|Reviews for Heart and Soul|
| bigdolton chapter 27 . 8/24
| bigdolton chapter 14 . 8/22
| ConstructiveCrit chapter 7 . 8/20
I really liked the way this story started out, but it became a bit repetitive and felt like a continuous stream of filler chapters, in which I have quickly became disinterested. I read up to chapter 16, hoping that this story - that started out so promisingly - would regain the excitement with which it hooked me at the beginning. Sadly, I felt that it was becoming too predictable and without the plot-twists that got me hooked in the first place, reading it felt quite chore-like.
Besides my point, this is a very well written fanfiction which I'm sure has kept many a reader hooked to the end, sadly I was not one of these viewers.
I wish you the best with your future fanfictions, and I shall look out for any more Potter-centric stories which you write, and I hope they keep me hooked until the end.
I hope this review was helpful, as I would hate to have wasted your time.
| bigdolton chapter 7 . 8/22
| Guest chapter 80 . 8/19
Oi eu sou uma leitora brasileira e gostei muito da sua história, posta logo por favor
| glayce Alves da Silva chapter 80 . 8/19
Oi eu sou uma leitora brasileira e gostei muito da sua história, parabéns
| Temporal Knight chapter 15 . 8/11
Okay so after continuing on a bit further I have some constructive criticism.
1) You've pretty much painted Ron into a corner. Pretty much every dip into his thoughts and all shown actions have him coming across just shy of a possessive stalker and nearly dipping into levels of abuse. All of his good points have been solely thought of by other characters in one or two lines every few chapters. Coupled with the display this chapter it really is going to make it hard to see how you bring him back around to being a contributing member of the group.
2) In the same vein as above but with a more general focus, there is an awful lot of telling and not nearly as much showing throughout. Many paragraphs explain in broad strokes the goings on or they dictate how characters feel rather than showing a reaction or a comment instead of simple exposition. More dialogue at points would probably help that aspect.
3) You don't seem to like contractions very much. For adult characters or excessively formal/proper people like Dumbledore or JS it's not an issue and is very appropriate. However with people like Harry, Neville and in particular Ron and the twins, they would be using contractions quite a bit. It makes their conversations a bit wooden sometimes.
Overall I want to say I still am greatly enjoying the story as well as the changes that have been introduced from the Chaos Butterfly! I do think it would greatly improve from more showing and less telling however. That's really the most glaring thing that keeps cropping up.
| Temporal Knight chapter 4 . 8/10
First off I am very much enjoying this story. The characters are acting mostly within their normal bounds and the writing is exceptional at most times.
-Hmm I can't decide whether there is going to be Ron bashing here. I don't particularly like or dislike him and it seems like this could go both ways. I have to say though that his thought processes lead me more to dislike this version on him. Being a jerk is one thing. Being a selfish, possessive, jealous jerk is another level.
-I feel bad for Ginny. Harry's getting a miniharem but the poor girl is not to be included. Molly's reaction however does have me a bit worried about the Weasley matriarch.
-Normally I'm not very partial to the French in general. That said I love Jean-Sebastian. He's freaking awesome.
-You know, it is very hard to get me to hate Fudge more than I already do from canon. Congrats, you have succeeded there. You've turned an utterly incompetent fool into an outright right villain.
-I am interested to see who first suggests Hermione is able to join in on the relationship. Harry isn't the type to bring that up and honestly I doubt Hermione is either which leaves me with potentially Fleur. I look forward to seeing that aspect pop up down the line.
-I like how Tonks is being set up to be involved more here. I always liked her and thought she was underutilized so hopefully that won't happen now. Barring that at least I am seriously hoping she, Remus and Sirius survive the end. Changes are happening so the Butterfly Effect will hopefully save those three at least.
-One thing that I'm honestly not too partial to is the Floo thing. I know it's minor but one of Harry Potter's most consistent facets (beyond his saving people thing) is that he can't travel by Floo or Portkey without issues. It's always a bit of comic relief as well as a source to assist in showing others that he's not an arrogant jerk even if that isn't the intention. It's just an integral part of the persona of Harry Potter that he simply sucks at magical transportation.
I like this promising beginning and definitely look forward to continuing on!
| Guest chapter 80 . 8/6
I didn't get to finish my review before my phone posted it (i was talking about using the word wont too much)
It way seem like i was being too critical, but its only because i see a lot of potential, talant, and passion in your writing. I think you have a good chance of getting published IF you take these things into consideration. I really did love reading this story, and if this is what you can write with other people's characters, i can't wait to see what you cam do with your own.
| Guest chapter 80 . 8/6
This story was very enjoyable to read. it had a good plot, good character development, was engaging, and overall was just a joy to read.
That being said there were times where the story dragged and I found myself skimming more than reading because I was waiting for it to get interesting again. You also have a bad tendency to use the same words or phrases over and over again. It's almost like you have just learned the word or phrase and you want to immediately use it. In doing that you use it to a point where your readers will find it very irritating. One such phrase that I can really think of is "wont" as in "as was Blanks want". You'll occasionally use that one paragraph after another in the same chapter. This can be really obnoxious to somebody who's reading the story chapter after chapter. Publishers and editors will usually knock you down for this because unlike fanfiction where a story is posted chapter-by-chapter with sometimes with a long wait in between the chapters of the book is published all at once where it is a lot easier to find these savored wordsand become annoyed by them. That's not to say that authors can't have favorite words or phrases it just means that you have to be aware of your favorite words and phrases and make an effort to not over use them.
Also I noticed occasionally more in the last chapters were you would miss a quotation mark here and there that's not a big problem but just something you should watch out for. And sometimes you use a word that might be very well known to you or your area but is less known somewhere else this isn't really necessary but you might benefit from the definition for that word or words that you think might need a definition. Again this isn't necessary, it's just a suggestion.
| mayotta chapter 80 . 8/4
A truly epic telling. Very well done.
| Stefan Bathory chapter 80 . 8/3
An epic story which include very thrilling scenes as the Hermione kidnapping and your version of the Battle of Hogwarts. Very nice ideas about the "real" Horcruxes and the whole deal with the Weasley family as Molly, Ronald and Ginny are humanely considered.
Of course, Betrothal contracts stories had this special flavor of forced relations and polygamy is so strange in my views, but it was almost believable as you wrote it. Even if I never consider Fleur being able to love a "little boy" and Hermione being able to accept anything so strange in her eyes as a polygamous marriage.
Sad that you retired from fanfiction. Good luck in your writing career.
| dragonfighter11 chapter 80 . 7/30
Amazing! Absolutely amazing. I really loved every aspect of this story and wanna congratulate you on this one :) I'll admit, at some parts I was unsure or even kinda annoyed by, but it all turned out great in the end (imo). Now after reading this story in one go, that is, not sleeping since I started, I think I'll go to bed now. One last congrats, I'm so glad I decided to go search for some older [complete] Harry Potter FanFictions. Thanks my friend :)
| Simianpower chapter 1 . 7/29
I read this a while back, and while it wasn't bad it was EXTREMELY wordy. I like the H/Hr/FD set, but I really hated how much of a pussy your Harry was. He never grows a backbone, and gets berated and berated and berated over and over by those who claim to understand and love him, even though they should know better. It's really frustrating to read. It could be cut down a LOT, and Harry needs to become a person rather than a puppet. Even in canon he's not this much of a loser. All in all I'd give this 6/10.
| Alifromnm chapter 80 . 7/25
Just had to let you know how much I love this story. Very unique? Thank you for the wonderful read.