.s. the Elemental idea is interesting. I was kind of dissapointed that you left Qara out - she would have made an interesting distorting mirror for Phaedra's character, being of the same age and a sorceress, too - but I can see why you did it:)
| Moerighan chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
Haha I love how you call Sand oily, I always thought he sounded and looked as though something smelly was permanantly stuck under his nose. One of my friends is in love with him for reasons I cannot fathom.
And what Bishop did...
I swear if my boyfriend ever did that to me I would MURDER him!
Phaedra gives into him so easy but then she is still a teenager, I can see her heart getting broken, especially because we all know what is coming...
Great job and I cant wait to read more!
(ps, i am writing a sequel for my fanfic, cos I know it ended rather abruptly, just to let you know that was my intention all along... I should probably note that at the end of the final chapter...)
| Gaspode chapter 51 . 8/24/2010
A chapter for Bishop fan girls indeed. I almost squeed, although I try to tell myself I’m above such things. So here’s some more ramblings and not quite a review.
It is very clever the way you allow Bishop to descend into utter cruelty and depravity, only to turn around and show that what he did was actually an act of kindness, of sorts. And you do it the other way around too. It keeps the reader off balance and that is why Bishop’s character is so interesting. It also tells the reader something about the fact that Bishop doesn’t very much like himself, making sure to let Phaedra know how bad he actually is whilst at the same time wanting her to come with him. Do I detect some torn emotions here perhaps?
I thought Neeshka’s little moment very good. She is after all a darker character than the game sometimes presents her as. Also, her torn emotions towards Phaedra felt real and made her very vulnerable and therefore, in my mind, more likeable. She’s far too perky in a lot of the stories out there. Having her fancying Bishop is a good idea since he’s the one in the group that closest shares her kind of dark and abused past as well as her dubious morals.
I enjoyed the insight into Elanee’s mind for almost the same reasons. She’s so confident bordering on arrogant and insufferable in the almost smug lectures that she gives you in the game. The way you present her makes her much more real. Her insecurities and fears make it easier to warm to her. I find myself almost annoyed with Casavir who’s so blinded by ‘Phaedra on the pedestal’ that he barely notices this lovely and kind elven woman. Love is indeed selfish. I liked the emphasis you put on Elanee’s discomfort with being in a town, surrounded by people. I can so sympathize with that.
What can I say? Keep it coming.
| Minxie chapter 50 . 8/21/2010
Wooo, loving the story. It certainly took a while to read so far but I think your pacing is perfect.
In particular I love the way you've been building up character relationships. This is why I love fanfics for forgotten realms games, because they add so much depth to the characters, especially when they're good like yours.
Lol you should know the only thing I can criticize you for is Casavir, and... that's not even really a criticism. He drove me nuts in the game because of his bland-blandiness and for his walking talking Paladin caricature shtick, and he drives me equally nuts in your fanfic because... you've written him so well. He's exactly like the game version. XD
I was reading the most recent chapters of your fic on my Kindle (I uploaded them onto it this morning so I could finish reading them at work today ;) ), and if you're familiar with the Kindle reader, you may know that you can write little notes and highlight passages of text on it. Well... my annoyance with Casavir got so extreme that I couldn't help but interject my own little comments. They all showed up as a list on my Kindle at the end of the day:
"Phaedra and Casavir were meant to be together, of that Elanee was certain"
"She cannot fall for him, Elanee"
Me: Arrghh, the arrogance!
"Bishop was so unworthy of her... every moment, every smile"
"But once things return to normal between the two of you... I do not think he will be a problem"
Me: WTF you talkin about Elanee
"She did not look upon him as Shandra did, as a knight, protector, an ideal... with her he felt like nothing but a man"
Me: Oh on the contrary, sir!
"Tyr... how did such beauty exist? How did he protect something so precious?"
Me: Gag, give me a break
In case you couldn't tell, I sincerely hope it won't be Casavir/Phaedra in the end XD.
But seriously now, if your intention was to make Casavir utterly irksome, you have succeeded. Or maybe I'm the only one who's rubbed the wrong way by the way he thinks it's twue wuv after knowing Phaedra two minutes, and only because he's got this ridiculous image of what he thinks she is in his head, when he really doesn't see her at all. And of course every other day he gets all controlling over her, assuming he knows best about eeeeeverything (Elanee does it too, but I forgive her because of her many other redemptive qualities... and because she was a very useful party member in the game D). What's even more annoying is that Casavir is assuming that he and Phaedra are going to run off into the sunset together at the end of this, like it's only a matter of time... Just another way that he doesn't really see her at all, because he's oblivious about her and Bishop's connection, which he dismisses as nothing.
And I CAN'T be the only one creeped out by the fact that Casavir is like thirty-something and drooling over sixteen year old Phaedra. Seriously, Casavir has lived almost a lifetime more than baby Phaedra - there's like a gaping chasm between them when it comes to life experience. At least Bishop is closer to her age (he's like early twenties or something), and he's even at a similar maturity level ;).
I do, naturally, commend your grasp of Bishop. You started with this twisted relationship between him and Phaedra, and the way you've made it progress gradually but steadily into something less and less twisted and more and more compelling is just fabulous writing. Phaedra's coming to understand him, and at the same time she's slowly working her way under his skin. I bet that the old Bishop, back from when he and Phaedra just met, would've gone ahead and kissed her when they had that little moment in chapter 50. He's changed and he doesn't even know it yet :).
Also deserving props is the Phaedra/Shandra friendship - knowing Shandra's fate, my heart is already breaking for Phaedra.
Aaaanyway, there's my little rant/review for ya. I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Moerighan chapter 50 . 8/19/2010
I got to the end and wow, i'm impressed.
Your Bishop is an evil bastard but such as he should be, the Bishop I wrote is too nice dammit lol. I loved the bit with Sand at the end and how he just told her to go for it, how mortifying for a teenager! I'm kind of sad I have to finish reading but at the same time happy because it's only just starting, she hasn't even gotten to the Keep yet, my story was only 35 chapters!
Keep it up, i'm rooting for Phaedra though you've made me dislike Bishop so much I hope she chooses Casavir.
Can't wait to read more!
| Moerighan chapter 3 . 8/17/2010
i'm only 3 chapters in and i'm already awed by this story, my ownfeels inadequate now lol. it makes me happy that i still have 47 to read, can't wait to see what happens next.
| Agata93 chapter 50 . 8/13/2010
owww..this chapter reminds me so much of my first kiss which I have few weeks ago with someone I knew only few hours and the next day he acted like nothing happened but still it was kinda magical:) (It was at Woodstock and he was from another town) Sorry to write about such silly stuff but I've got a feeling like this chapter was written just for me:P
Anyway so much Bishop! I absolutely love it( it's a shame he didn't kiss her when he was at top of her- then it will be all the same like I have;)) At least she was nearly kissed by someone who she knows for more than few days.
I can't wait for next chapter!