|Reviews for Shadows Fall|
| MiladyYukie chapter 1 . 5/21/2011
I just read on Spanish wikipedia that Nii and Shii (one of tsuchikages guards) are twins... I'm shocked
| miner249er chapter 2 . 9/11/2010
what the heck is going on? I'm completely lost.
| fanofmany chapter 2 . 5/18/2010
ooo this ones a theme? pretty good hope you update
| InARealPickle chapter 2 . 5/3/2010
WTF were you on when you wrote this?
| InARealPickle chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Let's be realistic here when considering character motivations and actions.
Why would Naruto, an apparently high level ninja, ignore the fact that "his" blood clone just asked him to commit treason.
That's not suspicious at all. o.O
| desphere chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
I like some others also felt a bit lost with the story. I can see the story has a direction to go, which is good.
What made me lost is for example, the blood clone. Unless the blood clone actually works as taking the memories of Mizuki and acts independently, I'm still confused why the Mizuki clone told him to steal the scroll? Even if that's the case, couldn't Naruto tell that it is actually his clone? One salvaging point I can see here is that Naruto wanted to get back at the Hokage, but the dialogues ruined that chance. I think you need to explain this further in the next chapter.
Also, I agree with some that the ground for Naruto hating the Yondaime is not strong enough. No one should know about the Kyubi, maybe probably the two ANBU who stabbed Kushina's impostor in the office. Given the circumstances, Naruto led a semi-normal childhood, only being an orphan (I can imagine Kushina thought Naruto died and left Konoha). Maybe an expansion of your idea on what made Naruto so angry at his father in the next chapter will solve this.
In any case, keep on improving and enjoy writing more. Hope to see more chapters coming.
| Please Read my stuff chapter 2 . 4/6/2010
| kihakukage chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
hi just wanted to saY that i think youve ruined any chance of having this widely read and reviewed the first chapter was a good start but then you ruined it with the second , with the crap about noah and bible and his personality being weird along with holes in the plot , it just jumps to things way too soon so you dont get into it the same as other fics.
| Malix2 chapter 2 . 4/6/2010
Ok, a somewhat interesting chapter. Unfortunately, this story seems to suffer the same problem as the rest of the fics in this challenge, in that it doesn't actually give any particularly good reason for naruto to go off the deep end about finding out what the yondaime did. All it does is change how he reacts to the exact same information from somewhat rational, to completely irrational.
I've at least seen a few fics where the yondaime didn't /have/ to seal the kyuubi in naruto, but did it for power or something, or he survived the jutsu, but figured he'd be well taken care of just because of his 'last request' so he took off and came back acting like everything went fine because he didn't even bother checking on him. Those stories had /good/ reasons for naruto to hate him.
I just don't see how most of these other stories can have naruto act completely /outraged/ for the same somewhat reasonable actions he's willing to accept with relatively little difficulty in any other fic. I don't recall the challenge ever saying the way he finds out and/or the reasons for/details of the sealing has to be exactly the same only his reaction being different, yet that's what everybody is doing. They're writing it like any other fic, but they're just figuring, I'll just make naruto hate the yondaime for no good reason just so I can technically qualify for the challenge.
Sorry, I don't mean to say your work is bad, it's just I hate it when the only reason naruto seems to hate yondaime, is because that's the terms of the challenge, and no real good reason for it is actually listed in the story itself. I don't understand why they don't simply make the yondaime into a total bastard, at least concerning the circumstances/reasoning for the sealing, it'd make naruto's reaction so much more understandable.
| praxis shadow chapter 2 . 4/6/2010
well written but you lost me on the start of chapter 2
if i might make a sugestion clean up a little and add some flashbacks as to explain how this what the contract was and who and how he met his unit and how he became who is right now.
hope this helps
| Fayneir chapter 2 . 4/6/2010
Massive gap between updates. I was wondering when this would be updated...most of the Yondaime hating fics haven't been updated recently... Grear chapter.
| pyro357 chapter 1 . 4/1/2010
| Eien Samsara chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
love it really good
| god of all chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
Great chapter and story so fair please continuer this story soon.
| ForeverFallen76 chapter 1 . 2/28/2010
I really like this idea of yours for far, but I am a little lost. From what I understand is that no one besides the Third know of Naruto being the Kyuubi's container, was trained by the Sarutobi Clan and the Third to the highest levels of ability (Kage-Level), Naruto runs a super secret and vicious ANBU program that Hinata might be apart of, apparently he has a Doujutsu or very unique eyes, and has master fire manipulation in unheard of levels, seems to be incredibly angry at the Third's broken promise and contract, is cold and callous, and finally just bypassed the Hokage's security and broken into his vault and is reading the Forbidden Scroll of Seals about the Shiki Fuin. Now what I don't know is what happened to Naruto's mother since she was alive and well when the Fourth left, why is he talking to his blood clone henged as Mizuki like it is actually Mizuki about an alternate test, and why is the Third breaking his word to Naruto? Its just a little odd to have him talking to his blood clone henged as Mizuki and having it act as Mizuki and the clone is setting him up, you know? Unless he is putting on an act for whoever is still a traitor, as an excuse to break into Hokage tower, or he used Mizuki's blood to form the clone and "it" still thinks it's alive since Naruto erased everyone's memory of him killing Mizuki and implanted a new one, including the blood clone of Mizuki. So, its all a little confusing which is bound to happen, after all, its still the first chapter. Until your next chapter. Later.