Reviews for Breaking Point
HeartlessDaemon chapter 1 . 6/27/2010
Nice story!

Your choice of words and your conveyance of Mikage's emotion were fantastic. I think most people remember their mistakes repeatedly, and you showed that well. The imagery was very effective. I'm finding these to be one of those stories you don't forget easily. Your portrayal of Mikage was true to the character, and wasn't one of those terribly OOC displays.

However, your writing isn't completely without flaws (ditto with everyone else). While you placed your text into neat paragraphs, some sentences dragged out. Varying the length of sentences can add rhythm. Drawn-out long sentences often leave the reader a little baffled. People pause at the end of sentences. In this pause, I find my mind does a very quick 'recap' of what just happened. Feeding too long of a sentence to the reader results in them trying to take in a lot of information at once. As a result, the intensity and integrity of the information isn't as high it can be.

Overall, your story was fantastic, both in language technique and portrayal of characters/situations. Sentence length is something you can improve on. I hope you find this critique useful.
RedemptionWarrior chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
Ouch...that is a very harsh reality to deal with. Still with that little breakdown came a determined resolve to make sure that the criminal doesn't do it again. That's epic right there.
SMYGO4EVA chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
Wow - that was pretty heavy but a great focus on Mikage, nonetheless. Great job!