|Reviews for Last Dance with Shinobu chan|
| Quis Custodiet chapter 15 . 8/17
This was a great story. I'm actually ashamed that so many people who reviewed it didn't get it at all. I've had that happen to me a few times as well, so my advice is basically just to ignore them. They're obviously heathens who don't understand how to read literature.
Personally I felt that the entire fiction, particularly the ending between Keitaro and Naru worked as great criticism of the entire manga/anime (or you might even say the entire childhood friends/fated destiny trope). In a way, this story should almost be labeled as Parody.
I have to admit that I was pulling for Keitaro to finally "man up" if you will towards the end, but I know that this would have been a terrible ending because the story isn't about him. We both know that Keitaro had to keep being Keitaro all the way to the end for Shinobu to get her character development and to close out the story in a way that was meaningful. And on that note I want to give you some recognition for sticking with the hard, but appropriate, downer ending. Let's be honest, people read "fanfiction" mostly as an exercise in wish fulfillment and very few people write it as anything else but that, so it's laudable to see someone put forth a serious effort that eschews this.
Honestly, this is one of the better fanfictions I've read on this site and I'm not one to gush, so rather than offer any trite praise, I'm just going to say that I can entirely see what you were trying to do with this story and I think you pretty much hit it exactly on the head.
Seriously though, thanks for the great read.
| Guest chapter 15 . 3/8/2014
Your perception on princes are incredibly inaccurate. Not to mention there are "plenty" still around. Not to mention Sultan's,An Emperor,A King,and well...you get the picture. They have longer marriages than most common folk.(and yes that includes the 70s marriages.) Not to mention we still have born bred princesses,queens,and baroness's. Kinda coming of as a man hater. I'm just sayin'.
| A Reader chapter 16 . 3/8/2014
Can't agree with the she being better part. Then again I don't agree with most of it except the Motoko part.
| Guest chapter 16 . 3/8/2014
Male protection,nor chivalry are illustrious. Shinobu put herself in a box...no one else. (Western women love to keep blaming society for their moral beliefs that "they" keep breaking.) Shinobu herself was insecure with her body,and feelings. She is an older girl,who is infactuated with an adult male,with whom she stays with yet can't have. Its not as deep as you're spinning it to me. Not to mention she was really rude towards the end. Oh well that's my review
| Ibskib chapter 15 . 10/28/2012
A pretty downer ending, I think this fic would fit better in the angst genre, rather than drama. I've read the appendix and can understand the author's POV, still I think it's a shame things go so badly for Shinobu, and I'm never a fan of Keitaro ending up with someone that routinously abuses him. A shame this version of him seems to think that fate is a great substitution for having a spine.
A part of my disappointment is simply the fact that there's so few Shinobu/Keitaro fics when this fic doesn't ship them, but that's my own fault for not taking the title to heart :-)
| Thalanox chapter 16 . 2/20/2012
I'm kind of unhappy with how this story ended. Here's my basic working summary:
Keitaro is hopelessly in love with Naru. Character attribute.
Shinobu is in love with Keitaro. Character attribute.
Keitaro only has eyes for Naru, Shinobu likes Keitaro.
Shinobu, as a result of some fast thinking while at school, has to ask Keitaro to her prom.
Keitaro agrees, and Shinobu is very happy about this.
House shenanigans ensue after the news gets out. This is not fun.
Shinobu and Keitaro go to her prom.
They confide things to each other and bond. Character development!
Keitaro seriously considers Shinobu, but cannot commit because he's still thinking of playing out his role in the old promise he made with Naru.
Naru is hospitalized due to her inability to control her anger.
Keitaro apologizes to Shinobu about how this ruins prom and offers to bring her along to the hospital room so they they can both be there for a friend.
Shinobu doesn't like this, and tells Keitaro what she really thinks about his embarrassing confession earlier, and how he's a loser and a sucker who is too trusting and naive. Rough Patch!
Keitaro is badly hurt by this, and leaves Shinobu at the prom area so he can go to the hospital room.
Both regret the incident.
Shinobu leaves the prom to go to a friend's house where she has a chat, tea, and character development.
