|Reviews for Child of Light|
| Gaspode chapter 58 . 7/7/2011
Firstly: Welcome back. I’m so relieved that you haven’t abandoned this story.
Secondly: Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Everybody has their interpretation of Bishop and although I admit that my own idea of him is a bit more like the cynical man with a barely veiled darkness that he comes off as in the game, it doesn’t mean your version of him is wrong. Your writing style is of the more melodramatic kind and I can see that a more ‘angsty’ Bishop might fit into that. However, if you feel you haven’t managed to present your own idea of him as well as you’d wish, then yes it might be good to make a few adjustments. Kudos to you for doing what so many writers should but don't bother to do; go back and review the story so far.
I haven’t re-read the changed chapters properly but I’ve skimmed through them (I’ll probably re-read everything soon anyway) and I just came across a couple of minor things.
“Bishop was most likely teasing her, just trying to put her off edge for his own amusement.” – “put her off edge” sounds strange, I think it might work better with either ‘put her off for his own..’ or ‘put her on edge for his own..’
“It was Luskan...the thought of that place. It always, always...set him off edge.” - ‘put him on edge’ seems so fit better. I don’t know if it’s because English isn’t my native language but ‘off edge’ just sounds wrong.
“Somewhere in there was the girl who'd screamed as she'd fought tooth and nail to kill that Gith who'd destroyed her home; who'd attacked Luskan-trained assassins with nothing but a tiny knife to save her life, who'd almost kissed him because she was a woman and she'd wanted him.” - You might want to update that since the ‘almost kissing’ scene is no more.
Some of the changes you’ve made to Bishop serves the dual purpose of also more clearly show how the other companions manipulate with friendship. They are Phaedra’s friends but all of them, except possibly Khelgar, use her and manipulate her to their own ends. They tell themselves that it’s only to protect Phaedra and for her own good but it’s still manipulation. In a way they take her choices away from her at the same time as they tell her to grow up and be strong. It’s very apparent in chapter 55 when Elanee is caught spying on Phaedra, despite her own talk of caring and trust. Bishop may not want the best for Phaedra but he does show her some ugly truths that she needs to see.
I must admit that the more I read the less I feel sympathy for Phaedras ‘good’ companions. They’re all trying to make Phaedra into their own personal image of what they think she’s supposed to be. Casavir resorts to semantics “"You are not a warlock" Casavir said firmly "A warlock is one who uses hellish power, who embraces it. You fight it"”. Again Kehlgar is the exception and Neeshka who simply wants companionship.
As always your interpretation of the events in the game is engaging and has the feel of a novel rather than a game loosely turned into a story. The battle was riveting and I found myself sniggering at Bishop ‘thinking these things, not because of his concern for Phaedra, but simply because he wanted to get back at Luskan, so there!’
Here's me hoping for another chapter soon.
| voltagelisa chapter 58 . 7/6/2011
Excellent chapter, the fight scene where she uses her eldritch powers was well done. I didn't expect that but it was perfect for that scene. Using it under great duress.
I can't wait for the next chapter where she is back in West Harbour and sees Daeghun also the out come of Lorne's death when she returns the body. It will be interesting, hopefully the wait isn't too long.
| Gaspode chapter 57 . 4/5/2011
An interesting take on the trial and very dramatic. I enjoy seeing how you take a familiar scene from the game and make it your own, without turning it into something unrecognisable. Your version is always unexpected and refreshing.
I've said it before but a part of what makes your version of NWN 2 so good is the way you give every character his or her moment. You flesh them out and give them unexpected depths. Even Lorne has, in this short time, become something more than just a cardboard cut out brute and I feel for Phaedra and her dilemma.
One very minor gripe is it would have been interesting to hear the reactions of some of Phaedra's companions, to what transpired during the trial. It was a close call for her and to most of them the fact that she's a Warlock would come as a shock. Now this is, of course, just my personal opinion.
It's nice that you're making Shandra into the solidly supporting character I think she was meant to be in the game. She's the ordinary person, the girl next door, caught up in exceptional circumstances and all she has is her strength of spirit and common sense.
I also find Sand's 'betrayal' interesting. The road to disaster is, as they say, paved with good intentions. It seems to be a re occurring theme, that Phaedra's companions can't make up their minds if they want to protect her in her youth or want her to be strong and stand on her own two feet. They all want her to be 'the saviour' and yet they hide things from her because they think she can't handle the truth.
