|Reviews for Before and Beyond the Beginning|
| Opal Koboi the Evil chapter 6 . 2/28/2010
'What are you, a fortune cookie?'
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Oh my god I laughed out loud at that part. Fisadi you moron stop gloating! Fisadi is starting to get on my nerves. Evil little jerk. But anyway, I like the tension, and how the hyenas think. I LOVE real hyenas. A hyena is one of the only things that can kill a lion.
I can't think of what to put here,
| SGT.CJC chapter 6 . 2/28/2010
Yeah! Another great chapter, keep it up, Banzai is learning more and more how to become a prime Alpha and we get to see Zira as an equal member of the pride. Poor Mosi you don't see him very much in the fic but there is a lot of hate energy directed at him so you still feel his loss especially when he was about to give Banzai and Ed the recognition they deserved.
But I suppose he did when he wanted vengence on the lions.
And last but not least Raffiki doing the old peace-keeper and lesson teaching he always does, and Scar/Taka (still don't know where people get the name)appearing at the end rounds it off well.
In other shorter words I wouldn't have you change this story for anything unless you deem it absolutely necisserey (spelled wrong I think).
Very well done and keep writing!
| Rhonda Petrie chapter 6 . 2/27/2010
It's really sad what happened to Banzai; I think he is feeling some serious grief over what happened to him, even if he did throw him and his brother out of the house. It was also an unexpected surprise to see Zira and Sarafina as well. Now I know how Zira lost a good chunk of her ear. I think the scene between Banzai and Rafiki was very touching as well; I still cannot believe that he was the same person that he, Ed and Shenzi tried to attack several months before. Overall, a pretty good chapter and I hope you update soon.
| tearthgrrl chapter 5 . 2/21/2010
FANTASTIC CHAPTER! Respectable length, very nice description-doesn't dawdle forever, gets to the point, yet still gives the reader a great perspective of the situation-and a wonderful plotline. Most writers would've maybe had Banzai leave and pretend to hide but that would've been annoying, so I'm glad you had him beat Chukizi into the dirt. :D
And as always, I applaud the awesome Shenzi/Banzai fluff. Keep up the great work, and I'll be eagerly awaiting the next update! :)
| jojoberry chapter 4 . 2/20/2010
fisadi was so cheesey...and smooth. do you mind if i take some of your lines and morph them a bit? im writting a lion king prequell, and ill give you credit my name is jojoberry.
| TigressPL chapter 5 . 2/20/2010
2,0,0 reviews, huh? Not gonna happen in a million years ;) Unless you meant 2.0, then you're halfway through
As for the initial author's note - That's reasonable, seeing as it's a rather darkness-including story, but good thing you wrote it down. Still, I wonder how will you put it, should your characters ever speak in a really soft or gentle voice.
Now, the problem with reviewing your story after each chapter lies in the chapters being quite short, hence offering not much to comment on. The result is a review like this, most of which isn't even an actual review. Mark it's not pointing out your flaws, rather explaining myself.
Still... the plot goes on, without interruptions or major surprises. The way you presented Banzai's train of thought was quite well done. Kiruu's reasoning about the lions' way of looking at the sky and its results also seems well-thought.
The best scene, however, was the last one. The conflict is building up, plus the outcome makes Banzai realize the seriousness of his plans... And I can't wait to see what test will Shenzi make the two adversaries undergo.
My part 'a the ransom's paid, no police escorted me, so I take your word on the next update ;)
| SGT.CJC chapter 5 . 2/20/2010
WHAT! HOW COULD YOU EXPECT 2,0,0 REVIEWS WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE 11 IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. Anyway I realy liked this chapter, Banzai finaly gets a chance to stand up for what he wants and whats more he won.
I shall stick to this 'till the end and that's a promise keep it up and we'll be waiting.
p.s I hope Banzai keeps up the atude he made Shenzi notice him and got her into a dailema of which to pick well I hope you make it good but since it's your story I don't want to give advice because it might be condescending. So I shut up and you get your creative juices flowing deal, good.
| Rhonda Petrie chapter 5 . 2/20/2010
Wow, Banzai is starting to get really confident now! I cannot believe he actually beat Chukizi in a fight! I just hope he is the one for Shenzi though; someone who is strong, loyal and capable of fathering healthy, robust pups.
| SGT.CJC chapter 4 . 2/14/2010
Ok that was an ok chapter but I kept expecting Scar to come out from behind a bush whilst they were talking.
And where the hell does everyone get the name Taka from I know it's Scar's former name now but where does it come from?
update soon ok.
| TigressPL chapter 4 . 2/14/2010
First of all, let me express my joy upon your contentment of my review. I'm always glad to know I could help, especially when them who are helped are an author of a story I like. Also, regarding your words - I guess the thing I've interpreted wrongly would be the very darkness of the story. The idea was highly advocated by the two initial chapters though, and I'm glad I got it wrong. Not that there is anything wrong with stories like those made by Jagabor, but they are always messing up with one's psyche during reading.
