|Reviews for Phantom Menace: The Unauthorized Rewrite|
| BellaTrixUpMySleeves chapter 14 . 1/15
Other reviewers have gone into detail about your wonderful writing style and story-telling ability, so I won't really go into that (rest assured, I think you are extremely talented in those arenas).
Let me just say that you've done a great thing for the character of Qui-Gon here. I never liked him in the movies. He came across as an asshole who never thought before he acted, and when he died, I didn't much care. In this story you turned him into an actual person for me.
He went from being a one-dimensional throw away character, to a man with real thoughts and feelings who made mistakes and cared for his Padawan and revered the Force. You made someone who didn't give a damn about him in the film tear up when he died in your fic. You made him my favourite character, too. Well done.
| mollachd chapter 14 . 7/15/2014
I think the best thing to say here, apart from thank you for writing such an amazing story, is that I wish this had been the phantom menace that I'd seen in the cinemas. Excellent work, and I look forward to reading your sequels!
| Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet chapter 14 . 5/12/2014
An interesting rewrite. I like how you put in components of canon while changing several other components that didn't work so well (their age, the medichlorians) and making it flow rather well. I'd like to see what you do with this. *goes looking for a sequel*
| Prince Azrael chapter 14 . 2/9/2014
One of the best stories I've read on this site if the film had gone this way...
| FlamingManofIron chapter 14 . 12/18/2013
Wow. I don't have time to review each individual chapter. But wanted to say that this fanfiction is truly, a very intelligent masterpiece. You may want to edit your chapters, some of them have wordsstuck to each other. ;)
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/23/2013
| Galimaufry chapter 14 . 6/21/2013
I am completely blown away by this story. Your command of language in retelling (and amending) "Phantom Menace" makes a story that I had to actively suspend disbelief into a tale that I find true enjoyment in reading. In particular the deftness with which you write characterization is incredible- each person feels individual and multifaceted, and compelling in their own ways. From Palpatine with his foreboding contemplation of the future, to the hopeful views of Dooku (as odd as that sounds...you do write him very sympathetically).
But I have to say that my favorite is definitely Anakin. Here he has an intensity that would have much improved the movies, and it is evident in his own sections and the narrative of people on the outside (Padme's thoughts on his 'gazing' were great to read). OH! I almost forgot to say that I adored seeing him use the Dark Side by accident, and the emergence of the iconic choking. ...to say nothing of his plan...use a failing ship to blow up the surroundings. Cold, effective, and a far more telling indicator of what is to come than any amount of flaw-discussion.
I'll say it once again- this is an amazing thing you have created, and I look forward to reading the rest of the series.
I do have one question though- would you mind if I saved this to MS Word and printed it? I have limited internet access (mostly through bookstores and coffee shops) at the moment, and I want to reread your story. Please just shoot me an answer with your reply, if at all possible?
| Sakura Katana chapter 14 . 3/5/2013
Wow, that was a great fic. Definitely some preferable alternatives to what happened in the real Phantom Menace. I'm excited to go read your other rewrites now. :)
| CiciLadybug chapter 1 . 12/11/2012
So far, so good, although I still think they wouldn't have been dumb enough to try gas. Still, it makes more sense than the original at the moment.
| deadpoolhulk chapter 14 . 11/6/2012
better plot then the film. much MUCH better
| xazavier009 chapter 14 . 6/10/2012
Nice well done
| Virgil Eco chapter 14 . 4/15/2012
I read this story after it was mentioned in a TV Tropes entry, "Fix Fic". This is a very good story.
I particularly like how the beginnings of Anakin's dark side tendencies are made much clearer from the beginning. The added complexity in machinations and political manoeuvring is great. And starting the Clone Wars with Naboo has always seemed to make much more sense to me. Also, a lot of the "plot silliness" of the original movie have been excised.
The only niggle I have is with your depiction of the Jedi, in particular how openly they show their emotions. It's a minor niggle, however, with what is otherwise an awesome fic!
| rhys.the.mage chapter 14 . 1/7/2012
Well, I have just finished reading my first piece of Star Wars fan fiction and I must say I am impressed with Veriform's work.
What the reader will find is a story that holds to the central tenets of the first three films (ANH-RoJ) and not the absolute crap imaginings of the second three from (hallowed be his name) Lucas.
From the new and familiar plot lines to the development of the supporting cast (Dooku and Grievous), Veriform does a masterful job of painting vistas and plots, machinations and deceptions, that are at once wholly loyal to the SW universe, and at the same time completely counter to the bizarre tangents explored by (be his name sanctified) Lucas.
So as not to give away too much, let me just say I cannot wait to see when a certain pair of baddies meets their fate.
There are a few confusing aspects, where names of certain protagonists aappear to have been changed. But I can afford to wait and see what happens in the next installment.
| Harold3456 chapter 6 . 12/5/2011
This is good so far. There's the odd spelling/grammar mistake, but it's easily buried in the density of the content you manage to squeeze into a page. I just need to know - if you even still check this account - are Grievous' storyline and the main storyline working on different timeframes? Because Grievous' mentioned something about being in surgery for months, while Qui Gon has spent one night at the slave hut.
| Harold3456 chapter 3 . 11/30/2011
Well, I'm only 3 chapters in, but this story was exactly what I was looking for - a total rewrite to the prequels. I've just come off of the redlettermedia reviews, which have a brilliant analysis of what the movies SHOULD have done, and I'm hoping that this turns out to be quite close to that. You've already improved on the movies by actually, you know, GIVING THE TRADE FEDERATION A MOTIVE FOR ATTACKING NABOO. Also, you identified Dooku and Grievous right away (TVtropes gives his identity away in their plot synopsis) which is good because I had no idea who the hell they were when I watched the 2nd and 3rd movies. If I had more time, I'd probably read this whole story today.
That being said, there are a few things I want to point out. I know you've already completed this story, and a sequel, and I assume the Revenge of the Sith rewrite is in the works. I hope that, in that time, you have begun putting line breaks between scenes. I hate how it goes, without warning, to Naboo, then to Coruscant, then the Trade Federation, then Naboo again, etc. It has thrown me at points.
I'm also hoping against hope that R2D2 and C-3PO aren't in this. It peeved me how much the prequel movies borrowed from the original trilogy, and I think that your well-written story deserves to have more of an identity unto itself. That being said, I also hope you leave out Chewbacca. And if you haven't already, watch redlettermedia's review of Revenge of the Sith. Some of the things it points out about the prequel Jedi - such as how it makes no sense that all of them use lightsabers, given that some aliens (like Kit Fisto) would run the risk of getting their tentacles/etc chopped off - are absolutely brilliant.
I guess there's no point is subscribing, since the story's done, but I AM favouriting it. I don't know how many views it has, but judging by the amount of reviews, it's really underappreciated. Keep it up!