Another chapter worth waiting for.
| Lobeira chapter 54 . 3/15/2011
Wow. I just.. wow. I know I should've been reviewing your story from the very first chapter, but all I can say is that from the very first page I was sucked into this story. I am absolutely loving the characterization you're putting into every character and your story has made me want to play this game.
I've never actually played Neverwinter Nights, but I've heard about and I've played Dragon Age which is what interested me in Bioware's games. This is all really just a round-about way of telling you that I find that you're explaining everything perfectly and the quests Phaedra is going on never seem to be super contrived like it sometimes happens in games where quest-givers are all like "Hey, please kill _" :P.
I really enjoy reading Bishop (the bad boy attitude gets to me, haha) and I like how you make him included in the party without some weird reasons and yet having everyone dislike him at the same time. Phaedra's magnetic attraction to him is amazingly intricate too. The part that I love the most here and so far is the bond between Bishop and Karnwyr. Your writing is amazing at conveying the subtleties of their relationship without making any of them sound soft or having some magic to it, like being able to telepathically communicate or feel emotions or something. When Elanee thinks "And yet she dared not back down, they were animals, the both of them, they respected only strength." I just thought that that whole paragraph was absolutely amazing. I love stories with animals that don't just push them into the background as some familiar that comes in handy.. sometimes. It feels as if Karnwyr is an actual group member and his presence is just always there.
UGH. There's just too many things to praise about this story and the way you write the characters. I like that you take the time to develop each character individually, even though it must take a long time, especially with Phaedra picking up more and more it seems. In the earlier chapters I saw your author's note on not including two characters that apparently could've joined up? That was probably a good choice when you already have such a large group of characters to write for :P.
I can't wait to read more of this! I'm sort of torn between playing the game now or waiting for you to write more, because this really does feel like an epic novel and if I played the game I'm afraid I might get spoilers on where you might take this ;P. The whole mystery surrounding the King of Shadows and Garius is really really interesting, and Phaedra's whole latent-warlockness... the plot is really thickening.
PS. Casavir both amuses me and frustrates me. I've never really liked people who were so fully dedicated into their religion, especially paladin-like men. And yet, it's sort of humbling at the same time to see him so implacable and unmoving in his beliefs for his god. BAH! Frustrating man!
| Minxie chapter 56 . 2/20/2011
Lol this quite a trial. I'm not sure if Torio would really be allowed by the judge to make it into such a spectacle (from what I know about Neverwinter, and especially considering this is supposed to be a trial for a member of the nobility) but it's a fun read. XD
I loved Bishop in this chapter too - I wish he'd swear in the game like he does here! Hehehe
Oh... and did you just have Sand reference Mass Effect with 'disingenuous assertions'? I love you! (Would have been even better if he'd followed that up by punching Torio in the face)
| Gaspode chapter 56 . 2/18/2011
Hmm, I'm inclined to agree, a very interesting chapter and a good one too.
There's a very nice build up of tension during the court scene, even without the cliff hanger and Torio seems much more of a threat than merely a scheming badly dressed tart.
To have her luring Bishop to have sex with her was a master stroke. It fits very well into the story although I suspect she's finding him a bit harder to manipulate than expected.
Casavir's reaction to seeing Phaedra all dressed up is great. She's basically embodying his 'fantasy' vision of who he hopes her to be. Bishop's dislike of what he sees is a nice contrast and the men's different reactions to Phaedra's appearance says a lot about them.
You already have Sand's character down pitch perfect and the same can be said about the rest of the companions. Your Bishop has always been very good but the additional bad language has improved his characterization further. I suspect you're going to have to dredge the deepest recesses of your mind to find enough variations of 'bad' words in order to emulate the colourful way of expressing himself that I imagine Bishop has. It's curious that whilst I imagine his speech being very coarse at times I don't see him as an uneducated man. In my mind, as an assassin, he'd need to be a bit of a jack-of-all-trades which means a certain level of education.
I must say that your version of Bishop is, in one word, delicious and your description of him waking up in the brothel reinforces that. The scars from a whip are another nice touch. I remember thinking about that when working on my new art trade; that it would be a fair chance that he's been beaten on several occasions during his life considering his background.
