|Reviews for For Him I'll Change!|
| Drake Silver chapter 6 . 9/8/2014
so will this continue at all?
| Drake Silver chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
ah kampfer. The jacked up anime about over powered girls who fight with swords guns and balls... Of fire and one of them is a guy. Good times, good fic.
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/9/2012
yo continue it soon
| DarkSwordMage chapter 6 . 3/16/2011
Ok, I'm going to try and be constructive here, so please don't assume this is a flame, even though the bulk of this isn't 'Good story.' You do have good ideas, and as far as plot I don't have any complaints.
Now, onto the 'gritty' part that you're probably not going to like. First, you need to learn to use the 'return' key more often and separate your dialogue. It makes things easier to follow and it flows easier when you break the dialogue up, it also helps the reader to keep track of who is speaking. Second, you need to go into more detail with things. Not just say 'Kaede looks into his eyes to tempt him' but rather 'Kaede leans forward, bringing her face to his and looking up into his eyes. Being so close to her Minato can smell her scent a 'whatever' smell filling his lungs at her close proximity to him. Clasping her hands in front of her Sakura lifts her bust with her elbows, pushing her breasts against the top of her blouse tantalizingly; showing them to Minato.' See what I mean? The more vivid detail you use, the greater the imagery for the reader. (I know that I don't always do this, but I try) Also, you need to work on how you convey the character's emotions better. Don't just say that they're saying something, add detail, like '"I'm sorry" They both said simultaneously, Akane's voice pitched low in regret, Minato's own tone filled with resolution.' See? People can apologize for two very different reasons, in this case Minato wanted to apologize for his theft of the necklace, while Akane wanted to apologize for sleeping with him (I believe), and conveying that to the reader is your responsibility as the author.
Just try to work on those areas and you'll become a much better writer. The good news for you that I've gleamed (at least from my personal experience, and I may be wrong about this), is that most people here judge stories based on what happens to the characters and the plot, not the grammer of the writing. Honestly, your grammer isn't the worst I've seen on this site, but it does need some polishing, work on that and you'll be well on your way to being a much better writer.
I apologize now if this has offended you or you find this to be abusive. I'm only trying to give you honest, constructive assistance (what reviews are supposed to do) rather than bland 'good story' reviews. In a perfect world, the best stories would have the lowest review counts, since those need very little work, but that isn't the case unfortunately.
| Victor Petrenko chapter 6 . 3/15/2011
Wow I'm glad to see your still updating this and I can't wait for the next chapter.
| Kurokku chapter 1 . 3/15/2011
Agree with DaisukiFox
(if you haven't read the light novel)
thought you guys wanted to know that Akane wins...yep Akne wins...She gets Natsuru...Although I really liked Shizuku...TT
| Samhan chapter 1 . 8/23/2010
I like it
| DaisukiFox chapter 2 . 8/16/2010
This story is good, just needs some work on plot structure and build up. Also spelling in some cases, you even first get to capatilize the beginning letters. Though that was just the first chapter, I'm sure it gets better.
The story has an iterest plot line, though it's somewhat predictable and easy to tell where the story goes. Anywho...
Keep it up. Also, would you happen to know the name of Natsuru's school? I keep forgetting it and going to read chapters or finding videos takes awhile.
| ErosPassion chapter 1 . 5/14/2010
I don't know why but I always think Mishima is the one who's suffering the most. . . ne?
| Henry Anthony Courtler chapter 5 . 4/25/2010
very unique story you have here. All the characters seem to be in their proper role so I hope to see more when you can update.
| DarkReaver724 chapter 1 . 4/16/2010
This is my most favorite couple in the series, glad to see a story for them finally.
| biory chapter 5 . 4/1/2010
This fic was really fun to read. I hope you update soon.
| DarkSwordMage chapter 5 . 3/20/2010
Well, I'm not a huge fan of promiscuity, so this chap kinda rubbed me the wrong way. You didn't go into detail, but I just don't believe in multiple partners. Anyway, I'll keep reading, and you write what you want to write.
| DarkSwordMage chapter 4 . 1/24/2010
This is a good story with a very unique premise behind it. My only problem with it is your grammer, and that's because I'm a grammer nut. Also, you should define what POV you're using, because when you switch without a divider or something it can confuse the reader...
| Ashikabi chapter 1 . 1/22/2010
FINALLY a Natsuru x Akane fic!
Great job and keep writing. I have to say I still prefer Akane with her shy personality but neverless, good to a fanfic of my favorite pairing. hope u can write more story on them later, and if possible, some lemon!