|Reviews for Heart and Soul|
| r3dd3v1l chapter 76 . 7/20
I really don't like criticizing other people's work and I'm sorry so I'll just list what i like and don't like about your story:
competent and realistic Dumbledore AND Voldemort. Now that is a rarity, most fanfiction has them blown out of proportions with Dumbledore being full on evil and Voldemort being extremely incompetent. Mind you Voldemort was incompetent in cannon as well failing to conquer the country in his first "reign" of over a decade and failing to take a school in his second one.
well developed relationship between Harry and Hermione and Fleur. Too many fics go for the "love at first sight" and relationships go from acquaintances to married/ soul bonded in 24 hours
Fleur as a Hogwarts student- that's also something you don't see everyday
Ron being a decent fellow. I don't understand why so many Harry/ Hermione writers make him comically bad at everything
actually bad Draco. I cannot comprehend why so many writers try to make Draco in a lovable rogue or think he's misunderstood, when in canon he commits attempted murder at least twice. It was pure luck Katie barely touched the necklace and Harry was there to administer a bezoar. Why wasn't he in jail in the epilogue is also beyond me. (Sorry for mentioning the eiplogue)
- length. Sorry, but there are far too many inner monologues and POV changes. In my opinion the story should have been at least 350k words shorter. You don't have to tell us what every character is thinking all the time. Sirius' POV at the start and Harry and the girls' for the rest would have worked fine. If cannon had so much exposition and POV changes it would be 14 books, not 7. I don't know about other people, but in this day and age we are bombarded with entertainment from all sides with TV shows, movies, video games, video blogs etc. and few people have the time and energy to read long sagas like LOTR, ASOIAF, War and Peace etc...
- due to the length and amount of exposition I've had to stop reading this, otherwise great, story several times. Thus it has taken me months to reach chapter 76.
- Hermione went full retard this chapter. Throughout the rest of the story she is smart and competent, but here she just walks up to Malfoy instead of stunning him from behind the moment she saw his name on the map. Mind you this is the man who kidnapped her and planned to rape her- I think some prejudice was warranted.
- some more saucy stuff between Harry and the girls would have been nice. Too much touchy- feely fluffy stuff and not enough threesome or girl/ girl action
| silver.blast96 chapter 1 . 7/18
| Sheelahdog chapter 6 . 7/16
I am a little confused by some of the reviews of this story. They were so disparagingly negative that I almost put it down without reading. However, I am 6 chapters in, and I find it is very well written. I haven't come across any glaring grammar or word use issues. The plot and characters are clearly defined and interesting. I have yet to come across excessive internal dialogs...The characters think and feel and act in ways that seem appropriate. I am enjoying the story so far.
| Christy chapter 67 . 7/8
Ok, I want to follow up by saying that your writing skills are great. I don't want to discourage you, and I'm sorry if my opinions are upsetting. I just feel that all feedback is helpful at the end of the day. Clearly, I've read hundreds of thousands of words up til now and that is all due to your talent. I'm convinced that your talents will take you far.
It may be due to my own life experiences, but I just can't keep seeing Harry be treated this way. I wish I could get to the end and see the resolution, but I think it's better for my emotional well being that I don't.
| Christy chapter 67 . 7/8
Okay, I'm really struggling here. The way that Harry is being treated by everyone is very inconsistent with the way that Hermione and Fleur were treated for tagging along with Harry to the Ministry. All the adults had approved of his plan and thought it out carefully and agreed that the girls shouldn't go. After it was all over, they were not punished for sneaking out and directly disobeying Dumbledore and Jean-Sebastian. What Harry has done is pretty similar. He came up with both plans, which were both successful. I think he should be given more credit for his planning, bravery and ability. He should have consequences for not looping his guardians and Dumbledore into the plan, but they should agree to support his plans in the future to assure that he has the extra brain power they could lend.
When Remus realized that there was likely no way to remove the Horcrux from Harry he should have spoken privately with Dumbledore, Sirius and Jean-Sebastian. They should have made a plan to break the news to Harry gently and show him a plan for researching a solution. Possibly even include Harry in some of the research so that he doesn't give up hope.
It seems like right when Harry was dealt this terrible blow, all the adults in his life just disappear and his girlfriends started nagging him for having a bad attitude. They have not given Harry any respect since the news was revealed. They don't willingly give him alone time, he has to literally hide from them just to get space to think. Don't smother him! They should have negotiated a plan with him to allow him some alone time as well as quality time with them. Then if he seemed to be getting very upset, they should have told Sirius and Sirius should have comforted him and spent time being there for him.
Overall, I've decided I don't like the relationship dynamics going on between Harry and the girls. They seem to consistently team up against him and value their opinions and feelings above his. They seem to outvote him on things that the two of them have previously discussed. It doesn't feel like he is treated as an equal. They manipulate him into capitulation.
At the beginning of the story Fleur made a big deal about how bad it was for Jean-Sebastian to keep secrets from Harry, but she and Hermione were secretly scheming for months about Harry dating Hermione, then they had the audacity to act mad that Harry overheard them talking.
Just in general it seems that Fleur feels entitled to do whatever she wants in regards to Harry, without consulting him. She should have told him she insisted on coming to the ministry since she was an adult, and gotten her Father to agree. She should have explained multiple marriage to Harry and suggested Hermione as a second lover and let him think about it before Fleur talked to Hermione.
Fleur has talked a lot about being more mature and being the adult, but from the way I see it she acts very childishly and uses her age to shame Harry into agreeing that she is always right.
I think after 66 chapters I'm going to have to stop reading. It's just so unbalanced and I am very uncomfortable with how Harry is being treated. Everyone lectures him all the time and very little time is spent asking him what he needs or wants.
| Shane chapter 81 . 7/7
This is one of the best, if not the best, Harry Potter stories out there. Very well done.
| Deathcrow chapter 3 . 7/5
Dumbledore - as most times - is talking out of his arse: Peter could not have given the Fidelius secret under torture. That's the whole point of the Fidelius: The secret can't be coerced and must be given voluntarily. So there would have been no reason to be opposed to Peter as a secret keeper unless he suspected him to be a betrayer and a spy.
| mumphie chapter 81 . 6/25
I truly enjoyed your story. Your grasp of language and ability to bring the reader into the action is wonderful. Thank you. And, of course, being a 'real' author who is paid for their toil is better than a fanfic hobby writer...but...I am saddened not to see more of your work here. Bon chance in the real worls!
| mumphie chapter 76 . 6/25
Oh dear...seems with all of this going on, their OWLs are in jeopardy.
| mumphie chapter 49 . 6/23
Ahhh...your tale has me holding my breath! On the edge of my seat!
| mumphie chapter 42 . 6/23
Thank you that none of the main characters died!
| mumphie chapter 36 . 6/23
A foreshadowing of Sirius' death? NOOOOOOOO!
| mumphie chapter 11 . 6/21
| mumphie chapter 1 . 6/20
Quite an intriguing beginning
| Sean8182 chapter 1 . 6/20
‘“That doesn’t even account for Voldemort’s return,” added Ron. “At this rate, we won’t even know enough to defend ourselves.”’
While this story has been very well written thus far, I must submit my complaint that Ron’s distinct aversion towards the use of Tom Riddle’s self-purported monicker in the totality of canon would make this sentence entirely out of character for him.