Please don't let me hang from this cliff for too long.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 55 . 1/26/2011
Wow! Great chapter!
I'm rather sick right now, but it's just been so long sice I've checked my e-mail, I had to sneek on xD I'm sure you understand. But my head is throbbig in the most horrible way at the momment,and I'm a bit drowsy, so this isn't really going to be my longest review. But when I saw you updated, I simply COULDN'T wait to read and leave a review, particularly after you mentioned me in your authors note xD
Black Garius was appropriatly creepy. I liked how you went into his background with Torio, it was a rather interesting twist that I wouln't have expected :) I can see how it would be tough to write his character :P Not only do you have to write about all the crazy things that go through his mind, you also have to be ale to explain his twisted justifications behind his actions and feelings, which you did a very good job of.
I loved the bit with Pheadra trying to have a bonding momment with Karnwyr xD It was almost cute, in a way, especially how you portrayed Karnwyr's personality. He was approriatly prideful and stubborn, just like his buddy ;)
The scene with Bishop and Pheadra was just flat out awesome. The heated argument followed almost immediatley by that intense...I don't know what to call it, bonding (? lol) momment was just an epic scene. Gotta love those mood swings :)
And you've also managed to officially put Elanee on my list D:
When she interupted, I wanted to hit her in the throat D: Seriously Elanee,you creepy stalker!
Not only were they haveing a momment,but Pheadra had also been doing some much needed loosening up :d You could really feel the stress just comeing off her in waves these last few chapters,and the argument seemed to let off some of her steam and relax her a bit.
I think Bishop is really starting to throw Pheadra off, like she doesn't even know what she thinks about him anymore xD Poor girl :P But not to worry Pheadra! If you ever tire of Bish and his crazy hommicidal lash outs and crazy PMS mood swings, I'll gladly take him off your hands ;3
And I love how Bishop is secretly trying to help her out in his own Bishopy way, trying to make he see things in a more realistic way and toughen her up ;P
But I think Sand had a point when he said his and Pheadra's was the simplest and cleanest of all the realationships in the group. This poor girl has some of the most manipulative teammates you can get all fighting for control xD
I'm really looking forward to the trial, I can hardly wait to see what you're going to do with it! I know you'll pobably add all sorts of fun twists to it :D
Update soon, or as soon as I get well again I'll hunt you down with a wet fish just waiting to slap you! :3
| Gaspode chapter 55 . 1/24/2011
Firstly I just wanted to say that your chapters are always worth waiting for, they give so much food for thought and weave intriguing patters out of the story and its characters.
The Black Garius point of view was very nicely done, sinister and boding. I think it’s needed since the pretext for his existence in the game always felt, if not flimsy, so at least a bit two dimensional, like a bad excuse not to introduce The Shadow King to early.
The relationship between Phaedra and Bishop is an interesting one. You describe their complex connection to each other very well. Also, there’s a nice bit of sexual tension in this chapter, sadly interrupted by Elanee’s attempt at protecting Phaedra. Ah, well. In a way Phaedra and Bishop seems like Yin and Yang, two opposites that balance each other. Bishop’s influence over Phaedra isn’t necessarily all bad and Phaedra definitely has a good influence on Bishop. Rubbing off on each other (no lurid pun intended) they might make better individuals, that is, if the Shadow King doesn’t get in the way.
I doubt it matters all that much but I think in the game Bishop is in his late twenties, I read it somewhere. In a late medieval world that would mean he’s definitely mature but not old. That said, this is fantasy after all, so he can be any age that suits the story. You might want to check the timeline though to make sure you make him old enough to fit in all the things he’s supposedly done in his past; getting snatched up by the Luskan army, the Circle of Blades, becoming a ranger and so forth.
I must admit that I sniggered at Sand calling Bishop delinquent and barbarian. It’s interesting also, how Sand disdainfully discards Casavir’s, Bishop’s and Elanee’s care for Phaedra, in favour of his own particular brand. If the sly elf isn’t careful he’ll fall for her too.
I’ve finally updated the Phaedra portrait. She looks quite different now I’m afraid, so if you don’t like it, feel free to remove the link.
| Gaspode chapter 54 . 1/10/2011
Another excellent chapter and I can only second what 'Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname' says in her/his review.
I'm so happy you included Karnwyr and I love the way you portray him and Bishop's relationship.
