|Reviews for The Fox Who Lived|
| Angelique Deveroux chapter 4 . 12/19/2013
Good story, but just so you are aware, 'chan is for little girl and 'kun' is for little boy. Otherwise great writing.
| Lady Lianna Kari chapter 15 . 11/22/2013
Lol, a golden bell! Although, catnip would've been funnier!
| Thea Death End chapter 35 . 10/26/2013
Please keep Hiei and Shuichi as a pairing. I love this fanfic so much! And yes the pairing is really bloody obvious. I know what SHIMATA means. :3
| narutoDkurosaki chapter 3 . 10/18/2013
Plz no yaoi...
| narutoDkurosaki chapter 2 . 10/18/2013
Hmmm...not much over here other than some intros but what was the last scene for
| narutoDkurosaki chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
I was really bored and I was searching what to read and them I had seen your fic and well seriously thinking kurama really looks like a male lily and you have seriously got me hooked to your fic
| trninjakiller chapter 4 . 10/14/2013
DAMNIT IM SICK OF ALL THE YAOIS
| Slytherin Studios chapter 148 . 9/1/2013
I love your story, I can't wait to see what you write next.
| Kurama's Foxy Rose chapter 148 . 8/27/2013
| Kurama's Foxy Rose chapter 112 . 8/27/2013
Totally called it! I just KNEW Kurama was gonna use draught of the living death.
| Kurama's Foxy Rose chapter 86 . 8/26/2013
"And what would you call the fact that I effectively drove two former Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers insane?" he pressed.
"One could argue that Gilderoy Lockhart and Dolores Umbridge weren't of sound mind to being with."
And what does that say about the old man who hired them?
| Sessha's Crazy chapter 148 . 6/11/2013
Just spent the last week reading this story. I felt like I shouldn't review without knowing the whole story, I hate going off partial information. So here we go.
You had an amazing concept. I love the idea behind it. Also, I have to applaud you for sticking it out and finishing it. It's not easy! I know you said in an AN that you didn't understand why people couldn't update in a timely manner or finish a story, and I have to admit, that pissed me off, because writing's hard. Some people have too many ideas, or get distracted, or lose where they were going. So you deserve credit for finishing this monster.
Yet for all its length, the entire story felt like a summary, not a novel. The reason for this was it was a dialogue driven story. You rely on telling, rather than showing, and when you did show, you tended to run on with needless comparisons that lacked proper punctuation. I could tell, punctuation isn't your strong point. If you ever feel like going back and rewriting or editing, try to fix that, it would make the story much more pleasurable to read. It's a good story and a good idea, you just need your writing to catch up. Don't worry. Writing's hard, it takes practice. You'll get there.
Humor is very difficult to write. It's possibly the most difficult genre of writing, mostly because everyone's sense of humor is different. Therefore, don't feel bad when I say a lot of your attempts at humor fell flat, making that segment of the story difficult to read. The omake were cute, generally, but for the most part not very funny.
You started out good, but the further into the story you got, the more you tried to emphasize the romance, when it isn't a romance story. For instance, Kurama shouldn't have had to worry about all the girls, especially in his younger years. Teenage girls don't go for prepubescent boys, unless there's something wrong, and girls that age are only just starting to think boys are cute. You should have waited til 13, at least, and then slowly started in with it. All the references to couples making out was pretty unnecessary, too.
I recognize it was your own story and idea, I just feel like, with a little tweaking of personal details and such, the characters would be original characters, rather than HP or YYh characters. They were very off character throughout the story. Yeah, they grew up with different influences and such, but still, they wouldn't have been that different. Yusuke and Genkai made me grit my teeth the most. Yusuke is a street punk and a delinquent, yes, but he also has a good heart. You took away that goodness until the very end. Kurama's dialogue didn't fit his intelligent persona, he used a lot of slang and dumbed down expressions. Part of what makes Kurama Kurama his his way of speaking. It's cool, calm, collected, with a hint of arrogance and a vocabulary that reflects his brains. (I mean using yes or correct in place of yeah or yep, for example) The whole time I had to stop myself from saying "that character wouldn't do/say/react like that!" But then, I'm very obsessive about making characters stay on character, to the point of obsessing over every last detail to make it as believable as possible. Especially when it comes to my yu yu boys. I just feel you changed the characters to fit the story, rather than the story to fit the characters, that's all.
