|Reviews for Simple Shining|
| blues chapter 1 . 2/9/2012
Shining force ending was one of the most simple but best experience. It's nothing extremely fancy a la Final Fantasy 3 but the message is clear :
Max is so fucking badass that he simply does not care for being an hero.
He just goes his own way with his robot friend and he don't even care to get back to his others friends. That is manly as hell, who needs to be recognized as the biggest heroes of them all when you are Max?
He could have bedded Anri, Tao, Mae and all the others girls. He could probably be next in the line for being the King.
The dude does not even care and just relax on a far-away village.
Well in one of these games he cames back but I don't think he ever goes to his friends, just the son of his brother.
| Demonic Weasel chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
Let me be the second to congratulate you, and offer you a welcome to the Shining Fanfiction section. I glanced through this almost immediately after you posted it, and I don't recall it effecting me much at all. Looking back over it, however, I have to say that I'm encouraged by a number of things. For a relatively early fanfic, too, the quality is quite good.
You have a good flow for action, especially, in your stories, although you don't have much to say about the goblin attack. On the other hand, recalling the ridiculous goblins from SF1, I have no problems believing that an experienced warrior could scatter them like that. Your depiction of Max's farming work is also distinctive and well written.
Although the scenario you're depicting is fairly simplistic and familiar, the back and forth between Max and Bob is actually fairly realistic. Looking over the story, I disagree with Martin's assessment that the suggestion of a visit is strange. Bob doesn't know where Max is from, and he's just making an offer to a friend, with no idea of the distances involved. That in itself might seem a little strange, but given the rapport between the two characters, I think it's an offer that Bob would make.
Really, the only things to complain about here are that you have a number of small mistakes and place or two of awkward phrasing, and that there's so little to chew over. But this is definitely amongst the top quarter of Shining debuts that I've seen. Good work.
| Martin III chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
Pretty good debut effort. There's not much of an actual story here, but Max and Adam are given loyal characterizations, and the whole thing is enjoyable enough to read. Nice touches like Max using a scythe for a weapon and the description of breaking the top layer of soil make this a worthwhile tale.
There are a bunch of typographical errors. Twice you wrote "fitted in well"; it should be "fit in well". "at the sight out Adam" is self-explanatory, and in "your a God send.”", that's "you're"(you are). You capitalized "amnesia". "not a sword but it would have to do" is independent from the rest of the sentence it's in, and should be set off with parentheses.
Also, you misspelled Mae's name. And Bob's suggestion to "go visit" is odd, since Max is a long sea voyage from Rune and would have little indication of which direction to sail in, even if he had a boat.
Despite all those little glitches, this is a pleasing quickie. I look forward to reading more Shining fics from you.