Elanee is indeed creepy. I found her unsettling in the game too since she essentially confesses to stalking you. She gives an impression of being obsessed with the PC and, of course, if you're male in the game, she may fall in love with you which just makes her appear even more unstable. Here I can imagine her obsession being fuelled by her desperate attempts at denying her feelings for Casavir and her, no doubt, jealousy at his feelings for Phaedra. It is easy to forget though, that Elanee, as an elf, is rather young and inexperienced herself. Next to humans and half humans she may appear old and wise but I remember that in the game she at some point says that she's considered little more than a novice by her Circle, her watching over the PC being a kind of test.
I very much liked the scene where Bishop kills the Dryad although my interpretation differs a bit from Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname's. I can very well imagine Bishop, to whom this forest obviously means a lot, do what he did, since the Dryad and her forest are both obviously already dying from the poison the Dryad herself has created. In his mind, I suspect, it's no more like putting a dying beast out of it's misery. I can also imagine that the act is coloured by revenge since the Dryad herself is responsible for the poison, for killing 'his' forest. Maybe, in the twisted murk of his subconscious, there's also revenge for her part in the razing of Ember, maybe... Either way, the way he does it, so callously and brutally, is all Bishop. It reminds me a time I found a mouse injured by a trap. Even though I knew the kindest thing would be to kill it, I felt squeamish. I ended up dropping a breeze block on it, in the back yard. I felt terrible.
This chapter was well worth the wait.
Oh, and thank you so much for referencing my picture. I'm very flattered. I'm currently working on 'improving' it a little, parallel to my other work, since I've gotten a little bit more hang of using digital paining tools.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 54 . 1/7/2011
"And what was she trying to pull anyway? Karnwyr didn't work with anyone else, no matter how nice they played with him. She'd better not be trying to get cozy with him behind Bishop's back."
That bit made this chapter for me...truly, as soon as I read it I burst into giggles xD It seemed more like our dear Bishop was getting jealous of her going behind his back to get cozy with his lover, rather than his animal companion xD
And speaking of companions, I loved the way you described the bond between Bishop and Karnwyr. You portrayed them as being true equals, which most authors try and fail at doing, instead making Karnwyr seem more like a loyal pet. However, you could really feel that sense of equality, of comradely, and it really made their bond just feel all the stronger. It was certainly a unique portrayal, and one that I enjoyed. But then, I had no doubt that you'd pull it off smashingly :)
I can't even begin to express the excitement I felt when I saw you had updated! It's been far too long my friend! I've been feeling very down lately, and when I saw the update note I nearly let out a squeal of joy x3 And as usual, the wait was well worth it, you certainly did not disappoint ;) I noticed one or two typos, but as I've said, I don't really keep too much of an open eye out for mistakes, so long as they aren't huge monstrosities staring me in the face ( in which case I'll certainly point them out). However, I'm too much of a flawed human being myself to really keep an eye out for another persons mistakes, and I'm sure you have plenty of other readers keeping an eye out for those sorts of things, so I'll just keep to my business of reviewing the story its self and commenting on how much I just adore the way you're playing with these character :)
And as one of the Bishop fans of this story, I must say, I rather loved what you did with him in this chapter. You've been dropping the tiniest hints to us about Bishop's past, just a few here or there- not enough to put the puzzle together, but just enough to wet the appetite and leave us guessing. However, this chapter was just chock full full of them, and now I'm just flat out anticipating the revalation of his story. What was this screw up that led to him having to constantly watch his back, and why, with Lusaka probably looking for him after the whole incident with his "assignment" did he feel secure enough not to be constantly watching his back to begin with? I'm so curious! xD
And the scene where he killed the dryad was...perfect Bishop. Ruthless, unfeeling, and completely unpredictable. And the fact that he destroyed the life of an entire forest along with it, (the wilderness being where he feels most at home, most connected to everything), and a forest that used to be his home on top of that, without any feeling or remorse what so ever was almost...symbolic in a way. I don't know, maybe it was me, but it struck me as being rather deep, a very strong indicator of the chaotic evil aspects of his character. Bishop is a very dark character, with a lack of regard for life of any sort that verges on being psychopathic, something which many authors tend to forget, but which you seem to have captured perfectly in him. If ever we needed a reminder of the true nature hiding behind that ever charming face of his, there you have it. Kudos to you!