As the various parts of the plot are beginning to unwind, I guess some remarks in that direction won't be out of place here. Scenes portraying Banzai and Ed's relation, for now, are pulled out greatly, as is the confrontation inside the latter's head. As for the Shenzi/Fisadi scenes, they're getting better, slowly earning my approval - the initial Fisadi's lines weren't really catchy. And even though it could be put down to his lack of experience, Shenzi's reactions were too rewarding to support this theory. The situation changed drastically in the newest chapter, even if Fisadi's final approach to the future matriarch was a little rushed. After several cautious tries he suddenly starts calling her "darling" and that's her reaction? It's not really how she seemed to behave earlier.
And, as I'm discussing pairings - a word on Banzai/Shenzi. I don't really think terms in which he thought of Shenzi at the beginning fit my storytelling tastes, but portraying him as a not really lucid hyena, as well as the way of presenting his thoughts, makes for a justification of his current and past actions. For once, it's Banzai who is fighting a stronger enemy, not the other way round - and as the result's been kinda foreshadowed in the first chapter's author's notes, I guess it should be interesting to read about the two males' efforts to win Shenzi...
I wish I could say something about how you adapted the "Tale of Two Brothers", but seeing as it's kinda unavailable for me... Still, the way hyenas and lions' meeting turned out was entertaining - what with Ahadi talking to Shenzi as if they were almost even, the king's awareness of the hyenas being superior force in Pridelands... Myself, I'd give Rafiki at least one line, seeing as he's always offering wide range of possibilities to insert a deeper thought or accurate remark, but perhaps it'd take focus off of Shenzi and Ahadi's confrontation.
What's also really important for me, you're mixing action with humor and romance. I'm also glad to say the proportion is set very well at present. And even though action is probably going to overcome romance later on, don't let go of humorous parts. It may be quick action or cleverly designed plot that awakes awe in the end, but to get readers' attention there's nothing better than a tad of laughter. You seem to have a firm grasp on it, so just treat it as a little piece of advice ;)
With further thanks for sharing,
| Rhonda Petrie chapter 4 . 2/14/2010
So far this story is getting really good. Poor Ed; how he has to struggle with this mental illness. I think this event must have had great influence on Banzai later on.
| SGT.CJC chapter 3 . 2/6/2010
wow good chapter short but good and I need to re-read this whole story because you say you've changed chapter 1. well done again keep it up.
| TigressPL chapter 2 . 2/3/2010
I've been invited to read this story and I don't regret going for it. I could definitely use something tougher for a bit of contrast to what I've read lastly.
Since I started with this topic - the story is quite obviously one of the dark kind. Depicting hyenas' society as a cruel, bloodthirsty community, constantly plotting against each other seems to fit the popular image of hyena and whatever attributes are commonly connected with them. It is sometimes said that such images don't fit the reality presented by Disney, being far too brutal to be shown to younger audience - but reading stories like this, I'm beginning to think they may well fit that reality, showing clearly the cause for which there was merely a scene in the graveyard.
The story starts a bit unconventionally with action kicking in from the very first lines, but it's not to be looked down on. It's rather originality - and if what they say about first chapter defining the spirit of the whole story is true, this one's going to be really dynamic. There's only one little remark to the style, regarding Kiruu and Shenzi's relation - first Shenzi acts with pure rejection towards her mother, then they suddenly start to play and laugh together; also, later she seeks consolation in conversation with her. I guess it's a try at depicting adolescent's attitude towards their parents, but it may have been a little overdone in the first Shenzi's reactions.
A grand merit of the story lies in the originality of depicting Ed. I may not be well-acknowledged with most part of TLK fanfics, but I haven't yet heard of anyone making Banzai and Ed brothers. Also, the way of Ed becoming the weird fellow he is is put down sensibly - and I admire how you've described the inner fight going on in his head. And though I already feel pity for him, as I know that in such a dark fiction Ed's going to be portrayed as an idiot with all the brutality, I won't complain - once more, it makes for some change after my recent reads.
As for the language, there's nothing wrong to be said as far as I'm concerned. And, since I'm not one with authority to comment on it, no more should be said in the topic. Let me just remark you forgot one part while changing the plot and now first Banzai's word in the newest chapter could make somebody doubt the manliness of King Ahadi ;)
For the closing words - let me assure you I'm going to stick with this story, as you have me interested. I wish you luck with both ideas and will to write them down.
With thanks for sharing,
| SGT.CJC chapter 2 . 2/1/2010
wow cool I'm back remenber me (cjc)
I can't wait for the next bit so please keep the story going.
see you soon.
| Rhonda Petrie chapter 2 . 1/30/2010
This is the best story I've read all day so far; I like how you outlined how Ed ultimately lost his sanity and of how Shenzi and Banzai start to get more acquainted. I would like for you to continue if possible; this is really great!