|Reviews for A Celestial Descent|
| CoolAnimeKid chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
| Quizer chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
This is fairly good so far. You do a good job of describing Tenshi's motivation for leaving Heaven and how some of her fellow celestials might try to dissuade her.
However, there aren't any new ideas presented here. Everything this story tells us is already described by the game, more or less. If you want to make it better, I'd say include some events or ideas that aren't mentioned by the game. Even if you don't want to deviate from the storyline presented by the game, you could include things that might have been 'left out' by the game or go into more details.
You do this a little with your description of the other celestials, but you could go even deeper. Since you don't give names to them or distinguish them from each other somehow, they are still very generic and anonymous. What if one of them was actually Tenshi's friend, who is genuinely trying to understand why Tenshi hates heaven and wants to have adventures in Gensokyo? What if she even takes her down with her to show her? The other celestial girls act pretty much as a single character, but if you had them argue not only with Tenshi, but also with each other, it would be clear that they are separate persons, each different.
These are only some examples of what you could do to better draw the reader into the story. If you don't care about the celestials enough to include this sort of detail, find something else where the game gives only basic information and build on that with your own ideas.