And poor Phaedra :/ I can only imagine the confusion she must be going through right now. I know I must sound like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over,but that's because it never ceases to amaze me that this girl is facing all of this at the young age of sixteen (which in most fanatics, wouldn't matter, b/c for most authors sixteen means twenty :P) However, you keep all of those same teenage girl insecurities and weaknesses in her, which makes this already heavy burden bearing down on her shoulders ten time worse. We teenagers tend to make mountains out of mole hills as it is, without threat of death hanging over our heads or the weight of the responsibility of having an entire village slaughtered because of us weighing down on our conscience. And our teenage years are so confusing as it is, with all of the conflicting feelings and mood swings, especially for we females. Poor Phaedra is being torn into a million single directions at once, and while at first glace, her constant fretting makes her seem like a bit of a whiny character, when you take into account her age and all that she's going through, I'm surprised she's hasn't just gone completely into witdraw yet xD Good on you Phaedra love, keep at it girl! But while I do love these subtle changes we've been seeing in her, I do hope that she isn't completely destroyed in the end by what she endures :( It would be such a shame to see such lively youth age before her time and give in to the harshness of life like that,truly. She certainly needs to adjust her views on a few things and grow a thicker shell, but to see her completely hardened would be a shame. Lets hope it doesn't come down to that.
As for Elanee...
Elanee, Elanee, Elanee. At first, your portrayal of her came off as being a protective, motherly character toward Phaedra. However, as the story goes on and progresses, I've noticed a change that is starting to become ever more noticeable. While at first she seems to harbor maternal feelings for Phaedra due to her long years spent watching her, silently protecting her, I've noticed that as of late, this desire of hers to protect and shelter her have become a sort of...obsession or something. It reached levels that are starting to verge on just plain creepy O_o I seem to be at a loss of words with which to explain, but, do you understand what I'm getting at? I don' know, maybe it's just me, but it' just something I've taken notice of xD
And while I'm on the topic of Elanee and noticing things, I have something else I'd like to point out (though this is just my own interpretation). As I've re-read the chapters, I've noticed that Casavir and Elanee both, while at first glance only seem to have Phaedra's best interests at heart, are actually rather controlling of her, in an almost villainous way, using her like their puppet and keeping her dancing on her strings with offers of "stability" and "friendship". Its very subtle at first, so much so that it's easy to look over and miss, but after Bishop comes in it becomes rather clear. It's not really all that dramatic, but they just always seem to be putting things into Phaedra's head, dropping hints that she's oblivious to yet nevertheless goes along with, trying to keep her modeled in their own image, to keep her thinking like them. They probably don't even realize that they're doing it themselves, but that sense is still there, and the whole issue about Bishop joining the group is a perfect example. Because of her fear of what Casavir might think, or what Elanee may say, she almost turned him down. Other instances or more subtle, and I'm too lazy too look back in the chapters to find them, but I've noticed them there :/ But that's probably just something I'm looking too much into xD But they way I'm looking at them, they come off to me as, as "good" as they are, being the real bad guys here, always so up on their high horses and doing everything they can to keep Phaedra up there with them. They also seem to look down on those of the party who don't share their same beliefs, while those that do are fine by them (Neeshka, for example. And of coarse, Neeshka is also the member Phaedra tends to neglect the most.)...the list goes on and on :/ Bishop seems to be the only exception, being the only thing that Phaedra will actually go against Elanee and Casavir on, even if it's only a little. But then, that's only because he's able to out manipulate them xD
Shandra, at this point, just seems to be the only one that really has Phaedra's own best interests at heart anymore xD All the while, our poor heroine just remains completely oblivious. Like I said, that's just something that just sort of jumped out at me that I wanted to throw out there :d
Other than that, I've really nothing more to say, other than, you had better update again soon, or I'll beat you with a wet fish! (Which may I add are now quite rotten, after having been left sitting here waiting to be used as threats for so long *gives a firm finger wagging*)
As always, I loved, loved, looooooved the chapter, and I await the next installment eagerly! Until then, I wish you well!
| Gaspode chapter 53 . 10/28/2010
A somewhat belated review but better late than never, or so I’ve been told…
I’m inclined to agree with what Wild Grape mentions in her review, I like your writing or otherwise I wouldn’t be reading it, but sometimes your characters musings becomes so intricate and complex they almost trip themselves up. They can get a little bogged down. I think I mentioned something like this somewhere in the distant past but Wild Grape put it a little bit better than me. In no way do I suggest you change your style of writing, it’s great, but it might be good to be aware of these things so they don’t become too overpowering.
