|Reviews for The Chaos Of Another World|
| Phunbaba chapter 22 . 7/2
Plot, grammar, and spelling are all good. Sex scenes aren't excessive. I like. Only sad thing is it hasn't updated in almost a year.
The stating out of characters at the end of a few chapters don't add much to the story imo but if you have fun writing them up that's fine.
| Ketsuoni chapter 22 . 6/27
Just finished reading to this point and I have to say that this fic is probably one of the most well written naruto fics I have ready in a long time. The characters are realistic, you can feel the teen angst and the plot is very well thought out. Plus your grammar and word usage is phenomenal. I can't wait until the next chapter comes out
| my 2 guys chapter 2 . 6/14
that was good keep the chapters coming
| my 2 guys chapter 1 . 6/14
that was good keep the chapters coming
| ivanganev1992 chapter 22 . 5/28
Ayera How good will you be against Tashira and against Naruto and Hinata.
Ayera Neo-Ichizel You are looking like excellent warrior and good addition .
Yes you are bit cold but the previous Trainer was Ass simply said.
And that trauma should be healed along with the trust hopefully to be honest and with that worthy for trust.
That is very good. Update it.
| ivanganev1992 chapter 21 . 5/28
The war/fighting hound girl seeking adventure and fame it was not bad opportunity. I didn't know Something to relate with Neo Ichizel but I still feel her timidness in the tough like mask . I hope to be correct my opinion.
| ivanganev1992 chapter 20 . 5/28
Ok Both Hinata and Naruto currently are about special Chunin to low Jonin .
And the trained girls between High Chunin and Chunin . Tashira could be higher danger level but her current hiperbeam rivals probably the Biju two tails Nibi Nekomanta the Giant cat . With that destructive power. To be used it is need extreme control of the power to prevent the target to be obliterated to atoms , molecules , blast in pieces , and gravely near deadly injure the more weakened opponents to survive the blast healthy enough to live other day not crippled. Heavy burns are maybe allowed and K.O but it is very dangerous that powerful unstable beam of Doom.
| ivanganev1992 chapter 10 . 5/27
Oh my. But it is the only damn way.
| ivanganev1992 chapter 9 . 5/26
In the ninja world Naruto would be Chunin and Hinata may be genin or Chunin also.
In the Pokegirl universe despite the local habitat to be more psychically advanced they are very experienced ninja with way higher caliber.
Naruto would be High Jonin which I'm lowering because his higher negligence. He is in the more brute force and muscle and man power being one man army and Monstrous endurance and additional power from the demon fox . By power Naruto would be probably Medium Anbu .
Hinata is the brain making her High Anbu because her better intelligence compensating her slight weakness.
And Tashira is now maybe medium chunin .
Kistele probably low chunin .
And Cheshire unokwn.
| ivanganev1992 chapter 2 . 5/26
The key to civilize those er things is the reason for M .
| Guest chapter 22 . 5/12
pleas write more it's a good story
| Guest chapter 22 . 5/6
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/1
I just want to say your story is one of my favorites and I love to read it please keep up the good work I'm looking forward to the next update
| White Night Dragon chapter 22 . 4/14
Sorry for commenting so late. I always planned to keep reading your story, but then life somehow got in the way and kept pushing other things in front of me and... well, you get the idea. Still, I was lucky enough to get more free time recently to fully re-read your story from the start up to the point where I ended before and then continue until the latest chapter (1080 pages in Word and 442 020 words, wow!). So one good thing is that I had time to prepare full and complex review for mostly everything.
So, the first thing - I noticed that you kind of changed the preview and the intro of the story, with what Naruto and Hinata encountered at the start and how they met the first Pokégirls, even partially re-wrote how they acquired information, gear, money and other things. It's definitely more thought-out than before, although compared to the following chapters it was a bit weird that they could travel for... erm, about eleven days or so without seeing any sign of road or city or human settlement? It's probably plausible, considering that majority of the areas are unpopulated now, but after that they seemed to have no trouble getting where they wanted and meeting lots of people alongside the way. Otherwise, I didn't see anything stand out too much, the way they both behaved was quite realistic, along with the reactions of wild pokégirls. The only small thing was, perhaps, that I can't see the meaning of Kenzel's tournament for a rare pokégirl unless he collected some sort of fee from the participants. Maybe it was just overlook on my part, but if he risked one of his captured pokégirls (Dracass in this case), then shouldn't he be led primarily by monetary or other kind of gain? Without it, the tournament could only be a possible loss for him with nothing to get in return.
Hmmm, on the side, I also noticed that you downgraded pokégirls levels a lot. I have no problem with that, but I have one small addition. It already seemed like Tashira should have been powerful enough to take on most of the regular Tamer's pokégirls, but was still under level 20. I can only assume how are the levels measured, but they don't seem to be entirely accurate. I noticed that it did change slightly in the later parts, specifically in Tashira's fight against Amachamp, but it still feels like a slight underscore when, after so much training, they are still only at levels 20 or nearby when clearly Naruto and Hinata are using their unique knowledge from ninja and chakra training to boost their pokegirl's powers and tactical thinking. One would thought that they would be way ahead of majority of other tamers of their age, not counting Kitsuto and his master, since I assume they have their own brutal training regiments which also include more than just chakra training.
Moving on, nothing major changed in the ancient mirror and dark counterparts arc, so I'm skipping that one. Oh, one thing though - if I remember correctly, you have mentioned a sort of Council or something that led Hinata to that Sukebe's base. It almost looked like her inner dark chakra had something to do with it, but apparently that was not the case, so I'm mostly wondering who was it and why didn't they do anything from that point onward. I guess you probably like to keep your secret parts secret, but it feels like there's an unfinished end here, so I can only hope that it will be addressed before the story ends.