Kurama was a little too perfect for my tastes, to be honest. I felt like he was too powerful, too perfect, too smart, too all-knowing, a stereotypical gary stu. Hiei was his bad-boy equivalent. The few flaws they had weren't really flaws. I saw you recognized that and tried to fix it, and it helped, but by then it was too late. The two of them, especially Kurama, just stole the show completely, making the others almost irrelevant. Yeah, I get they're the main characters, but they shouldn't do everything. They need to grow and develop. They didn't really change at all, except to realize hey, I love you! That was about the only character development you had. But you tried. That's better than some.
I've always seen Kurama as more of the power behind the throne character when it comes to the yu yu gang, subtly guiding and pushing the others around to do his bidding without them realizing it (I mean, look at the way everyone turns to him for advice when Yusuke's the leader, and he gives it without ever giving the slightest hint of being in charge), so it was interesting to see your take, with him as a strongly dominant and less manipulative figure. That manipulative streak is what I love about the character, but it's always good to think outside the box and see someone else's take every once in a while.
You kept contradicting yourself with your timing, by the way. You set a clear date for Kurama's age: he grew up in the Bakumatsu, in the mid 1800s, making him around 150-180ish. Hiei you're more ambiguous with. Yet you constantly vary their ages when you talk about it. Also, here's my love of canon nit-picking getting in the way, though the yu yuverse itself is deliberately fuzzy, stating differing facts. Here's what we know: Yomi and Kurama knew each other 300 years. Yomi has ruled alongside Raizen and Mokuro for 500 years. This last is stated expressly, Yomi joined their ranks 500 years ago. This makes Kurama at least 800. We know he's a lot older than that, because after he had Yomi blinded, he "took up a solitary life of thieving in the Spirit World." (Yomi). Kurama didn't become a thief until he was a few centuries old at least, when he became bored with life, as per his own admission to Yusuke on the hospital roof. This puts him at 1000. We can speculate that Yomi didn't run with him until late in his career, further increasing his age. Now, we know there is a time difference, Koenma states in the Artifacts of Darkness arc that his father with be back after the equivalent of a week in human world, and from the reactions to this, we can extrapolate that there is a time difference. We can use this to play with time. Like Raizen's appearance in the Feudal times.
But it's your story, you can do what you want. Sorry, got carried away. It's my pet theory about the Yu Yuverse, is demonic aging. But there's one big clue we always forget. Hiei's age. It's stated several times throughout the anime and manga that Hiei is much younger than Kurama, as he 'grew up on tales of the great Youko Kurama.' Also, we forget: Hiei and Yukina are twins. Yukina's people have babies every century or so. If Hiei's over a century old, Yukina is a mother at least once over. Personally, I like to peg them at the end of their first century, if only for the fact that Yukina looks like she's just starting to peek a baby belly in the last episode of the anime (seriously, I feel like I'm the only one that sees this!), and also, again, they're often called (and look) young. But then again, the twin thing was also a retcon...oops.
And off I go again. Your story, your theories and rules. Sorry.
There was one thing that did bug me above all else though. Shiori/Lily. She's very...cruel...to Kurama. her punishments are child abuse. Kurama fears her. She's very violent. A complete one-eighty from the kind and caring woman who saved her son's life in both 'verses. We know Lily is strong, she defied Voldemort three times, but she's also kind and self-sacrificing. Shiori too. They're a great match. You just...really changed that. Made her not a very likable character. I mean, all she seems to do is get mad at Shuichi and punish him. If anything, you make her and Petunia cut from the same cloth. Both try to stamp out what they don't like in Shuichi/Harry with punishments and no rewards. Just saying.
Overall, though, it reads like a decent first draft with a lot of potential. If you ever get the crazy urge to go back and edit it someday, I'll be first in line to read it. I'd love to see what kind of work this could turn into.
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/20/2013
| He-who-runs-into-walls chapter 27 . 5/20/2013
This omake is inspired
| A Brilliant Loser chapter 148 . 4/28/2013
It took me a couple of days, but I read the whole thing! It was a great ride and I'm glad I didn't let the 148 chapters intimidate me.