As always I like the way you give all the characters time to shine. You allow them all to develop and become more than just ‘extras’ in the background. I really like what you’ve done with Neeshka. She’s a great character and bringing out her insecurities and jealousy makes her feel like so much more than just this quirky sidekick she is in the game.
As for Karnwyr, what can I say? You’ve done a great job. He’s a proper wild animal, as battle scarred and dangerous as Bishop and no cuddly little pet. I’m so glad you allowed him along for the ride.
You manage very nicely to put your own little twist on the story, without changing it altogether, such as letting Karnwyr sniff out the poisoned body.
All in all you’re succeeding very well in writing a proper novel version of NWN2 and making it your own. I just hope you don’t run out of steam before the end since I’m looking forward to see what more twists you can come up with.
| Idiotwhocantthinkofapenname chapter 53 . 10/14/2010
Praise be, the Lord is kind!
You've finally updated!
Oh, how I've miss you!
And you did not disappoint :D
This was an amazing chapter. Probably one of the best yet, in my opinion (character and plot wise, anyway.)
It has more...intensity in it than any of the previous chapters thus far. And you seriously have me super impressed with your Neeshka. There's always been something about her character that just seemed so...flat to me, despite her being so initially fun a quirky. You've done such a phenomenal job fleshing her out, I can hardly believe it. And it's all consistent with the actual character (in a way) that it almost seems that, that's what the game creators intended for her to be. You've taken a food character and transformed her into a really great one, and I can't wait to see what else happens with her! Definitely want to see more of that!
As or Karnwyr, great job! You really game him the fierce, predatory edge that most stories who include him forget to add. Most people tend to forget that he's more than just Bish's lovable, fluffy companion of utter cuteness. He's just as battle scared as Bish himself, and just as dangerous. Though don't get me wrong, it is adorable to see that big, vicious natural killer reduced to a big pile of fluff and love when alone and sharing a moment with his bonded companion x3
Can't wait to see what you do with his POV, too (if you decide to do it.)
Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be a joy to read, and absolutely adorable xD (Idk how serious it is, if it's told in Karnwyrs POV, it's automatically adorable in my eyes xD)
I have more to say, of corse, but I have to go study for a Bio test D:
So I'll continue complimenting you in my next PM xDD
Update soon, or wet fish!
| Moerighan chapter 52 . 9/24/2010
Ah Bishop can lie to himself all he wants be we all know how he feels, and poor Phaedra, he is going to hurt her too badly and it'll be too late by the time he realises how he feels.
Of course I still think he is a bastard and that the girl will come to her senses but you know teenagers lol.
| Minxie chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
I just love the mental gymnastics Bishop has to do to convince himself that Phaedra means nothing to him. If she really was just a 'means to an end' it shouldn't be that hard, right? XD
I'm looking to forward to seeing what you've got in store for us next. Is she really going to kick Bishop out of the group once this quest is done or is he going to find a way around that? :)
| WildGrape chapter 52 . 9/7/2010
Heh, here I am, composing a towel-long PM, and you've alredy posted another chapter:) Well done.
Though, I must admit, I'm still a bit wincing at explicit emotionalism. But now that I think of it, it's not about the substance of the characters' feelings (they are quite true) but, perhaps, the way they express it sometimes - with staggering backwards, gasps, etc. Maybe you can try visualizing the scene for it not to be too theatrical - it tends to draw attention from the feeling itself towards its outward expression, thus a bit bellitling it.
But I did like Bishop's POV, even though he's still overreacting a tad, imho, - still, his thoughs do sound like his. Except for one thing - honestly, would an angry and, I assume, hangovered Bishop think of himself as possessing some dark mystery?:) Not really it seems like him to paint himself so poetically, even more so his seething brain would have probably split in parts from even trying to come up with such a description. I suppose it's more the author speaking here than the ranger, hmm?;)
But apart from the tiny things like mentioned above, you have a very good (if not excellent) general grip of the characters. It's just that tiny things sometimes tend to sore the eye, damn them:)