When we are on that topic, I also remember you doing lots of spin-offs for other characters - Naruto's spiritual brother Kitsuto, Sasuke, unknown Legendary (my guess is on Macavity), the Trauma team, the research team on Trauma team and so on. It's not... bad, per se, but it seemed to diminish greatly as the story progressed, making me wonder what exactly was their purpose. Sure, Kitsuto became clear quite soon, the same goes for Sasuke and the Legendary was addressed recently too in the part with Sanctuary Goths. The Trauma team and research teams have gone dark, though, plus the whole Edo incident was addressed in those conspirary theories during Yue arc, so it felt like slightly unnecessary thing to do, unless you plan to continue with them as well. Honestly, it's remarkable that you are managing to keep track of so many things happening in the world at once, I'd just be a bit cautious about how much of it is or will become relevant to the story itself. It's already almost at half a million words and it still feels like we are only at the first third of the story or so.
Now then, acquiring Yue... more on that later. Fight with Dryder... also later. So that brings us to the medication and other things comparable to ninja world. Even though that medicine seemed to be made for pokegirls only, I still like how you handled Hinata's idea about possibly bringing some home and using the vast knowledge of this world for Konoha's own progress, medical field or other fields. This of course counts only if they manage to find their way back, but it's still very realistic thought and I was very pleased to see it included in your story. The same goes for the ideas about teaching pokégirls attacks in other ways than T2 or Dream Time or other techniques designed for such things... although I doubt that they were the first to come up with such idea. Surely some other (more experienced) tamers or trainers must have thought of it too, but I love these small additions that difference Naruto and Hinata from regular tamers.
So, Naruto summoning Hottits... that's actually quite interesting. At first it just looked like his contract with toads was manipulated by this world laws into changing to frogs, but now I'm guessing that it had more to do with Naruto using his connection with Kitsuto to somehow activate Kitsuto's contract and summon Hottie through him... well, in a way. It also kind of reminded how much Naruto still didn't know compared to the original (reverse summoning, key to Kurama's cage, Senjutsu and other things), but seeing how he met with Kitsuto now, I'm wondering if perhaps he'll start catching up on things. It would be very interesting if he managed to train in the spiritual arts of this world and how would it compare to Jiraiya's Sage mode.
Well, this brings us to... battles. I guess I'm slighty biased here, because undoubtedly you write very good fighting scenes, quite lengthy and involving inner monologues and analysis from participating pokegirls and their trainers, so they are very complex in nature, but... after reading about the fight with Trauma team, Kyia's fighting with the various trainers and then Naruto and Kitsuto beating up each other, it just... didn't feel like there was as much tactics (or strategy) involved as any of the participants claimed. It felt more like endurance race, something where the goal is to punch your opponent enough times until he can't get up any longer instead of being able to find a way to end the battle immediately, either through very serious wound, grappling hold, limb breaking or other things. I'm not saying that it's bad, this is just how most fights seemed to me, until the latest parts where there seemed to be some punch-dodging involved as well. I'm probably heavily comparing it with ninja world where one stab from kunai into heart can end the entire battle, but it started to be a little hard to keep track of the entire fight when it lasted over 10 pages and it just didn't seem to move anywhere - Naruto punched Kitsuto, Kitsuto punched Naruto and they kept doing it for a really long time, with a technique thrown in here and there, but no actual effect... I hope I described it accurately, we can talk more about this via PM if you are interested.
Now, for the weight seals... that was very clever drawback you added there, I'm just not sure if it should have been SO strong as to make pokégirls blur when they try to make a step. In my opinion, the muscles were already under big pressure from the seals themselves, so when the pressure released and muscles got flooded with chakra (energy in pokégirl's case), it shouldn't have been much different for them than their regular (and already quite brutal) training, at least in terms of muscle pressure. Naruto, after his fight with Kitsuto, was out of his prime for how long... several weeks? Well, considering that Kyuubi withdrew his healing chakra from him, if it even could, it didn't seem that unbelievable, but compared to Rock Lee who wore much heavier restraints and had no way of being healed quickly, they shouldn't have suffered so much from just releasing them. It's worth the note that Lee's body suffered primarily from him opening the Eight Gates, not because he removed his seals.
Hmm, let's move on to Naruto and Hinata's harems... Tashira, Kyia, Yue, Myrel and now Ayera as well. I must say that you handled their personalities perfectly, they feel very alive and realistic, it's easy to notice who talks even without the additional "Kyia said" or "Yue said", meaning their personas are easily identified. It was also an interesting addition when you delved into Yue arc on how she met her first tamer and then Naruto and Hinata, it added lots of information to her background and explaining why she acted like she did, plus it easily flowed into her desired evolution into Shadow Cat (even though the beginning felt a bit forced with simply Tashira's words of "You can remain weak for all I care", that felt a bit too insensitive coming from Alpha pokégirl who should have known better after all the time spent with Yue). On the other hand, it put slightly bad light onto Kiya's own evolution, which felt like it just... popped up. No mentions of Code, no extreme stress, no nothing. I'm not saying that it required three hundred pages dedicated solely to Kiya's own psyché, but compared to Yue, Yue's evolution came up much more smoothly and with easier transition than the foxy pokégirl.
On that account, Myrel at first felt like just another dragon pokégirl, possibly sort of rival for Ta
| AnonnymA chapter 22 . 3/2
Wow! Such a great read. And I'm not even into cross-overs. I hope you plan to finish this fic!
Can't wait to see where you take this fic.