Keitaro goes to the hospital room so he can be with his injured friend / possibly-later-girlfriend. Is promptly beaten by Naru badly enough that the other characters are worried he will be killed. (Motoko seems distinctly pleased about this prospect)
Shinobu shows up at the hospital. Naru forces Keitaro outside to meet her.
Shinobu and Keitaro dance.
Keitaro: "I love you." Character Development! Finally!
Recall that Shinobu has been strongly enamored of Keitaro for the entire story so far.
Shinobu: "On second thought, I don't love you. Go back to being in an abusive one-way relationship." Dramatic Twist ending!
Super Short Summary:
Keitaro: I love Naru!
Shinobu: I love Keitaro!
Keitaro: I love you, Shinobu!
Shinobu: It's been fun, but I don't love you. Go be abused again.
I guess I might be using the word "abusive" too much in my summaries (once each), but that's how the Keitaro / Naru relationship is portrayed in this story. I'm also trying to figure out why the only reviews that express sympathy for a character are all for Shinobu. I'd say she came out ahead overall. Keitaro seems more like a case of yanking the dog's chain and playing with his emotions.
Shinobu's character develops the most consistently over the course of the story, so, despite the difficult sections of the story, I think that she's gained more than she's lost. Keitaro, however, just seems to get the shit end of the stick despite the effort, intent, and character development on his part. I think that you did Keitaro's character development arc fairly well. It's very slow and minimal for a large part of the story which shows that he's a very static character, unwilling to change or learn. I think that this would have been enough to demonstrate his relative immaturity without resorting to the somewhat heavy-handed "fate" theme.
The sections with Motoko being a lesbian who has the hots for Shinobu seemed entirely peripheral to the plot, and a bit mishandled. I don't think this represents her character at all, but it has been a very long time since I've seen the series so take that last criticism with a grain of salt.
You may have gone slightly overboard with the "dresses and teacups" metaphor for identity and growing up, but that's minor.
I think that a good strength of your writing is all the padding. The random, mostly-inconsequential character interactions that help to smooth the main plot out. This seems to have been done very well, especially for someone's second ever story.
| Anthony1l chapter 16 . 12/22/2011
This story is hilarious, interesting, original, touching, and unique.
| DeactivatedAccount111 chapter 15 . 12/4/2011
Good story, though I feel bad for Shinobu-chan.
| Officer Hot-Pants chapter 5 . 10/18/2011
Oh. My. God.
I didn't think spit-takes happened in real life, our at least not organically. I now realize the error of my belief. That was hilarious, pure and simple. To be honest, I was getting a little bored, but not anymore!
| JMK2 chapter 16 . 1/23/2011
That was... interesting. A bit tragic for my tastes but was well done none the less. However I must admit the tones of this story are something I would expect more from NGE fanfiction. The psychological depth and tragic romance aspects just seem to scream 'Evangelion' to me. Still good job and was definitely a worthwhile read.
| insomniac1970 chapter 15 . 1/6/2011
It was an interesting story. I wondered why you slapped the M rating on it though, other than for the non-graphic masturbation scene in the beginning and the very minor violence. I am kinda glad that there wasn't Keitaro/Shinobu lemons in this. I do think that she is the only character that you really like in Love Hina. I say this because she's only one that you have breaking free from her past. In the manga, they all do, to a point. Anyway, it was entertaining. Good job!
| MasterSprtn117 chapter 15 . 2/12/2010
Amazing story...poor Shinobu.
You write quite well. The story was very well thought out and it was awesomely saddening. I'd give this story a ten out of ten!
I wish you wrote mores stories for Love Hina or other mangas.
| YSRS chapter 16 . 11/27/2009
i have to say that has probably been one of the best and most
well excuted stories i have read.
it brought me to tears and left me in awe.
| Hokuten Mage chapter 6 . 11/20/2009
You make my little innocent Shinobu into a swordwoman... what were you thinking?
| MaceEcam chapter 16 . 10/11/2009
I both loves and hated this story. Hated it because of how it ended, knowing that it couldn't really end any other way. It was perfect, miserably perfect. Bravo.